


Hiding in Plain Sight

by origincountry



Category: Ed Edd n Eddy
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Child Abuse, First Love, First Time, Guilt, Homophobia, KevEdd - Freeform, Kevin Centric, Kevin is a bit clueless with his emotions but whats new, M/M, cuteness, shitty parents
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-07-14 10:58:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 43,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7168301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/origincountry/pseuds/origincountry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kevin is tired. Tired of being forced to do things he doesn't want to do, to act in ways he finds unappealing, and of his own pathetic cowardice. Tired actually doesn't begin to cover it, he's truly <i>exhausted</i>. But he's kept up the facade he's been forced to hide behind for three years because it's easier to lie than face the consequences of being himself. He hopes, no; <i>knows</i>, that the charade can't last forever, and now that it's senior year he's finally ready to become the person he wants to be. Other people's opinions be damned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Breaking Point Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I accidentally fell hard for KevEdd and just had to write something with them!
> 
> I wouldn't exactly call my depictions a part of the Reverse Universe, but after reading so many amazing fics I wanted to do something a bit different with the common tropes you always see. I kinda got tired of Kevin being either just angry or horny, so this fic is basically me trying to interpret Kevin in my own nuanced way, without losing what makes him so appealing as a character. It's my own headcannon that Kevin's confidence is all a front for deeper issues, so I'm pretty sure this will all be from Kevin's POV, but I'm tempted to give Edd a try in later chapters as they become close.
> 
> Anyway, hope you guys enjoy and I'm looking forward to your feedback! I had to break chapter 1 into two parts because it was frankly getting too long. I only have a few pages done for the second part but I have it all laid out so expect it in the next few weeks; I'm hoping the feedback for the first part will give me motivation to continue!
> 
> As always, Nat belongs to c2ndy2c1d, and I don't own Ed, Edd, n' Eddy.

“Kevin?!” His father slurred from the doorway, “What the _hell_ is this?!”

Light poured in from the hall, silhouetting his father from behind. Kevin propped himself up off his bed, immediately alert having just been woken up. He could smell the sharp scent of liquor from across the room, and could see the crumpled magazine in his father’s hand.

Kevin’s eyes widened and he could feel the blood drain from his face—good thing he was mostly in the dark or else his father could have easily ascertained his guilt. He could still fix this.

“Ugh, where’d you get that disgusting rag?” He gestured to the magazine with a half-naked man on the cover.

“I found it when I was taking out the trash, first thing I saw when I opened the can,” His father sneered, balling the magazine in his fist. “Atrocious publication, fucking faggots in this neighborhood, can’t believe it…” His father paused, quirking his brow above burning green eyes. “You got anything to do with this son?”

“No—of course not! Somebody musth’ve thrown it away in our can as they walked by or somethin’…”

His father narrowed his eyes, but seemed to accept his answer. He backed away a little, nodding his head of thinning red hair.

“Of course it wasn’t you son, I know you’re a good boy… No fags in this house!” His father let out a vicious chuckle, backing out of his room as he closed the door slowly. “Get some sleep, you need your rest for practice.”

The door finally shut with a sharp click and Kevin was consumed by darkness.

He slumped down into his bed, heart beating like a racehorse. Sweat prickled on his brow, but he was relieved to feel the blood slowly return to his face. 

That was too close. Kevin couldn't believe he’d been so damn careless, it was his fault that this had happened.

Why had he even bought that magazine in the first place? He knew it was stupid, that he shouldn’t have paid ten bucks at that porn shop two towns over. It wasn't like he needed it or anything, the internet was a thing that could bring any type of beautiful man right to Kevin’s phone, HD and all. Maybe he bought it because he needed some sort of physical token of his sexuality, something more substantial than the rainbow wrist bands he had hidden deep in his backpack. 

After he had nervously paid the cashier and quickly hopped onto his bike, Kevin was wrecked with anxiety. What if his father found it? He still remembered that time when his dad shouted at a gay couple in the park, harassing them till they stood up from a decorative bench and left. His father was so pleased with himself too; it made Kevin sick to his stomach, even looking back he could still feel that sense of dread straining his throat. He didn't know how badly his father would react to the magazine—but it was guaranteed to be horrible; a disaster of epic proportions.

So he crumpled it up and threw it away, but in his hurry he forgot to hide it under this weeks trash. He silently kicked himself that he had so happily agreed when his father offered to take out the trash earlier that night. How could he be so fucking _careless_.

He breathed in and out slowly, like he’d been taught a few years ago at his psychologist’s office. He had to calm down, no point being worked up over decisions that couldn’t be reversed. Kevin bunched his blankets around him and rolled over onto his side, curling up into a fetal ball. He shut his eyes hard while grinding his teeth nervously, filling his lungs and slowly releasing the air through his nose.

Tears started to dribble out of his scrunched eyes. Kevin silently sobbed into his pillow, trying to suppress his crying as best he could. It devastated him that his father was so irreversibly homophobic. He was pretty sure that his dad would gleefully commit a hate crime without hesitation, even against Kevin himself. It was almost worse that Kevin had to pretend to be just as ignorant and intolerant as his father. He had to be aware of every word and phrase that passed through his lips, how he carried himself and acted, aware of who he was ‘supposed’ to be at all times; all to appease the man who loomed over Kevin’s life.

Frankly he was scared to death of his father, he didn't know what the drunkard would do if he found out about his sexuality; his father’s moods were so awfully unpredictable. He could hazard a guess though, he knew that if his father had been drinking when the truth finally came out (because Kevin knew it inevitably would) it was very possible that he would resort to violence. At that thought Kevin balled himself up even tighter. It’s not that big a leap from beating your wife to beating your son, right?

Kevin took a shaky breath and weakly hummed to himself, the quiet vibrations soothing his pulse.

At least she’s in a better place now, away from her husband. He remembered a time when he was around eight years old, and he was in his mother arms. She was bouncing him on her leg and whispering in his ear, telling him that he could be anything when he grew up, that she’ll always believe in him no matter what. He remembers the jasmine scent of her curly red hair, the countless freckles dotting her warm cheeks, and the soft fabric of her shirt—even the song she hummed as she held him close. He also remembered his father, patting him on the back, telling him that he’ll only believe in Kevin as long as he became a football star—passing off petty cruelty as a callous joke. 

God, how long can this charade last? When will he just not be able to take it anymore? Kevin was sure that the breaking point was getting very close. He could feel it just around the corner.

He relaxed his limbs and wiped his eyes, rubbing the tear tracks away. Kevin rolled onto his back and stared at the dark ceiling. Moonlight filtered in through the curtains covering the window next to his bed, illuminating the posters lining his room in ghostly blue. Smiling football players, diagrams of motorcycles, and images from the Hubble Telescope all loomed into his line of sight. He closed his eyes again and tried to loosen up and relax to fall asleep.

As he slowly emptied his mind, memories of a certain black-haired boy with an adorable gap-toothed smile floated through his thoughts. Kevin smiled to himself as the relief of unconsciousness overcame him.

 

-o-

 

The town blurred into lines of color as Kevin sped down Peach Tree Avenue on his meticulously restored motorcycle. Peach Creek High wasn’t more than a half hour walk from his neighborhood, but he needed the soothing thrill of a ride after last night. He passed by multiple groups of students walking along the sidewalk, some even cheerily waved as Kevin whipped by at high speed. He steeled himself for the onslaught of social interaction that came with every new day at school. He’ll have to greet countless people in the halls, just because they all recognize him and want to be on his good side. He supposed that’s what happens when you're popular and the captain of the football team, but it always got on his nerves.

Kevin parked his metallic black motorcycle in the school’s parking lot, happily noticing that he had the only motorcycle in a sea of knock-off Korean mopeds. He could also see Nazz’s beat-up Volkswagen Beetle parked by the entrance sign, spots of rust blemishing the ancient baby-blue paint job. He took off his gloves and helmet, storing them in his bike’s saddlebags before walking up the wide front steps to the school’s glassy doors.

As he expected, he was stopped by passing students basically every time he accidentally met their prying eyes. It was always the same, they would congratulate him on past games and wish him luck on those to come. They’d go on to tell him that they hope he does well at practice, then they would say goodbye and leave. Blah, blah, fucking _blah_. Having the same conversation over and over again got very irritating, and it was oddly soul-crushing. Kevin always ended up feeling acutely alone after every meaninglessly repetitive social interaction.

Even though Kevin was constantly recognized and congratulated for his football achievements, he felt like no one actually paid attention to _him_. He was keenly aware that nobody paid attention to him as a person or unique personality. He felt as if everyone viewed him as a prop, a stereotypical jock background character in their boring daily lives. Everyone had a role for him to fill and that was it, nothing deeper was required of him. 

So even though Kevin had a lot of so called ‘friends’, he knew who actually viewed him as a whole person. That feeling was almost solely reserved for Nazz and Nat. Out of all his friends, they were certainly real. It was great to have them, sure, but it still bugged the hell out of Kevin that other people never bothered to get to know him better. He would like to believe that he wasn’t the stereotype everyone pegged him to be.

As he rounded the last corner before his locker, he noticed that Nazz was waiting for him. His childhood best friend was beautiful as always, in her form-fitting cashmere sweater and pleated miniskirt. She leaned against the bank of lockers in her characteristic effortless nonchalance that Kevin had tried imitating since preschool, but had never completely mastered. She turned at the sound of Kevin’s approaching footsteps, bundling notebooks in one arm before stuffing them into her bag. Her eyes lit up as she spotted Kevin, her pouty pink lips forming a smile when she tucked a long strand of wavy blonde hair behind one ear.

“Hey Kev, what’s up dude?” She playfully punched Kevin’s arm as he came to a stop.

“Oh, nothing… how was the date last night?” He grumbled, nervously rubbed the back of his neck and opened his locker, locating the books he needed for his first classes.

“It was _uh_ -mazing!” Her smile grew into a grin, leaning in as she wrapped her delicate arms around the nearest of Kevin’s powerful limbs. “She really is the sweetest when she’s not around you!”

Kevin merely grunted and Nazz laughed.

“Just be happy for me you big dork!” 

“I really am Nazz, but maybe you could free my arm? I kinda need to carry these books.”

She let go of his arm and appeared to look at him for the first time since he arrived, pretty eyes studying his face.

“Hey,” she said softly, letting her hand rest on his bicep. “What’s wrong Kev?”

Kevin turned to look at her, but before he could offer some half-assed excuse he felt someone pinch his ass. He tried to stop the small embarrassed smile from forming on his face, but failed miserably as he turned around to swat Nat’s hand away. He’s the only one who would dare touch Kevin like that, even if it was only a joke.

“Hey hot stuff, I don’t get to give my man any sugar?” Nat pouted and batted his incredibly long eyelashes as Kevin flung his hand away. He could smell whatever expensive stinky cologne Nat had used that morning, a smell that just screamed pretentious douchebag—a title Nat seemed to enjoy a little bit too much. Kevin couldn’t help but laugh at Nat’s ridiculousness, making the teal-haired boy eye him suspiciously.

Nat slid up behind Nazz, resting his head on her shoulder as she giggled, “Nat, something’s wrong with Kevin, you know anything?”

“Hmmm, yeah something’s definitely up, he never laughs when I manhandle him. He’s all _‘Ahh, Nat! Don’t scare me like that!’_ and, _’Just because I’m your friend doesn’t mean you get to touch me!’_ and let’s not forget my personal favorite; _‘Do you want a broken hand, you puke-haired piece-of-shit?!’._ And you know what I have to say to that? I say; somebody’s gotta pinch that perfect bubble butt! It’s not like Double Delicious has gotten on that—it’s just begging to be prodded!” Nat paused, snickering to himself before briefly making eye contact with Kevin. Nat’s eyes narrowed as he tilted his head in a look of mock contemplation. “You’re right blondie, something’s seriously up with big red over here, just look how dejected he’s acting.”

“Ugh, Nat _stop!_ You just like the sound of your own voice,” Kevin snapped, blush staining his cheeks.

“Well, _duh_ , but he’s right, you’re looking super closed up.” Nazz brushed Nat off her shoulder, laughter tinging her voice. “Just let us in, okay? We can’t help if you’re all self-righteous and silent.”

Kevin sighed as he shut his locker, stuffing his AP Bio and AP Comp & Rhet books into his ratty backpack. He turned to his friends, meeting their expectant expressions with an indignant eye-roll.

“Okay, fine. But please don’t laugh.”

“Oh this is gonna be goo— _HEY!_ ” Nat exclaimed as Nazz smacked his arm to shut him up.

“Go on dude, we’re listening; right Nat?” She eyed Nat dangerously, causing him to gulp.

“Yeah, sure! Whatever Queen Nazz says!”

Kevin took a breath and sighed again. He grudgingly decided to tell his friends what happened with his father last night while they walked toward their first classes. Nobody would bother the trio of popular kids if they looked like they were having a private conversation. Or at least, anyone with more than two brain cells in their head wouldn’t dare interrupt them.

“So…” he began, suddenly nervous. “My shitty excuse of a father almost found out about—y’know…”

“Oh— _Really?!_ no wonder you seem all fucked up!”

“Yeah dude, I know he’s your dad and all but that guy is legit scary.” Nazz bit her lip and continued quietly, “How’d he almost find out anyway?”

Kevin ducked his head and rubbed the back of his neck, he could feel his cheeks get red again. Nat noticed and somehow got it instantly, his eyes seemed to bulge as he tried to stifle a laugh. He draped his arm around Kevin’s shoulder and looked at him with his most innocent smile.

“Huh, found some porn didn’t he?”

Kevin definitely felt his cheeks get warmer now. He pushed Nat off his shoulder as his friend began to cackle.

“It’s not funny, okay?!”

Nazz giggled, “It kinda is Kev.”

“No it really isn’t! If he _ever_ finds out I don’t know what he’s gonna do to me. I’ll be lucky if he just kicks me out!”

Both his friends stopped laughing. Kevin could still remember the unbridled terror he felt when he saw that crumpled magazine in his father’s hand. He looked down at his shoes in shame as he regulated his breathing, he hated when his emotions got the best of him. He felt Nat gently rub his back and Nazz tightly hug his arm again.

“It’s okay big guy, we’re here for you. You totally sure he didn’t find out?” Nat’s voice was soft and serious, which affected Kevin more than it should have. It was his fault that his usually vivacious friend was forced to stop his constant joking.

“I think so—god I hope so!” Kevin groaned, looking up at the ceiling before glancing down at his friends to either side of him. “He seemed to accept what I said, but I think he has his suspicions now.”

“You know Kev, we could, I dunno, pretend to date or something.” Nazz looked up through her bangs at Kevin to gauge his reaction. “Just to get your dad off your back.”

“No, I wouldn’t dream of doing that to you. Especially since everything is going so good with Marie,” he chuckled sourly. “And anyway, I don’t know if I can even keep this up anymore. I feel like absolute shit every single day—I think I’m tired of hiding.” Kevin paused, considering what just slipped out of his mouth. It was true, he _was_ tired. “At least here at school anyway.”

“Oh really now? Gonna grace us queers with your open support?” Nat grinned, waggling his eyebrows, slyly reaching around Nazz to slap Kevin’s ass.

Kevin let out a surprised yelp and knocked his friend’s hand away. They were nearing the intersection of halls where they would have to split up to go to their respective classes. It felt good to talk to his friends about something so personal and important, they always knew how to tease out what needed to be said and make Kevin laugh. He suddenly had the intense urge to skip class and talk with them all day, working out how he should come out—or if that was even a good idea. He was trying to improve his attendance record though, so they’d have to continue later.

Nazz reluctantly let go of Kevin’s arm, holding on till the last possible second.

“Don’t do anything that you don’t feel comfortable with yet, okay? We should talk more about this at lunch.”

“Sure Nazz, see you guys at lunch,” he called after his friends as they jostled down the hall together. Nat’sobnoxiously loud laugh echoed off the lockers, and Kevin couldn’t help but smile at his two best friends.

He was about to turn and go the opposite direction, but Kevin stopped when he heard Nat’s voice call back to him.

“Hey, maybe you should tell _him_ today? Bet it would make his da-a-ay!” Nat singsonged, winking back at Kevin before Nazz shoved his shoulder; forcing him to keep walking.

Kevin blinked and blushed. He turned quickly and entered his classroom, rushing to his desk. The first one in class, that was unusual. Edd was generally the first one to arrive everyday, sometimes with that annoying Marie girl in tow. 

He smiled and laughed to himself. Maybe he _would_ tell him today.

 

-o-

 

While he waited for class to begin, Kevin couldn’t help but think of that studious boy who sat in front of him. He’d been able to look at the back of his elegant neck for a few weeks now, but he’s had a crush on Edd since freshmen year. That dork was all Kevin could think about most days, always aware of where he sat in respect to his well postured crush. They shared most of their classes, both Kevin and Edd taking the array of AP courses offered by Peach Creek High, so keeping tabs on his obsession couldn't be easier. 

Kevin got decent grades; mostly B’s and C+’s with a sprinkling of A’s, but thankfully his grades were weighed higher because of the AP courses. That meant that he’s been able to maintain a 4.0 GPA since the beginning of the school year; Kevin was proud of his good grades, no matter how unimpressed his father managed to be. He was sure he could get all A’s too, if he could quit the team and focus solely on classwork—but he wasn’t even sure if that’s what he wanted to do. 

Edd, on the other hand, was a natural genius. No doubt he’ll be the class valedictorian at the end of the year, with his straight A transcript and sparkling school record. His intellect was one of the many things that Kevin found absolutely captivating about his crush, there was a weight of knowledge and power to everything he said or did—Kevin couldn't keep his eyes away.

The way Edd’s face lit up when he was talking about something that interested him, it brightened Kevin’s world. There was a passion to his expressions that seemed so much more mature than their classmates, like Edd was talking about the person he loved—as if he was in love with knowledge itself. It sounded a bit melodramatic and impossibly corny, but it’s true. There was no denying how adorable Edd was when he starts gesticulating to explain his argument, fire behind his eyes. Or how Edd forcibly holds his ground when he knows he’s right—even if that meant being rude. That was a fairly new development. Edd never used to do that; stand up for himself. Even for things he was good at or knew to be true. 

Kevin knew how unconfident Edd had been in middle school, and felt a bit guilty because he was sure he had played a part in Edd’s torment. He remembered how he had always called him a dork or a dweeb, never actually calling him by his real name. It didn't seem like that big of a deal now, but Kevin had this nagging feeling that his teasing had played a role in how Edd had viewed himself, even if that role was small. He never really directed his harassment to Edd specifically either, always focusing more on his idiot friends, but that didn't excuse his actions.

Kevin knew now that the constant teasing was just him lashing out to try to deal with his miserable home life. It had really been bad in the months after his mother had passed, she had been his best friend after all.

His mother dying of cancer had been a turning point in Kevin’s life, he remembered how he was forced by the school district to see a child psychologist to deal with his sudden explosive anger problems. He got over them, mostly, by following strict breathing exercises and tackling guys playing football. He was at peace on the field, every pass and interception ebbing the anger away—even the anger directed at his father for forcing him to play in the first place. He sometimes wondered if his father was so heinous strictly to push Kevin to do better at football, but the foresight and premeditation to pull that off was definitely out of his father’s mental grasp. With the help of meditation, general self-realization, and the sanctioned violence of football; Kevin was able to stop being a bully.

Something had happened to Edd too, he disappeared without a trace during the summer after middle school, his house empty across from Kevin’s. Both of his annoying friends were gone too, only to return to their cul-de-sac for a week before getting shipped off to military school or somewhere else equally as punitive. Kevin had assumed that the dorky trio had been caught doing something dangerous, but that couldn't be the case seeing as Edd had returned a week before high school started.

Instead of the nervous boy who stuttered and went by Double D, a much more confident and comfortable Edd had showed up that first day. 

The change wasn't major, but it was enough to be noticeable. He started to dress better and joined the swim team, building lean muscle that Kevin couldn’t ignore. He had gotten over his attachment to that black hat he had worn since, well, _forever_ ; instead he seemed to have a new collection of beanies in a variety of different colors, Kevin swore he had only seen the same one _twice_. His high cheekbones became more prominent and his adorable button nose cleared of acne, his big watery blue eyes alert and demanding attention. Other people noticed these changes too, suddenly Edd wasn’t the major social pariah he had been in middle school. Sure he wasn’t _‘popular’_ popular—and still got picked on occasionally, but Kevin knew that he was reasonably well-liked and even admired by most of the various cliques and groups that made up the student body.

Kevin honestly found it pretty irritating how all the people who so gladly ignored Edd throughout middle school only decided to pay attention to him once he started becoming attractive. Kevin couldn’t say that he was a friend of Edd’s when he went by Double D, but at least he had talked to him—even if it was bullying. 

It was like other people only found worth in Edd when they realized how undeniably cute he was, as if his genius-level academic achievements were worth nothing. Of course Kevin wanted to hold Edd’s slender hand in his own, and kiss those expressive lips, but it was Edd’s brain that had inspired Kevin to take his own coursework more seriously. 

Well, maybe at first he only took harder classes to get closer to his crush, but all that struggling sophomore year had led to Kevin legitimately enjoying his education. 

Kevin had always admired Edd’s knowledge, even while he was teasing him. He was envious of Edd’s ability to know something about basically everything, and seeing how the scrawny guy had so easily adapted to the swim team—why couldn’t Kevin do better in class? Maybe Edd would notice that Kevin was going out of his comfort zone with the same confidence and zeal that Edd had applied himself to swimming, maybe he’d notice that Kevin no longer was the childhood bully who’d chase him around the neighborhood. Maybe Edd would fall for Kevin too, because they both had grown and matured while so many of their classmates had remained stagnant.

Maybe, just _maybe_ , Edd would pay attention to Kevin in the way that so many other people had failed, to see and understand all the little things about himself that were just beneath the surface; how Kevin hoped he understood Edd.

Like how Edd was still polite and kind, always going out of his way to help others if they asked, but it was obvious that he now valued his own needs as well. With every passing year Kevin saw how Edd grew more confident and apparently happier, now never afraid to kindly deny people his time if they were trying to take advantage of him. 

His kindness coupled with his remarkable looks earned him a lot of attention from girls around school, Kevin had heard that Edd had been approached multiple times by girls wanting to date him, flatly denying every single one. Pretty girls too—so Kevin had slowly built up the hope that Edd was also gay, or maybe bisexual.

So now that Kevin was actually considering coming out at school, he couldn’t help but think of Edd; the black-haired boy with an adorable gap-toothed smile.

Kevin found himself blushing as more and more students filed into class and took their seats, trying to cram in conversations before the teacher arrived. He’s been wanting to ask Edd out since the start of junior year, but has yet to find the courage to do it. Kevin could run head-first at the approaching wall of a rival team, but he couldn’t even talk to the gentle boy which held his fantasies.

In fact, Kevin frowned as he tried to think of the last time he’d even spoken to Edd. They passed pleasantries all the time, enough for Edd to award Kevin with shy smiles, but they’d never actually talked or hung out. He wasn’t even sure if he could call Edd a friend, though he tried his best to be nice to make up for bullying Edd throughout middle school. 

Hell, he didn’t even have the guy’s phone number; how could Kevin expect Edd to go out with him if they don't even know each other well enough to exchange numbers? He groaned and smacked his head on his desk a few times—this was gonna be harder than just confessing love and living happily ever after.He’d have to build up to that if he wanted anything but flat denial. Why couldn’t he just talk to the dork? 

Kevin blamed his stupid stomach for twisting into knots every time they passed in the hall, or his tongue for getting dry and heavy when they said good morning—awkward silences making sure nothing else was said. Why did this have to be so damn difficult?

Kevin heard the creak of aluminum and laminate ahead of him, he eagerly looked up from his face-down position on his desk to see if Edd had finally arrived. He hadn’t, instead Edd’s best friend Marie was getting comfortable in her seat next to Edd’s empty desk. 

The short girl with cropped blue hair was always getting on Kevin’s nerves, though he was getting better at hiding his displeasure as it became obvious Nazz had a thing for her. As Nat would put it, Marie had a curvalicious body; and Kevin supposed she was attractive in an objective sense, but her loud and fairly violent personality just bugged him for some reason. Perhaps it was because he couldn’t comprehend why she was Edd’s best friend, they practically hated each other when they were kids; he was pretty sure Edd had been completely terrified of her. Or, maybe it was because she didn’t seem to like Kevin just as much as he didn’t like her.

Marie turned her head and looked at Edd’s empty seat, confusion plainly written on her face. She gnawed at her bottom lip as if something was worrying her, before turning to look at the door. Edd’s absence was really starting to worry Kevin too, in the two years he and Edd had shared most of their classes, Edd had always been one of the first few people to arrive to class. He was always as early as possible, and even if he showed up now he’d be one of the last kids to sit down before class began.

“Hey, Marie,” Kevin sat up and poked her shoulder. “Heard you had a good date last night.”

“Yeah? What’s it to you?” She shot back, turning to eye Kevin with irritation.

At least Kevin _tried_ to hide his distain, Marie just flung it out in the open.

“Nazz is my best friend,” he sniffed with displeasure, “Just making sure you're treating her right.”

“Ask her yourself if you're so worried.”

Kevin sighed and pinched his nose, might as well cut the small-talk.

“Okay, okay—whatever.” He averted his eyes, suddenly nervous, “Just… I was curious if—uh…”

“Oh, just spit it out already Captain Jawline.”

Kevin blushed and gritted his teeth, why did she have to be so confrontational?

“I was wondering if… if you know where Edd is?”

Marie noticed his blush and her eyebrows shot up. A satisfied smirk started to form on her face and Kevin knew he had given it all away. She ignored Kevin and cocked her head in thought, before turning back and flashing him a sickly-sweet smile.

“I don’t know, lover-boy, last text I got he told me he was on his way. Why do you want to know?”

Kevin could feel his blush deepen, he just couldn’t talk about Edd without making a fool of himself. Why did Marie have to play these games? It’d be so much easier for the both of them if she just answered properly.

“Cut the crap Kanker, I’m just worried about him okay?!” Surprised, Marie looked at Kevin with suspicious eyes and a tight mouth, the tendons in her neck becoming visible as he continued, “He’s normally here by now, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him miss a class.”

Marie took a breath and dropped her taunting front, considering what Kevin had to say with her typical serious-or-angry expression.

“As much as I hate to admit it, you’re right. I’m worried too—lemme send him a quick text,” Marie looked at her phone and sent off a message. She kept looking at her phone as her brows scrunched and a scowl graced her face. “He’s not responding, he always texts back within 30 seconds.”

She looked up from her phone and made eye contact with Kevin. He could see his own unease and worry mirrored in her expression. They both turned to the door as Mrs. Wells entered the classroom with the usual _‘click click’_ of her high heels, expecting Edd instead.

The bell rung shortly after Mrs. Wells greeted the class with a jovial good morning. She hooked up the projector to her laptop and dimmed the lights, class had officially begun and Eddward Vincent was nowhere to be seen.

 

-o-

 

Kevin watched the clock, every minute making Edd more and more late—making Kevin more and more nervous. Marie shifted in her seat and kept looking to the door, keeping an eye out for her friend. She glanced over at Kevin with look of vague annoyance as he drummed his fingers on the desk, nervously tapping his pencil against his notebook with his other hand. He ignored her, focusing on the clock.

Once the first five minutes of class had dragged by, Mrs. Wells beginning her lecture on cellular biology, Kevin raised his hand tentatively. 

“You have a question, Mr. Barr?”

“Not particularly, no.”

Her eyebrows arched as she peered at Kevin over the frames of her glasses.

“So why are you raising your hand?”

There were a few snickers from the back of the room. Kevin clenched his jaw, fighting the urge to turn around and glare at the sources of the offending noises.

“I need to go the the bathroom,” he said instead, squirming in his seat, pulling the look that had gotten him out of practice an hour early last week, “Like, _really_ bad.”

The snickers were more bold the second time.

“Class has just begun, Mr. Barr. I would advise using the lavatory before class begins next time.”

Mrs. Wells looked back down at her laptop, as if the situation was settled. He’d have to act quickly if he was going to change her mind.

“I know Mrs. W, but I wouldn’t be asking unless it was a _serious_ emergency,” Kevin replied, hoping he sounded polite and not irritated. He squirmed in his seat more, bouncing his leg as if he were trying to hold something in.

“Fine fine, just take the pass and be quick with it, I don’t want you missing this lecture,” Mrs. Wells sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

Kevin didn’t need to be told twice, he bolted out of his chair and took the pass from its position hanging on the wall, briefly looking back at Marie before he left the room. She seemed to understand what was going on, giving him a curt nod before he turned and ran down the hall.

Where could Edd be? If he was at school he might be by his locker or in one of the bathrooms—but if he was already at school wouldn’t he be in class? Probably, unless something bad had happened to him. Kevin shivered at the thought. Edd had been able to avoid a lot of torment since starting high school, but Kevin still remembered that black eye marring his perfect pale face that Ryan Crosby had given him last year. Marie had later cornered Ryan and given him a taste of his own medicine—maybe _that’s_ why Edd kept her around.

Kevin veered to the right down the hall which led to Edd’s locker. Already he could tell that there wasn’t anyone in front of Edd’s locker or in the hall, period. He still stopped in front of the locker though, for no other reason than to just picture how Edd had looked standing there with the aluminum door open, talking animately with Marie; blue eyes briefly connecting with Kevin’s, Edd’s small shy smile making Kevin blush.

Something on the orange locker caught Kevin’s eye, shattering the memory. He clenched his jaw and took a step closer to get a better look at the offending graffiti. In the bottom left corner, written in black paint marker, was the word that haunted Kevin’s interactions with his father.

**_FAG!_ **

Sudden, boiling anger overcame Kevin; his hands clenching into tight fists. He stepped closer to the locker, the urge to punch that slur close to overwhelming—but that wouldn’t solve anything, it would only dent the aluminum. He closed his eyes and regulated his breathing, an idea coming to him in the calm of his mind.

Kevin reached out to begin scratching away at the word, hopefully chipping away the paint before he continued his search for Edd. He didn’t want Edd to deal with the sight of that nasty word on his locker.

When his fingers touched the graffiti, Kevin was surprised to find that the marks were still wet; paint smudging and dirtying his fingertips. His mind raced, trying to decide what to do. Quickly he licked his fingers and frantically smudged the word until it was an unreadable cloudy mess. He knew he’d have to come back and clean it throughly before Edd noticed the smudges, but at least the word was gone for good.

Kevin took a step back to admire his handiwork, his foot crunching on a piece of paper. He looked down and moved his foot, bending to pick up the discarded sheet. Underneath a dirty shoe print, Kevin could make out Edd’s meticulous handwriting and various highlighted phrases and key-words they had gone over last week in Mrs. Wells class. The page had been ripped from Edd’s AP Bio notes, the blue notebook he always placed neatly in his satchel alongside the notebooks for his other classes. Edd guarded his notes with his life, always being very particular with who could handle them, like they were well-preserved illuminated manuscripts.

Kevin folded the sheet and put it in his front pocket, scanning the floor for other signs of Edd. The torn page and the wet graffiti were serious red flags in Kevin’s mind, Edd had been by his locker and something had obviously happened. Maybe somebody had confronted him, trying to steal his school work—and when he refused his tormentor had resorted to violence. Kevin could imagine Edd standing up for himself, only to be punched in the gut and have his bag stolen. Or maybe, _hopefully_ , something completely different had happened, but there was no way to know till he found Edd.

At the next intersection of halls, Kevin spotted another torn sheet of notes. It was another page from Edd’s AP Bio notebook, ripped right in half and lodged in the tight crack between a bank of lockers and the sticky linoleum floor. Kevin was trying his best to remain calm, but he couldn’t get the image of Edd reeling over in pain out of his mind. He had to find him, and he had to stay cool and collected.

Kevin decided to continue down the hall where he found the second piece of paper, it was like he was following a trail of breadcrumbs, each clue getting him closer to Edd. He soon remembered the hall, it was one lined with sophomore classes—he hadn’t walked down it in two years. He tried to remember where the hall went, if it led to a place Edd would go. If his mental map was correct, the hall would end in a dead end after it turned to the right, forcing anyone to turn back. If Edd wasn’t down this hall, Kevin wouldn't have any other clues to keep going.

As he remembered, the hall did in fact end after a right turn. Four doors were arranged around the dead end, two were obviously classrooms while the remaining doors led to a janitor’s closet and a boy’s restroom that was closed for repairs, if the sign on the door could be trusted. 

A sudden muffled noise caught Kevin’s attention, it sounded like something had been violently slammed shut. There was another noise as Kevin briskly walked towards the end of the hall, the distinct whoosh of a flushing toilet followed by the gurgle of pipes in the wall nearest the restroom. Someone had to be in the broken bathroom.

Kevin recalled how in sophomore year that particular bathroom had been used by the upperclassmen jocks as a hangout. They’d always pick on the underclassmen who dared enter it by mistake, petty bullying Kevin had put a stop to once he became captain. But the fact that the bathroom he was about to enter had been a mecca for teasing did nothing to help Kevin’s mood, especially since he was trying to determine what had happened to his crush.

Muffled laughter hit Kevin’s ears as he reached out for the restroom door. He frowned, he recognized that laugh. It was the cruel laugh he loathed hearing every practice, one that seriously tested Kevin’s breathing techniques. Did he really want to go through with this, to know what was going on behind that door? Kevin didn't want to appear weak in front of _him_ , especially if he got a whiff of Kevin’s feelings for Edd.

Kevin’s hand rested on the door, fingers itching to do something—anything. He took a deep breath and tried to focus on what had to be done. He _did_ have to know, he couldn’t let Edd face the monster behind that door alone, even if it meant risking his relationship with his team. He had to do this, for himself, and for Edd.

Kevin swung the door open with a powerful push, stepping inside.

His eyes were immediately drawn to Edd, who was pushed up against the mirrored wall by Stephen, a linebacker on Kevin’s team. Edd’s maroon beanie was almost falling off his head of longish wavy black hair, tear tracks glistening on his soft cheeks. He had a look of steely determination on his face though, hands rigid and taut at his sides—no marks or fresh bruises visible on his body. His eyes met Kevin’s, a small glint of hope burnt behind the pale blue of his irises.

Kevin’s hands automatically formed into fists, begging to take action, but he kept them firmly stationed by his pockets. He took deep breaths, letting the raw anger and hate boil off his body. Kevin had to remain calm for this to work. His eyes narrowed and quickly scanned the room, reluctantly breaking Edd’s eye contact.

Stephen had Edd pinned to the wall, his feet dangling around a foot off the wet tile floor. The door to the stall across from Edd was wide open, water pouring out of a toilet overflowing with drowned school supplies. Kevin recognized Henry, another player on his team, holding Edd’s satchel over the erupting toilet, loose pens pathetically dropping to the porcelain. Water and shreds of paper covered the bathroom floor, the stench of chemical cleaner and wood pulp hung stagnant in the moist air. 

On one of the sinks next to Edd, sat the source of the laugh Kevin had heard only moments earlier. Micheal Pedwick, all around douchebag and pain in the ass—one of the few guys on Kevin’s team he just couldn't stand. Micheal always tried to undermine Kevin’s authority on the field and off it, second guessing his plays and even talking back to Coach Rene. He always made sexist and homophobic jokes too, repeatedly ignoring and blatantly disregarding the culture of tolerance Kevin had tried to build. Micheal wasn’t even particularly good at football either, but Kevin was having trouble finding a suitable replacement.

His teammates’ heads all whipped around to look at Kevin as the door clacked shut behind him, the anger at being interrupted morphing into shock and fear on their faces. Good, they should be afraid.

“What do you guys think you’re doing?” Kevin hissed through clenched teeth.

“Teaching this fucking loser some respect,” Micheal responded cooly, a look of tailored indifference replacing his previously fearful expression. It didn’t matter how he played it off, Kevin had seen that look—there was no way he was going to back down now.

“You know, bullying is grounds for termination from the team, one word to Coach and you’re all gone.”

“You wouldn’t dare!” Micheal jumped up from the sink, shoes squeaking on the wet floor as he walked up to Kevin, trying to get in his face.

“I _would_ ,” Kevin hissed again, looking down into Micheal’s furious expression. He turned and pushed the shorter boy away, ignoring the spew of curses that followed, focusing instead on the other two wary-looking jocks, “Stephen, put Edd down _now_ , and Henry; bring his satchel over here.”

Stephen immediately jumped away from the wall and scrambled over to Micheal, letting Edd drop to his feet. Henry bit his lip and anxiously glanced from Micheal to Kevin, trying to determine where his loyalties lay. A low growl erupted from Kevin’s throat, startling Henry into action. He sniffed and looked down at his feet before walking over to Kevin, dropping Edd’s satchel into Kevin’s outstretched hand. “S-sorry Kev…” Henry did a little jump and quickly averted his eyes when he looked up at Kevin’s furious face, blanching before scurrying over to Micheal like a wounded animal.

“If I ever, _ever_ , hear that any of you dipshits are harassing students again, I’ll tell Coach Rene and she’ll kick your sorry asses off the team so quick it’ll make your puny heads spin,” Kevin glared menacingly at his three teammates, Micheal fumed silently while Stephen and Henry just looked suitably humiliated. “Get out of here. Before I change my mind.”

The bullies quickly left, Micheal mumbling half-formed threats under his breath as the door swung shut. The room was then silent, only the sound of running water interrupting the peace.

Kevin turned back to look at Edd; who was washing his face at the sink, sighing while he readjusting his beanie in the mirror.

“They… they didn’t hurt you did they?”

“N-no. I guess I have you to thank for that, Kevin.”

Edd shut off the sink and turned to look at Kevin, an embarrassed smile gracing his soft features. Kevin couldn’t help but pink, just a little.

“I’m sorry, Edd,” Kevin mumbled, handing Edd his wet and soggy satchel.

Edd frowned, only taking his satchel after protecting his hands with wads of paper towels. Then he sighed, looking down at the floor covered in torn soggy pieces of paper, colorful labels and index numbers blurring to the point of unreadability.

“All my notes… ruined in such a— _filthy_ manner,” he groaned, pushing a loose page around with his foot. It was the mess that seemed to break Edd’s will, tears started to well up in his beautiful eyes, “Oh dear! How will I pass my classes now?”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Kevin whispered, shakily reaching out his hand to rest on Edd’s warm shoulder. He hadn’t seen Edd cry since middle school, and the sight brought back upsetting memories, he’d have to comfort Edd somehow. “I’m not saying that my notes are up to your standards… but maybe you could copy them anyway? Something _has_ to be better than nothing…”

“Y-you’d do that for me?” Edd’s eyes widened in disbelief as he looked up at Kevin, the tears in his eyes making them sparkle under the fluorescent lights.

Kevin blushed, bringing the hand that had been resting awkwardly on Edd’s narrow shoulder up to the back of his own neck out of nervous habit.

“Yeah, of course, though I’m sure you’d pass without my help anyway,” he chuckled a bit wryly. “You’re absolutely sure that you’re okay? If you don’t need to go to the nurse, we should really be getting back to class.”

“Oh yes, I’m fine,” Edd sniffed, looking around the room again, “I just wish we could clean up this mess somehow, I don’t want to get on the janitor’s bad side.”

“Eh, it’s fine, not like you made the mess anyhow.”

Edd nodded, but still looked anxious as they left the flooded bathroom. He clung onto his satchel like his life depended on it, knuckles white over the brown of his protective paper towels. 

Edd stayed close to Kevin, straying no more than two feet from his side. Even though Edd was probably staying close for safety, Kevin’s stomach still filled with butterflies; Edd’s presence felt amazing. His small, lean frame just held some sort of intrinsic gravity which affected Kevin in a wholly unique and personal way; Kevin always felt it whenever he got close to Edd, even when passing in the hall. Edd just felt _heavy_ next to Kevin, every one of his movements had a sort of weight which registered in Kevin’s mind. Every single step and motion somehow important and beautiful.

Kevin even enjoyed the silence that had fallen between them as they walked, though he supposed it was a bit awkward. Kevin didn’t want silence though, even if it was enjoyable, he wanted to tell Edd everything he felt. To spill everything he’d been thinking about for the last three years, but he couldn’t bring himself to confess. Looking down at Edd’s worried expression and uncomfortable body language, he knew the time wasn’t right.

“So, wanna talk about it?” Kevin asked as nonchalantly as he could manage. At the look of surprise on Edd’s face, he quickly added, “You don’t have to, I just want to know how this happened.”

“No, it’s okay, I’m just genuinely shocked that you seem to care,” Edd admitted, blue eyes looking up at Kevin before looking down at their shoes, “They are your teammates after all.”

“That doesn’t excuse shitty behavior.”

At that a sweet smile spread across Edd’s face, revealing his adorable gap-tooth that braces had failed to correct. Feeling himself flush, Kevin bit his lip to stop himself from grinning as Edd nodded and started to explain.

“Yesterday the short blond one, Micheal, I believe?” Edd glanced questioningly at Kevin; who nodded in response, indicating that he was paying attention. “He cornered me after class and demanded that I do his homework—when I promptly refused, he threatened me, shoving the homework assignment into my hand spouting some nonsense like; _‘If this isn’t done by tomorrow you’ll pay for it, loser!’_ At which point he pushed me into a locker and disappeared.” 

“And today? You didn’t do it, right?” Kevin asked, voice going hard after briefly giggling at the voice Edd had used to mock Micheal; mimicking his whiny drone perfectly. He was glad that Edd wasn’t too down, it helped keep Kevin’s fury in check. Kevin’s hands had unconsciously formed into fists while Edd was talking, he let them loosen as Edd continued.

“Certainly not! If he had merely asked for help, I might have considered tutoring him…” Edd trailed off, gnawing at his bottom lip before clasping his satchel tighter, his next words possessing that sense of power and confidence Kevin had come to admire, “I’d rather be beaten than allow my intelligence to be taken advantage of in such a crude manner. I was fully prepared to face the consequences when I arrived today, but I hadn’t prepared for this…”

“For what? Having your hard work torn up and dumped in some toilet that barely flushes? I doubt anyone could see that coming, even someone as smart as you.”

Edd eyed him curiously, Kevin really hoped that Edd didn't think he was angry at him—he knew how he must sound. All he wanted to do was punch Micheal in his stupid annoying mouth, and that desire was really hard to control when all Edd was doing was giving him more of a reason to do it. Maybe he could arrange for some tackling exercises at practice today…

“Kevin? Are you okay?”

Kevin realized that they had stopped in front of Edd’s locker, but apparently by accident. His fists were tight and hurting at his sides while his teeth were grinding together on their own, the tension in his jaw pulsing with a dull throb. Edd had taken a step back and was studying his face, he didn’t appear to be afraid but he was definitely more nervous than before. Waves of guilt washed over Kevin as he closed his eyes and tried to regulate his breathing, taking long even breaths to calm himself down.

“Uh, shit, I’m sorry Edd,” he said after peace had swept over his mind. “I’m not angry at you or anything, I—ugh, this is hard…” Edd took a small step closer, an expectant expression on his face that Kevin hadn’t ever seen before. “What those guys did makes me so _angry_ , I thought we were over stupid shit like bullying, y’know? At least I know _I_ am… and I’ve tried to force that on my team, but apparently nothing can get through their thick skulls.” Edd’s expectant expression faltered, but was replaced by a wide gap-toothed grin, causing Kevin to momentarily lose his train of thought. He averted his eyes and rubbed the back of his neck, finishing what he had to say with a mumble, “I should just kick them off the team, they don’t deserve a second chance.”

“Oh, I was worried for a second there,” Edd said after a moment. “I do appreciate your anger on my behalf Kevin, but there’s no need. If I’ve learned anything growing up, it’s that people can only really change by their own sheer will; you can’t force it on them.” His eyes went distant, looking away from Kevin before continuing in a quieter tone, “Unfortunately I don’t think kicking them off your team is a good idea. At least now you have some power over them… If you kick them off, you won’t be able to control them at all.”

That hadn’t ever occurred to Kevin, leave it to Edd to really see the overall picture. He was right after all, but Kevin didn’t like what it meant for his team. “Damn, I guess I’ll have to live with them for the rest of the year then.”

“Surely it won’t be that bad, it appears that you can handle them quite…” Edd trailed off, suddenly distracted by his featureless locker door. Well, it was featureless for the most part, the exception being the series of dark smudges Edd was staring at curiously. “…well,” he finished lightly, looking back to Kevin questioningly.

“Uh, er… when I was looking for you I came by your locker, and well—“

“You’re the one who erased Micheal’s vandalism?”

“Yeah, I couldn’t stand the thought of you having to see it,” his mouth said before his brain could react. Slowly things clicked together in Kevin’s mind, “Wait, you saw what he wrote?”

A small blush bloomed across Edd’s soft cheeks, his mouth forming a thin line as he nodded. “He stole a marker Marie had given me from my bag before they dragged me to the bathroom,” he explained, turning to open his locker. Inside was as neatly organized as his now-ruined notebooks, every shelf color coded and labeled in impossibly precise handwriting. He retrieved a pack of disinfectant wipes from a cubby, closing the aluminum door to clean off the smudges. “Though now I am a bit confused, what do you mean that you didn’t want me to see it? And you said you were looking for me?”

Kevin’s hand reflexively started to reach for the back of his neck again, but he stopped it half way, letting it fall to his side. He shouldn’t be so nervous around Edd. “Well, of course I didn’t want you to see it—I’m sure you know how awful that word is.” Edd’s blush deepened, he looked surprised and somewhat pleased as he eyed Kevin again. Kevin suddenly wondered if he was able to read Edd’s expressions (and the whole situation) properly, it felt like he was missing something. “Did you figure that I went to a broken bathroom because I needed to go?” he teased, mainly to hide his embarrassment. “Of course I was looking for you, it’s not like you’re ever late and Marie was really worried.”

“Ah, I have to admit Kevin, I never suspected you paid that much attention to me,” he said as he stowed the unused wipes back in his locker. He turned and gestured for them to continue walking with a little flourish Kevin found remarkably cute. “The fact you care about how I feel, and my wellbeing, is very heartwarming…”

Kevin could feel his flush creep down his neck, this time he couldn’t stop his smile from taking over his face. “Yeah, well, don’t mention it—it’s what friends do, right?” His voice came out quicker and at a higher pitch than he intended. Before Edd could debate whether or not they were friends, he changed the subject, “Anyway, you should text Marie, she must be worried that we aren’t back yet.”

Edd opened his mouth, but closed it before saying anything. He looked up at Kevin through his graceful eyelashes and Kevin, still blushing, had to look away. He heard Edd’s soft voice say, “Yes, of course, silly me. I should have already done that—I felt my phone vibrate when I was against the wall.” He sounded disappointed.

Kevin grunted in response, letting their conversation naturally fizzle out. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to continue talking, because god, he could listen to Edd’s unusual way of speaking all day, but he wasn’t sure he could trust himself to keep it casual anymore. 

_Heartwarming._ That’s how Edd described Kevin’s actions, and boy did that make his own heart flutter. It was a little sad that Edd had expected any less of him, but it wasn’t like he had really given Edd any reason to suspect that he had changed since middle school. Sure, to Kevin the changes seemed obvious, but Edd probably hadn’t been paying him any mind, and Kevin had never exactly given Edd a reason to pay attention to him. They barely ever spoke to each other, their current conversation the longest string of words they’ve spoken to each other since they were kids, or maybe ever. But it wasn’t even their current conversation anymore, Kevin had let it die. 

Why not go for it now? He should ask him out, or at least ask Edd to hang out sometime. It would be more awkward to ask later after they haven’t talked for a few days, letting the tentative connection he felt between them shrivel like their conversation. Now would be the best time, no doubt about it, but his tongue wasn’t moving. It felt thick and foreign in his mouth, the reoccurring reason why he could never talk to Edd. Rolling his tongue across the roof of his mouth, Kevin realized that there was something more important than continuing their conversation, it was Edd’s safety.

Knowing Micheal, there was no guarantee that he’ll listen to Kevin’s threat. Especially seeing as he hadn’t gotten what he wanted out of Edd. Kevin realized that there was a high chance of Micheal antagonizing Edd at some point during the day, or possibly during the upcoming week. If he did, Kevin would have to act upon his word and tell Coach Rene, which would mean relinquishing all control over Micheal and his follower friends. He would have to do it too, because if Kevin failed to hold up his word it would show weakness—loosing control in a whole other way, inviting Micheal to walk all over him. It was all very stupid and childish to Kevin, and Edd had made him realize what he’d accidentally gotten himself into.

To Kevin the solution was simple, and possibly even enjoyable. He’d just have to keep an eye on Edd throughout the day, making sure Micheal or any of his lackey friends didn’t approach him. That meant being around Edd for as long as possible, a pulse-racing concept that would only work if Kevin could get his damn tongue to function properly.

“H-hey, Edd?”

Edd turned his head to look at Kevin, that expectant expression from earlier tentatively sneaking onto his face. His lips were parted slightly, tongue darting to wet them as his dark hair fell from his face due to the new tilt of his head. He was barely taller than Kevin’s shoulder, making him around average height, but the rosiness of his cheeks and the seemingly innocent glean to his big eyes made Edd look so much smaller. Kevin just wanted to protect him, cradling Edd’s sleek body against his own and shower him with millions of gentle kisses.

“Yes?”

“Uh…” Kevin could tell that he was on the verge of being speechless again, all from that single look Edd gave him. 

Edd smiled at the expression on Kevin’s face, taking a step closer and—Oh god, was that Edd’s hand resting on his forearm? The warmth radiating from his soft hand made Kevin’s knees turn to jelly, and if he wasn’t speechless moments earlier, he definitely was now. Kevin felt a strong urge to run away to prevent making a fool of himself, because that’s what he was obviously doing. This must all be very funny to Edd—hence his beautiful smile, but he had to ask; or at least try.

“Would you want to eat lunch with me today?!” He half-shouted.

Startled, Edd withdrew his hand. His smile wavered briefly, but it came back larger and more open than before. A light tinge of pink settled over his cheeks and Kevin couldn’t believe his luck.

“Absolutely, I’d be honored.”

“R-really? You can bring Marie too, I’m sure Nazz would like to see her…”

“Of course,” he chuckled. “But I have to ask, where’s that confident football jock I’ve heard so much about?”

“Huh?” Kevin blinked. Realizing Edd was referring to him, he flushed and grumbled, “I honestly don’t think he ever existed…”


	2. Breaking Point Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next part, finishing off what I intended to be the first chapter. It's looooong, so I'm glad I split it up! I loved every single comment you guys left, they all really helped my motivation. I think the next chapter will be out in 3-4 weeks, so please continue with the feedback!
> 
> Enjoy!

Kevin was glad that the expected scolding from Mrs. Wells had been cut short when he and Edd had returned to class together. She was too distracted by the fact that she had completely failed to notice Edd’s absence to really pursue any punishment for taking a 20 minute bathroom break. Edd’s excuse went over well enough too; though Kevin had to wonder how he got away with saying he was busy in the Nurse’s Office without any subsequent note as proof, the possibility that Edd could lie to a teacher probably never crossed Mrs. Wells’ mind. 

Edd had even told her that Kevin had helped him to class, both bringing attention to the length of time Kevin had been gone and explaining it away with the same move. Maybe it was Edd’s polite confidence or his blemish-free record, but either way Mrs. Wells had accepted his excuse without any problems. It was pretty impressive to witness.

Kevin kept a watchful eye on Edd throughout their morning classes and passing periods, making sure that Micheal didn’t show his ugly face. Though he hadn’t voiced his intentions to protect him, Edd seemed to be aware that Kevin was paying close attention to his movements. Class after class Edd made eye contact with Kevin, whether it happened when they were just sitting down or in the middle of lecture, his bright eyes and little smile always made Kevin’s heart beat faster.

The brief attention from Edd made it hard to focus on classwork, Kevin’s mind caught up in all the possible meanings behind Edd’s hopeful looks.

Biology had been by far the worst, Kevin was too strung out from his adrenaline cool-down to really focus on the second half of Mrs. Wells’ lecture, and the parts of him that could pay attention were too busy watching Edd. It didn’t help that Edd sat right in front of him, his lithe neck and narrow muscular shoulders harder to ignore now that Kevin started to suspect that Edd might actually like him back. 

Now _that_ thought was truly distracting.

Kevin tried to listen to the lecture, but the delicious heat from Edd’s touch still radiated throughout his arm. Why had Edd touched him like that, out of the blue? Edd had to like him, though Kevin couldn’t get his hopes too high. After all, Nat touched Kevin a lot more than that, and he was pretty sure his friend was only playing. Though his friend was basically attracted to everyone, so maybe there _was_ something there. Either way it didn’t matter to Kevin, Nat’s playful pinches and slaps were nothing like Edd’s gentle caress; there was no comparison. He would gladly just be friends with the guy if all he got in return was an occasional touch. 

Kevin realized that he’d been staring at the back of Edd’s head for longer than appropriate; in case anyone began to notice he shifted in his seat so he could better see the projected powerpoint slide. Nothing Mrs. Wells said registered in his brain, he would definitely have to reread the chapter later to ensure he didn’t fall behind. Most likely for every class until lunch too, he could tell that paying attention just wasn't going to happen for the rest of the day, too much was on his mind.

When the lunch bell finally came around, after a long and tedious AP Chemistry lab, Kevin was looking forward to seeing his friends and talking to Edd again. He was hoping to get to know Edd better, having a crush on someone he barely talked to was beginning to feel silly and sort of contrived, and he desperately wanted to get rid of that feeling. Talking to him earlier had left wondrous butterflies in his stomach, plus Kevin thought he actually managed not to make a complete fool of himself. That could change though, but as long as his tongue kindly cooperated, embarrassment shouldn’t be an issue. 

Getting Edd’s number, on the other hand, might pose some problems.

He couldn’t just ask him, right? He needed some other reason as cover or he might scare Edd away. But if Edd _did_ like him back, scaring him away might not matter, he’d just answer on the spot. It was all very confusing, Kevin really needed to talk to Nazz. She actually knew what she was doing when it came to dating, he could trust her sage judgement.

As he walked toward the cafeteria Kevin spotted Edd and Marie by her locker. He started to head in their direction, hoping to catch them before they left to get lunch. Edd was talking excitedly to her, his exuberant hand movements making Kevin smile. Marie didn’t seem pleased at whatever Edd was saying, if her eye rolls meant anything, but Edd didn’t appear to notice. He was getting more and more excited, both his hands and mouth moving quicker, in response Marie flicked her blue bangs out of her face and shut her locker door. As she turned she caught sight of Kevin, which only made her turn and walk away quicker, Edd following by her side as he continued to talk.

“Hey, Edd!” He called down the rapidly emptying hall, Edd turned immediately while Marie stood still in her spot. “Wait up!”

“Greetings Kevin!” Edd said once Kevin had caught up, smiling he anxiously readjusted the plastic bag that held his temporary school supplies. Marie sighed and rolled her eyes again as they began walking toward the cafeteria together.

“You didn’t forget that we’re on for lunch, right?”

“O-of course not, I’ve been looking forward to it since you asked earlier,” Edd said quickly, rosy swirls blooming across his cheeks.

“Which reminds me, _why_ are we hanging with this idiot man-child again?” Marie asked flatly, focusing solely on Edd.

“I’m right here y’know.”

“Oh, _believe_ me,” she turned and flashed Kevin a sarcastic smile, “I know.”

Kevin gritted his teeth, which only seemed to amuse Marie more. Obviously she was just trying to aggravate him, so Kevin decided that a response wasn’t justified; it would only give her what she wanted. He sucked in a lungful of air and regulated his breathing, stuffing his hands deep into the pockets of his green hoodie.

“Marie!” Edd exclaimed, looking stricken, “You very well know why—so don’t be rude!” He stopped walking and crossed his arms, shifting all his weight to one foot as he continued in a slightly smug tone, “And besides, earlier you didn’t seem so opposed to the idea when you knew your girlfriend would be present!”

Kevin snickered at the dumbfounded look on Marie’s face, which earned him a scowl in return.

“Do you really want me to go into how excited _you’ve_ been for the last few hours, Edd? More precisely, _why_ you’ve been so excited—because I will if you keep pushing me.” 

Edd looked mortified, his face suddenly turning a deep shade of red as he tried to stutter out a response. Kevin remembered that look of fear on Edd’s face, he’d caused that expression multiple times throughout their childhood. He couldn’t help but feel angry at himself and Marie, but before he could call Marie out for being a dick, Kevin noticed _her_ expression. She appeared to be genuinely mad at herself for whatever she had just done. 

Ducking her head Marie sighed, “It’s fine, I’m sorry—don’t get like that Edd. I was only joking anyway—you can take a joke, right Kevin?”

Kevin shrugged and clicked his jaw, but otherwise ignored the question, instead softly addressing Edd, “Let’s get going, I’m sure Nazz and Nat are already there.”

Marie looked displeased, to say the least, at being overlooked; but also slightly apologetic. Ignoring him she talked quietly with Edd as they continued walking. They didn’t seem to be arguing, but Edd didn’t look too happy either, responding to whatever Marie was saying quickly without the excitement Kevin had witnessed earlier. Kevin didn’t mind that he wasn’t included in their conversation, he had a feeling that they were talking about him, or whatever their almost-argument had been about. He made sure to give them some space so he wouldn't have to overhear any of Marie’s insults. 

Kevin wanted to cheer Edd up. He didn’t know why Edd had reacted the way he did to Marie’s words, but still he didn’t like it. He never liked the sight of anyone upset, but his usual displeasure was at least doubled when it came to Edd’s downtrodden expression. He was sure that Marie would be distracted by Nazz once they got to the cafeteria, so he could have Edd all to himself without her nosing in. Maybe he could cheer him up then. Hopefully things would go his way.

They huddled closer together as multiple streams of students converged on the cafeteria doors. Soon they were inside the light-filled cacophonous room. Orange and white rectangular tables were laid out in a disorderly grid, with the ‘cool’ tables being by the wall with giant glass windows overlooking the courtyard garden, while the ‘loser’ tables were along the opposite wall, closest to the kitchens and lunch line. The division had just naturally happened, the jocks and popular kids claiming the best seats in the house while everyone else followed suit and self organized. By now the division was ingrained into school society, but that didn’t completely stop social cross-pollination; which to Kevin was a blessing.

Kevin led the way to his typical table at the far corner of the room, where the glass wall met its painted cinderblock counterpart. He could already see Nazz and Nat sitting there under the annoyingly bright mural of Peach-ums, the school’s cartoon slice of pie mascot. When Nazz looked up in surprise from a giggle-filled conversation with Nat, eyes zeroing in on the two people behind him, a realization hit Kevin: he had completely forgot to ask his friends if Edd and Marie could join them for lunch. He inwardly groaned and prepared himself for the inevitable jabs and pushes he’ll have to give Nat to ensure his loud friend didn’t reveal anything about his crush. He could already see that mischievous gleam in Nat’s eye as he sat down next to him.

“Uh, I hope you guys are fine with Edd and Marie eating lunch with us.”

“Of course it’s fine!” Nazz smiled happily from across the table. “Here, Edd sit next to me, it’s been forever since we’ve talked!”

“Not on purpose, I hope,” Edd grinned as he slid into the seat across from Kevin, his foot briefly brushing against Kevin’s calf. Kevin jumped a little, a blush staining his cheeks. Only Nat noticed, earning him a curious glance.

“After all the stuff I’ve told him, I’m not surprised he doesn’t talk to you,” Marie teased, scooching closer to her girlfriend as she plopped down by Nazz’s other side.

“I sure hope you’re not spreading this ‘stuff’ to just anyone,” Nazz practically beamed in response, snuggling up to the blue-haired annoyance.

Kevin would be lying if he said that he didn’t feel a pang of jealousy seeing his friend being so intimate in public. It wasn’t that he wanted Marie, or the couple’s happiness, it was just that nobody batted an eye at two girls being so touchy. Nazz had never announced her sexuality to anyone at school, but she wasn’t exactly hiding it either. She definitely wasn’t hiding the display of affection that was going on before his eyes, but quickly glancing around Kevin didn’t see anyone reacting negatively—or even noticing. It was good, it made Kevin happy that Nazz and Marie didn’t have to go to lengthy measures to hide themselves, but he knew that if he and Edd ever did something like that he would feel the male judgement seep out of the inevitable glares from nearby tables.

“Ah,” Nat crooned from behind the hands cradling his chin, “Young love. So sweet, so pure!”

Nat suddenly turned and nudged Kevin’s side with his elbow, a sly grin on his face which could only mean trouble, “Don’t you wish you could have something like that Kev?”

Kevin glanced at Edd for a microsecond, his green eyes meeting Edd’s blue, before nervously looking back to Nat. “Of course, I mean, who wouldn’t?” 

“Oh, don’t worry your pretty little head, sweet cheeks! You’ll always have me by your side.” Nat leaned in closer to Kevin before whispering in his ear, purposely loud enough so the other three could hear, “Your backside, that is.”

“Jesus, Nat!” Kevin blushed, pushing his laughing obnoxious friend away as Marie and Nazz chuckled.

“Awww! Foiled again!” Nat pouted and played hurt, before batting his eyelashes at Edd. “Unrequited love is just the worst, isn’t it Edd?”

“I-I suppose so,” Edd said, sheepishly looking up from his sandwich before taking another bite.

“Well, they say the first step to getting over a crush is to sleep around—“

“ _Who_ says that exactly?” Nazz asked, holding back a wave of giggles.

“Why, me of course. But please don’t interrupt me, this is important.” Kevin rolled his eyes as Nat made a big deal out of clearing his throat. “ _Anyway_ , as I was saying before I was so _rudely_ interrupted; if this dense hunk of all-american football star won’t have me, maybe I should try for a more sophisticated and quiet type.” Nat paused, shooting Edd his best ‘I’m charming, don’t feel weird’ smile and winked, “What do you say, Double Delightful, wanna give it a shot?”

Edd’s eyes went wide and looked around the table before bursting into a fit of laughter. Kevin was _this_ close to kicking Nat hard under the table, because really the guy was trying to push his buttons, but he felt his mind go numb at the sight of his laughing crush. Edd’s laugh was bubbly and contagious, soon Kevin found himself snickering along with Nazz and Marie as Edd regressed to adorable giggles. It was even better that all the laughter was at Nat’s expense.

“Hey, I know I’m funny, but not _that_ funny!” 

“I’m sorry Nat, it’s just that your proposal was so ridiculous!” Edd exclaimed as he caught his breath. “Perhaps it’s the way you phrased it all, I have no idea; but I couldn’t help myself!”

“Denial, denial; that’s all I get!” Nat dramatically sighed, playfully crossing his arms like a big toddler. “I wonder what I’m doing wrong.”

“I think I could name a few things, it’s a long list though, so get ready.” Nazz stuck out her tongue at Nat before taking out her phone, fingers flicking across the screen, as if she were actually searching for said list. Who knows, maybe she was.

“Har-har blondie, we both know that my wear-em’-down strategy only works in the long run, it can’t be judged after only a few tries!”

“Dude, I wasn’t the one who doubted your abilities, that was _you_.”

“Wait Nat, you were being serious?” Edd interrupted, the red of his cheeks heightening the blue of his eyes. “I wouldn’t have laughed if I knew that! But the answer is still no; we barely know each other…”

“He wasn’t serious,” Kevin said with finality, eying Nat; daring him to disagree.

Nat indulgently picked his nails and grinned, “Eh, you’ll never know, that’s just how I roll.” He then took a moment to consider what Edd had said. “But I swear, we _do_ know each other—weren’t we partners for that history project all last year?”

“What? No, I don’t believe I’ve taken a history class since sophomore year.”

“Huh, maybe it was a dream then—or _maybe_ it’s because I’m always hearing so much about you fr— _OW!_ ”

Nat clutched his side from where Kevin had ‘accidentally’ elbowed him, the asshole was smirking too. All because he knew he had succeeded in provoking Kevin.

“Sorry for interrupting such an enlightening conversation, but Edd take a look at who’s coming over,” Marie pointed over Kevin’s shoulder.

Everyone at the table turned to look at where Marie was pointing. Kevin heard Edd sigh as he noticed a fashionably dressed redheaded cheerleader weave through the maze of tables. He only recognized her pretty round face and pointy nose when she got closer.

“Can’t she take a hint?” He heard Marie mutter as the girl came to a stop next to Edd. Kevin found that pretty ironic considering her own past with her now best friend.

“Hiya Double-D!”

“It’s Edd, Sarah.”

“Yeah sure, whatever,” Sarah beamed, nervously picking lint off of her PCH Cheer Squad sweater. The loud little girl from their neighborhood had grown up to be an attractive sophomore, though Kevin found it upsetting that he never knew, until now, that she was a cheerleader like Nazz. He only had himself to blame; he only paid attention to his blonde friend if he ever looked to the sidelines. He guessed he never noticed Sarah’s face when the squad consistently fawned over him after every game. “So, do you have an answer yet Double-D?”

“Edd, and yes I do.”

Kevin had never heard Edd speak like that before, his voice disengaged and flat. Completely different from his normal animated and emotion-filled self. The chilly change settled Kevin’s jealous nerves, for Edd’s response was definitely going to be negative, though Sarah seemed oblivious to that fact.

“And?” She eagerly asked.

“Like every time before; _no_.”

“Wh-What?!” Sarah’s lip trembled, her grating voice stuffed with sadness and anger. “Why won’t you go out with me?”

“Because he isn’t interested in redheads, silly!” Nat piped up, nudging Kevin under the table.

Kevin clenched his jaw, Nat was seriously testing him today. He looked down at his half-eaten lunch, trying his best not to stomp on Nat’s foot or look at Edd. He found that he couldn’t resist, quickly glancing up only to see Edd immediately look away; Kevin only able to fully glimpse Edd’s flushed face for a second before he returned his attention to Sarah.

“This is none of your business Goldberg!” Sarah barked at Nat, fists tightening as she turned back to Edd. Her voice completely changed to one of uncertain determination as her hands quivered at her sides, “You don’t like m-me because of my h-hair? I can dye it if you want!”

The plastered indifference on Edd’s face seemed to crack at Sarah’s words. His eyes sad, he sighed, “No, please don’t change yourself for me, or anyone for that matter, especially if you’re only trying to get someone to like you. I’m actually quite partial to that color, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m not interested in pursuing a relationship with you, now or ever. I’ve denied your advances countless times since the beginning of the year, why do you think I’d change my mind now?”

Kevin didn’t catch whatever Sarah said in response, for a waterfall of blood was rushing through his ears, drowning out all sound. He was aware of her angry expression as she stomped away from the table, but all that he could think about was Edd offhandedly admitting that he’s attracted to red hair. That plus all the looks they’ve been sharing since the run-in with Micheal sent Kevin’s mind reeling. It was becoming more and more likely that Edd had feelings for him, or at least that’s what the evidence was pointing to. Of course it could just be wishful thinking, meaningless coincidences strung together by Kevin’s mind to form what he wanted to see. Even so, a smile still snuck onto Kevin’s face as he tried to regain composure and refocus his attention back to the table.

“You let her off too easy in my opinion.”

“She’s confused Marie, and it’s still Sarah I’m dealing with, she could explode at any moment.”

“Yeah, well, she’s been badgering you for weeks now and only I can do that!”

“ _Weeks?!_ ” Nazz looked at Edd in shock, then back to Marie. “You should have told me this was going on, I could’ve helped! She’s on my squad, I’ve had to deal with shit like this before.”

“I think it finally sunk in now though,” Nat said, eyeing the huddle of girls comforting Sarah’s furious tears a few tables over. “Who knew that Edd was such a heartbreaker!”

Edd’s blush tinged the top of his ears a rosy pink as he ducked his head, distracting himself by plopping a apple slice into his mouth. He’s so adorable, Kevin thought; no wonder everyone wants him. After chewing his apple Edd finally responded, “Believe me, I wasn’t planning on becoming a so-called ‘heartbreaker’…”

“So, um, why don’t you want to go out with her?” Kevin asked casually, before anyone else could say anything. “I mean besides the crazy, she’s not that bad looking.”

“I think ‘the crazy’ is ample reason not to be associated with her,” Edd giggled, his earlier blush deepening. “Besides, I’m actually interested in someone else right now.”

“Oh, are they interested in you too?” Nat asked, that sly grin of his defiling his face.

Edd looked up at Kevin through his dark bangs, momentarily scrutinizing his face with his limitless blue eyes before shifting to address Nat, “I-I’m not completely sure, I definitely hope so, but I suppose only time will tell.”

Edd was referring to him, right? Why else would he look at him like that, so unsure but hesitantly hopeful. There was no other reason, unless Kevin had something on his face, then him being the object of Edd’s interest. Was Edd waiting on him to make the first move? Should he just go ahead and ask him out, hoping for the best? He couldn’t with his friends and Marie there, especially if it turned out that he _wasn’t_ the one Edd was referring to. He needed to be absolutely positive that Edd liked him, Kevin wasn’t sure if he could handle rejection from the guy he’s been dreaming about since the beginning of high school. He had to discuss this with Nazz, or even with Nat at this point, before attempting to make a move.

“I’m sure they like you Edd! How can they not, you’re so precious!” Nazz asserted, shooting Kevin a questioning look.

Kevin had to look away to hide from Nazz’s accusing eyes, and to conceal the shameful blush he felt spreading across his cheeks. Taking a moment to scan the cafeteria, he found himself looking at a table filled with members of his team and their chatty girlfriends. That’s how he discovered Micheal staring at him.

The blond boy had a scrunched up expression, as if he was calculating a complex equation—though Kevin was sure he couldn’t even do pre-algebra without cheating. When he noticed Kevin’s curious glare, a devious smirk spread across his rat-like face. God, Kevin wanted nothing more than to stride across the room and smack that smile off Micheal’s smug features, but unfortunately that would probably mean a suspension. Micheal wasn’t worth that, but something about his expression spelled trouble though, like he knew something—like he knew about Kevin’s crush.

But _how?_ Kevin panicked; Michael wasn’t that smart, how could he know something like that? He was probably just jumping to conclusions, but Kevin knew it didn’t matter if Micheal knew his secret or not, it was obvious that he’ll give him trouble after school at practice no matter what. How much trouble, Kevin couldn’t guess. He’ll have to fill Nat in on what happened during first period to ensure that he’d have backup if things got ugly. 

Kevin sneered and turned away, hoping Micheal would stop staring at him. He briefly peered down at the remnants of his lunch, but soon his eyes automatically looked across the table at Edd. He was studying Kevin with concerned, worry-filled eyes while Nazz and Nat were engrossed in an argument. What did he see? Who was Kevin to him, just another mindless jock? A pathetic coward? These questions rolled through Kevin’s mind while Edd’s eyebrows furrowed and a small frown disturbed his delicate lips. 

Kevin quickly turned away, eyes accidentally meeting Micheal’s again, whose ugly smile only grew wider by the second.

Lunch was definitely _not_ going the way he planned.

 

-o-

 

“Seriously, just ask him already!” Nat huffed, the sharp smack of metal echoing through the locker room as he pushed the doors open. “If I have to sit through another lunch filled with you two making googly eyes at each other I swear I’ll leave and eat in the AV room like some depressed freshman.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“Oh, how funny, go ahead and pretend you don’t love me! But really man, why haven’t you jumped on that lil’ cutie-patootie?”

Kevin sighed, “I just don’t know if he likes me like that, alright?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Nat rolled his eyes and dialed his combination. “He’s so obviously into your dumbass it’s not even funny anymore!”

“How would you know? You flirt with anything with a pulse!”

“Rude. And anyway, wouldn’t that mean that I _know_ when someone’s into me? Ever think of that?” 

Kevin slumped down onto the bench in front of his locker. “No…”

“So trust me when I say that that boy totally wants your gaybies.” Nat tugged off his shirt and deposited it into his locker. “Like, all over his face and preferably by yesterday—seriously every time either of you mentioned anything _remotely_ romantic both of you stared at each other like we didn’t even exist.”

Kevin bent down to take off his shoes. “Ugh, dude, do you have to make everything so graphic?”

“If it gets the point across, yes!”

“So all the time then?” Kevin joked, hoping to change the subject before their teammates started to arrive. Since he was captain and Nat vice-captain they always got to practice early after school, usually to loosely lay out a plan of action for the team. Today though, Nat was determined to stay off track.

Nat frowned, “I’m not that easy to distract Kev, so stop that.” He began to pull on his uniform as he continued, “Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a good sexual tension filled stare down, but you two are so obviously dancing around each other that it’s almost infuriating to watch! Just kiss already!”

“Believe me, I’d love that…”

“Then _do_ it, ask him out! When did you become so timid?”

Kevin sighed, shrugging off his shirt, “I’ve never asked someone out before—“ He paused to slip into his practice uniform. “—and I dunno, I want to be absolutely sure he likes me. If he rejects me… I just don’t know man, I really don’t.”

“You know it’s literally physically impossible to know either way unless you ask him, right?”

“Yeah, but—“

“Trust me, he’ll say yes! But even if he doesn’t, at least you’ll know. And then you can stop wasting your time and move on—that’s what I’d do.”

Kevin shut his locker and turned to face Nat, studying his features. “Why do you care so much anyway?”

Nat shrugged, “I just want to see my main man happy, and you won’t be if you stay stuck in this yes/no limbo.” A smirk blossomed across his face as he batted his eyes, “And plus, I think you two would make the absolute _cutest_ couple!”

“You’re damn right about that,” Kevin murmured through a smile. He was glad someone else agreed with him. The thought of holding Edd’s hand as they walked down the hall, Edd wearing his letter jacket grinning ear to ear, and seeing Edd cheer for him from the bleachers all flashed through his mind; Kevin knew for a fact that they’d be sickeningly cute together. Just thinking about their possible relationship made Kevin’s heart flutter with anticipation.

He hoped that Nat was right, that Edd felt the same way about him. Maybe Edd even had similar thoughts, images in his own mind of them together. Even if none of his own preconceived moments ever occurred, he would be happy just to be with him. Because Kevin knew that no matter how wonderful fantasies could be, reality would always be different, probably a thousand times better than what his brain could come up with. But of course it would never be reality unless he actually took the initiative and asked Edd out. 

Though Nat was sure that Edd had feelings for him, Kevin wouldn’t know for certain until he got around to asking him, and that task still felt daunting. Nat’s positivity was enough for him to decide that yes, he would eventually confront Edd this year, but he still had to muster up the courage to do it—and that might take awhile to find.

The locker room doors opened and a few members of their team began to trickle through, laughing and jostling each other, building excitement for practice. Kevin immediately hid his vulnerable self behind the more ‘bro-y’ mask he used when with his teammates. His body and mind were trained over years to be more aware of his actions and how his team perceived him, all to convey the so-called normalcy that wasn’t there. Nat always noticed the difference and it was one of the few things he never joked about, for which Kevin was immensely grateful.

He and Nat greeted the guys as they passed them, taking note of who was present. Both Henry and Stephen didn’t make eye contact with Kevin, hopefully they were on their best behavior due to the threat that morning. It was a good sign that Micheal wasn't with them like he usually was, maybe without his lackeys he’d be more cooperative than the stare at lunch led Kevin to believe.

No, of course not, Kevin groaned to himself as Micheal sauntered in last, a sickly smirk on his face. He felt his brow furrow from annoyance as Micheal ignored Nat’s exuberant welcome, making his way to his locker without so much as a word to either of them. That wasn’t a good sign.

“Alright!” Kevin shouted to catch the attention of the room. “Now that we’re all here, get ready and meet us out on the field. We’ll be doing passing and tackling exercises today, so prepare yourselves!”

He turned and jogged down the sloping hall to the manicured turf outside, Nat following him as the sounds of the locker room faded away.

“Geez, what’s his deal?” Nat said once they were stretching on the field, waiting for Coach and the rest of the team to arrive.

“Probably gonna give me some shit today because of the whole thing with Edd.”

“I wondered about that, but you never know with that guy,” Nat rolled his shoulders, cajoling a pop from his joints. “I have your back no matter what he does, don’t worry man.”

Kevin frowned. “I’m not worried, he’s just crazy irritating.”

Nat was about to respond, but cut himself off as the team began to run out and join in the stretching. They’d only begin the real practice after 20 minutes of limbering up, by which point Coach Rene should arrive.

 

-o-

 

It was already halfway through the stretching time, and Kevin was only just beginning to feel relaxed. Though Micheal should have already been out on the field by now, he was nowhere to be seen, and Kevin couldn’t find it in himself to care. He was feeling loose and happy, ready for practice, and he wouldn’t allow thoughts of that douche to bring him down. 

Though his father was the one to force him into it, Kevin actually enjoyed playing football—and he was an exceptional quarterback. He just didn’t care for all the stupid shit that came along with it; basically everything Micheal embodied as a supposed third generation player, whatever that meant. Shit like all that unnecessary macho business which made everything more serious than it needed to be, but luckily it seemed like Micheal was one of the few players who actually cared about that outdated garbage. 

Most of his team were decent guys who just wanted to have fun and get scholarships for college, but Kevin still worried about how they’d react to him being gay. Not because he particularly cared about their approval or anything, but because he’s spent his whole life trying to fit into a box that was the wrong shape, being someone he wasn’t, and he just didn’t really know how to be himself. He didn’t think he’d be much different, but people would probably take awhile to adjust. Their expectations shattered, people would be confused and angry, possibly lashing out at him if he wasn’t careful. He didn’t know if he could deal with that kind of torment, but it was just so tiring hiding himself from most of the people in his life. Thank god he at least had Nazz and Nat, but they weren't enough anymore. Unfortunately he didn’t get to talk to them about a coming out strategy at lunch. He knew that he had to do it, that he _wanted_ to, he just didn’t know how.

He continued stretching as his thoughts consumed him, that paired with the relaxation from physical activity distracted him from the approaching muffled footsteps. Kevin was reaching for his toes when a nasally voice interrupted his flow, rising above the chatter coming from the rest of the team.

“I hope you’re happy, _captain_ ,” Micheal spat out, “I missed homework credit because of your little heroic act this morning.”

Kevin stood up to see Micheal standing before him, arms crossed, anger painting his face. Henry and Stephen were behind him, but they both looked a bit sheepish and hesitant to be there. He glared at the trio as Nat jumped up and stood by his side.

Kevin’s hands tightened into fists. “Are you just gonna stand there and annoy me, or are you gonna get to stretching like an actual decent member of the team?”

Micheal’s face burned red, his anger growing. “ _No!_ I wanna fight you! You act all tough, so _prove_ it!”

He couldn’t be serious, Kevin blinked in surprise, sure he was built, but Micheal barely stood taller than Nat’s chin! He had to be kidding, but it quickly became obvious that Micheal was being true to his word when he moved into a fighting stance, arms up—ready to strike. It was hard not to burst into a fit of laughter because Kevin knew he could easily knock the asshole out with one punch, embarrassing Micheal forever. As much as he wanted to do that, Michael just wasn’t worth the trouble. Plus, Kevin knew that cool indifference would make Micheal look like a complete idiot, because by now the rest of the team had huddled into a loose circle around them, everything would be seen.

“You have to be joking.”

“What? Too scared? You were all prepared to defend that fag earlier, but I guess you’re just a pussy after all!”

“Hey, that’s uncalled for!” Nat exclaimed, murmurs of agreement spreading through their team.

Kevin ground his teeth together and tried to control his breathing. He thought he had the upper hand over his emotions because Micheal served no threat, but anger started to spill out of him from every pore, all due to that small, seemingly insignificant word Micheal had called Edd. Memories of his father saying that word were cycling through his brain, over and over—his father’s voice getting louder with every passing microsecond, making his ears ring. He could feel his already tight fists clench further, and his face contort in rage. He had to get himself under control, taking deeper and slower breaths, but nothing seemed to be working. All he could think about was wringing Micheal’s thick neck, his fingers twitched expectantly.

Micheal smirked at Kevin’s silent fury, probably mistaking it for defeat. “Aw, look how angry he’s getting! You don’t like that word much, right? Always demanding I don’t use it, there must be a reason for that—lemme guess, you’re a fag too!”

Kevin didn’t hear the wave of disapproval from his teammates aimed at Micheal, or even feel Nat’s calming hand on his shoulder, all he could hear was Micheal’s voice mixing with his father’s, chanting _‘fag’_ on repeat, reverberating against the inside of his skull. All he could see was the distain on Micheal’s face, and the disgust and loathing on his father’s as they uttered that word, their faces syncing as they continued to chant. 

He hated them, he hated them so much. He hated how they made him feel, that he wasn’t strong enough to bear it, that a word could cut him down so quickly and easily. Kevin gave in to the anger, gave up trying to contain it, letting it take over and boil in his veins. 

He was vaguely aware of the vicious shriek that emanated from his mouth as he drove his right fist straight into Micheal’s stunned face. Kevin’s fist connected with Micheal’s jaw with a sickening crack, momentary pain blooming across his knuckles. He could feel the rush of satisfaction as the blond boy thumped to the ground, out cold.

It had only taken one punch to knock him out, like he knew it would.

The satisfaction Kevin felt faded as he looked down at Micheal’s fallen form, a red mark adorning his jaw where a bruise would be in a matter of hours. Shame suddenly overcame him, he had allowed this to happen, he had gotten out of control. He looked up to see the shocked expressions of his teammates, everyone staring at him like he was some sort of alien, nobody saying a word.

“What in _God’s_ name is going on here?!” Coach Rene shouted, pushing her way through the thin circle of teenage boys. She came to a stop and Kevin couldn’t look at her, he didn’t want to see the look of disappointment that must now decorate her face.

He heard her sigh and take a breath. “Antione, Will; please take Micheal to the Nurse’s Office. Nat, you lead practice while Kevin…” He looked up, she didn’t look angry or disappointed, just a bit sad; her dark eyes kind. “Please follow me.”

Only then did his team start murmuring amongst themselves, parting to allow Coach and Kevin through. He didn’t hear what they were saying, but he wasn’t sure that he wanted to. Kevin could feel a wetness on his cheeks, when did he start crying? Everyone could see his tears, he felt humiliated and just wanted to collapse into himself and disappear; to hide away from their judgement. They were probably laughing at him. Normally he’d get angry at that possibility, but he felt so wrung out and spent; hollow and empty.

Kevin followed Coach into the labyrinth that was the Sports Complex next to the field, up bleak concrete stairs and down long orange and white corridors to her office. He’d only been there a few times in the three full years he’s been on the team, but it appeared exactly as he remembered. A large white desk dominated the center of the room, which Coach Rene was now sitting behind, studying him as he plopped into the green vinyl chair positioned facing the desk. Shelves of trophies from her career in the IWFL lined the walls, and multiple filing cabinets made the room feel even more crowded and cramped. He tried to look anywhere but her face, concentrating specifically on the yearly photos of his team, the PCH Cobblers, that were framed behind her desk.

“Look at me Kevin,” she demanded, quiet but firm. “Tell me what happened.”

He shifted in his seat uncomfortably, but nonetheless looked up at his coach. She was a handsome woman, stout and powerful with short black hair and deep olive skin. She could be vicious and knew how to whip his team into shape, but she wasn’t mean for the sake of it. She was levelheaded and smart, Kevin had accidentally grown quite attached to her. He’d like to think she cared for him as well, and he hated hiding things from her.

“He deserved it.”

She chuckled, eyes crinkling, “I have no doubt about that, but I still need to know what happened to determine if _you_ deserve punishment or not.”

Kevin debated whether or not to tell her everything, to just leave it at the fight and nothing more, but the serious look she was giving him flung that idea out of his head. He knew he’d have to reveal everything, or most of it, anyway. 

He took a breath and began by explaining what happened that morning in the bathroom with Edd, making sure it sounded like he accidentally stumbled upon the situation. When she didn’t say anything he continued by laying out the events right before the punch, how Micheal was late and literally asked for a fight. As he was beginning to explain the actual fight itself, he could feel his shame start to fade. He wasn’t exactly happy, but he felt better—more at ease.

“…And he called me a word that just made me so angry, furious really… I tried to calm down but I just couldn’t. I snapped, I’ll admit that, I lunged at him and landed a good one right on his jaw,” he paused, becoming aware of his throbbing red knuckles. They hurt a lot more than he expected. “And that’s when you found us, I guess.”

She studied his face again, he could see her considering everything he had told her. After a moment, she spoke up, “What was this word? Musth’ve been a doozy if it made you snap like that.”

Kevin averted his eyes and rubbed the back of his neck, debating what he should say. He swallowed nervously, deciding it best to tell the truth, “He called me a fag, ma’am…” 

He really hoped she’d leave it at that and just punish him, hoping that she wouldn’t pry.

“Are you gay, Kevin?” She asked intently, her voice even and steady. 

Kevin gulped, his mouth going dry. He could just lie to her and accept whatever she was going to deal out, but looking into her eyes, he didn’t see the burning hatred he expected. “Y-yes, ma’am—but please don’t tell the team! I don’t want anyone to know yet.”

“It’s okay Kevin, I’d never betray your trust like that.” She said, a small, almost motherly smile forming on her lips. Now she knew, and she wasn’t yelling at him. The fear Kevin felt slowly loosened its grip on his mind. She had to notice his relieved expression because she added, “You’re the star player for the team, I don’t give a crap about who you like or what you do in your spare time as long as it doesn’t interfere with your abilities.”

“T-thanks Coach.”

“Now, this fighting business on the other hand, _that’s_ unacceptable.”

“I understand—”

“But,” she continued, holding up a finger to silence him, “You didn’t ask for it, it just happened. I can’t say I’d react any differently if I was put in your position either. You’re a good kid Kevin, just don’t let it happen again.”

Kevin blinked, “What? I’m off the hook?”

“Yes, I suppose you are,” she chuckled. “Now go home early and get some rest, be sure to ice that hand too. We don’t want your throwing arm damaged with this tough season coming up.”

Kevin let a smile sneak onto his face, after so much uncertainty and anger he was relieved to feel even remotely happy. “I will Coach, thanks for understanding.”

“Kevin?” She asked just as he was about to open the door, he turned to look at her. “Don’t worry, it’s going to be okay.”

He met her small smile with a nod, turned back around and hurriedly left her office.

 

-o-

 

After changing into his clothes and collecting his backpack from his locker, Kevin found himself walking down the wide paved path that led from the football field to the far side of the Sports Complex. He knew this path well enough, he’d made the same trip at least four times in the last two years; every time he got out of practice early. In fact, he only just recently walked down the path the week before—when he pretended to have a stomach ache to get out of the last hour of play drills. He didn’t like missing practice, but he always made sure to exercise extra hard on the weekend to make up for lost time. In Kevin’s opinion the extra work was well worth it.

Soon the shiny new Gym became visible through the trees. It had massive windows of reflective glass similar to those in the cafeteria, the sky and treetops mirrored in the smooth surface. Each individual window was around four floors tall, indicating the large open space within. Though it looked massive from the outside, the Gym was in fact two separate buildings disguised as one. The first half enclosed a pair of multi-purpose basketball courts while the other housed an Olympic-size swimming pool. It was the half with the pool that Kevin was heading towards.

Kevin knew that all Peach Creek High athletic teams held practice on the same days of the week; Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. It was this rigid schedule that allowed him the opportunity to sneak onto the bleachers overlooking the pool. Well, not really ‘sneak’ in the normal sense, because anyone was allowed to watch practice and the bleachers were always fairly full, but Kevin had to be extra careful since he wasn’t supposed to be there. There’d be some awkward questions asked if he was spotted watching the swim team instead of participating in his own training, and he didn’t want to give up this occasional ritual.

It was worth the risk to witness the magic of Edd in the water.

He carefully made his way to the top row of the bleachers while the swim team was distracted doing routine laps. This was the spot he always sat in, far enough away so that he could only be seen from the pool if someone was actively searching, and he doubted any member of the team would ever look up past the first few rows filled with enthusiastic fans and pretty girls doing homework. He got comfortable and watched the pool.

Though Edd wasn’t the best on the team, there was something about the fluidity of his motion through water that was captivating. It might be Kevin viewing through rose-tinted glasses, only seeing the beauty in his crush, but he was fairly certain that half of the girls on the bleachers were there for Edd too. So Edd’s magnificence couldn’t just be his own mind playing tricks, it had to be real.

Edd climbed out of the water with the rest of his team, quickly lining up at one end of the pool to prepare to dive in again. Droplets of water cascaded down his softly sculpted torso and legs as he got into position, the lines of his body working harmoniously together when he and the rest of his team dived into the crystal blue water at the sharp shriek of a whistle. 

Edd rolled through the water like it was second nature to him, cutting the surface with his long strokes in a hypnotic rhythm. He definitely had the best form of his team, or at least he looked the most at home in the water, but he was not the quickest. Kevin wondered if he merely didn’t have the power or stamina to be quicker, for Edd was the smallest out of anyone in the water, but he wasn’t sure if size equated to strength in water like it did playing football. He did know that speed was key to swimming, that it was how teams were compared, but he really wasn't there for the competitive aspect of the sport. 

He was there to see Edd in his element, filled with grace and confidence. Edd had the same certainty in his movements as he had when answering a difficult question in class. Kevin thought it was hard to ignore him then, when Edd’s excitement for knowledge seemed to overflow, but that was nothing compared to how his body demanded attention in the water. Kevin was glad that he sat far away, because he had to admit that it felt a little weird staring at his basically naked crush in public. Though he doubted anyone would suspect anything if he were caught, he still couldn’t shake the anxious bubble forming in his throat. Since he realized his sexuality, Kevin basically trained his body not to pay attention to the guys in the changing room, or anywhere else really, so actively focusing on Edd’s elegant arms and minuscule orange speedo felt scary, if not a bit invigorating. 

Edd rebounded off the far wall of the pool third, rolling over into another stroke, long legs pumping hard. As the distance between Edd and his two teammates ahead of him closed, Kevin realized that Edd had been taking it easy and pacing himself earlier. Now he was overtaking the guy who touched the wall second, and soon was right on the heels of the guy in first place. When Edd was the one who reached the starting wall first, Kevin jumped to his feet and was about to let out a cheer before he caught himself. Nobody else had gotten up, though they were clapping enthusiastically. Kevin was relieved that he was too far away from the other onlookers to be noticed, so he quickly sat down and clapped with everyone else.

He hadn’t gone unnoticed however, because when Edd slipped out of the pool and caught his breath he pushed his goggles up to his forehead and looked straight at Kevin, making eye contact as best you could from across a massive room. Edd was too far away for Kevin to register what subtle expression dawned over his face, but he could see the wide gap-toothed grin that easily replaced it. Edd beamed up to the bleachers and waved. Some of the girls in the crowd waved back, but Kevin knew that wave was meant for him and _only_ him. He blushed, hoping Edd couldn’t see it, and waved back. He’d been found out, and he was surprised to find that he didn’t mind. That smile had to mean something.

From there on out whenever Edd exited the pool to get in line to prepare for another dive, he would briefly look up at the bleachers and smile contentedly when he saw Kevin. The way Edd looked around every time, it was like he suspected Kevin to leave whenever he wasn’t paying attention—Kevin being there a constant surprise. Kevin had to admit, he was tempted to bolt after that first smile, but only because he was nervous and didn’t know what to do besides smile back. It also didn’t help that with every additional smile doubtful questions started to pollute his mind. 

What did these smiles convey? What did Edd expect to happen after practice—would he want to talk to him? How would he explain his presence by the pool? It’s as if Kevin’s mind was trying to appeal to his cowardice, pointing out what things could go wrong or were socially questionable. But he stayed, he couldn’t be anything to Edd if he kept running away. Sure he’ll have to answer some unpleasant questions, but if that’s all it took to see Edd’s smile, it was worth it. 

Not to mention that since Edd noticed Kevin sitting in the bleachers, he had finished first every lap.

Before Kevin knew it, the swim coach blew the final whistle and dismissed practice. Swarms of students started to leave the bleachers and head toward the exits while Edd was overtaken by a cluster of his teammates, apparently congratulating him as they pushed into the locker rooms. Edd looked over his teammates’ heads up at Kevin, who was waiting for the place to clear out so he wouldn’t have to deal with the after-practice traffic in the parking lot. Kevin couldn’t read Edd’s face before he was out of sight behind the rest of his team, but he decided to wait longer and talk to Edd after he came out of the locker room—maybe congratulate him on a good practice or something, anything to get a conversation going. They hadn’t been able to really say anything to each other at lunch, and since Edd knew that he was there, he couldn't really sneak off like usual. He might even be able to _ask_ him—but only if the time was right.

That’s how Kevin found himself leaning against the wall by the Gym entrance, waiting for Edd to push the doors open and see him. He didn’t have to wait long, only around seven minutes (he counted), before Edd popped out from behind the buffed metal doors. Edd was facing away from him, busy talking to a guy Kevin felt like he knew, but had forgotten his name.

“Bye Dom, be safe getting home!”

The guy, Dom, had to be on Edd’s team. His dark auburn hair was wet and plastered to his forehead, and he had fading red marks around his eyes where goggles had been minutes earlier. He smiled at Edd and said goodbye. When he turned to leave Dom’s eyes met Kevin’s over Edd’s shoulder, and Dom instantly grimaced. Kevin didn’t have time to properly dwell on that look before Dom completely turned and walked away. He was soon met with Edd’s big curious eyes; the very thought of that slightly unsettling expression evaporating at the sight.

“Oh! Hello Kevin,” Edd said cheerily, a big grin settling over his features as he swung the plastic bag stuffed with school supplies over his shoulder. “I hoped that you’d be waiting for me, I’d like to thank you for today.”

“For this morning? Don’t worry ‘bout it Edd, like I said; that’s just what friends do.”

“Um, n-no, not that,” Edd averted his eyes and played with the handle to his bag. “I’d actually like to thank you for watching me practice. Nobody has ever done that before.”

“What? Are you serious—not even Marie?”

“Nope, never; she’s always too busy,” Edd shook his head. “It was really nice knowing someone was cheering for me from the crowd, it made practice very enjoyable.”

“Well I mean, I’m pretty sure half the bleachers were rooting for you,” Kevin mumbled through a blush. “They’d have to be crazy not to though, you’re amazing in the water. Like a dolphin or somethin’!”

“Ah, yes, I’m well aware of my ‘fans’ Kevin,” he said a bit sourly before looking up through his lashes at Kevin, “It means a lot more to me that you were there though, someone who I actually know relatively well. Especially since I imagine that it was quite difficult getting out of your own practice.”

“Uh, it was nothing—don’t mention it,” Kevin half-heartedly grumbled, the ache in his knuckles reminding him of what he had tried to forget. “There wasn’t any practice today, so I thought maybe I should see you in action; I’m glad I did.”

“Please feel free to return whenever you can,” Edd giggled, a subtle pink blush staining his cheeks. “Half the team already thinks you’re my lucky charm! I’ve never been able to repeatedly best Dom like that, he was fairly irate in the locker room after practice.”

Kevin chuckled at the idea, him bringing Edd luck. He was glad Edd liked him being there, even if he didn’t acknowledge the compliments he sent his way. Maybe next time he’d sit closer to the pool so Edd could see him easier. Edd probably looked even more amazing from the first row too.

“So, are you planning on walking me all the way home?”

Kevin blushed and rubbed the back of his neck, he allowed himself to get lost in thought while they began walking towards the front of school. What was his plan anyway? He couldn’t follow Edd all the way to the cul-de-sac without his bike…

“No,” Kevin said quickly, wondering how he could bring up his idea. The slight look of disappointment on Edd’s face gave him the courage to just ask, “I was actually planning on taking you home on my bike, that sound good?”

“On your motorcycle?” Edd repeated back to him, voice wavering. Kevin began to worry if he made a mistake asking, so he just nodded, not trusting his voice. He was genuinely surprised when he heard Edd heartily declare, “I’d love to!”

“Rad,” Kevin attempted to look indifferent, but Edd was brimming with unexpected excitement, causing him to smirk. “You’re really excited aren’t you? I thought you’d be scared.”

“Oh, motorcycles are without a doubt terrifying—highly dangerous and prone to accident, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t fascinating, and dare I say; _thrilling_ , machines,” Edd said rapidly, taking a breath before continuing, “And I have to admit, I watched you and Nat restore that motorcycle all throughout summer vacation. You turned a hunk of rusty metal into something quite marvelous, I’m excited to see how it turned out firsthand!”

“You mean _I_ restored it while Nat drank mimosas and watched,” Kevin joked, allowing himself to smile. “I could really have used some decent help though. You should have stopped by if you were so interested.”

“I was tempted, but—uh…” Edd trailed off, his mood changing before Kevin’s eyes. He looked embarrassed and a bit afraid. “I-I just wasn’t certain that you would desire my help. In the past you haven't been the most, uh, _eager_ to accept my advice.”

Kevin frowned, disappointed that Edd would think of him like that. He had left his garage door open all summer with the hope that Edd would notice and wander over to help. Kevin had been sure that his project would interest Edd, and was pretty devastated when he never showed up. Now he realized that Edd hadn’t come around because he was afraid of him, thinking that he was still the prideful bully who would make fun of Edd’s excessive knowledge. Kevin couldn't blame him for that, he was a complete dick back then, but now he was grown up; almost a legal adult. 

“Of course I would want your help Edd, you’re the smartest guy I know! I’m sure you know waaaay more about machines and motorcycles than I do.”

Edd nervously ran his long fingers through his damp black bangs, “I r-realize how silly I must seem, allowing insipid social anxieties to get in the way of actually doing things—“

“No, stop. Please,” Kevin interrupted. “There’s something I have to say if we’re gonna be friends,” he sighed, meeting Edd’s startled eyes, hoping to clear their past in order to make way for the future. “I’m really sorry for how shitty I was to you as a kid. You never deserved it, I was taking my own problems out on you and that’s extremely unfair… It’s just that you always seemed so happy and so _perfect_ —kind, smart, you name it. I guess that’s why I bullied you, because you were everything I wasn’t… I’m sorry Edd, I’m honestly a different person now.”

Kevin had started out firm and confident, but his feelings were harder to distill than he thought. He desperately hoped Edd would understand; to forgive him, to allow the guilt he’s been carrying around to lessen or maybe even disappear. He hadn’t even realized the severity of his guilt until he opened his mouth, trying to explain in _words_ ; conveying everything he had come to know about himself was different than just accepting it and moving on. Hopefully Edd could see how he was trying to be sincere and honest. 

Edd gnawed on his lip, his face a mask of contemplation. All Kevin could do was nervously wait.

“I accept your apology Kevin,” Edd said with a tiny voice. “But I owe you an apology as well.” Edd breathed in and gulped, collecting his thoughts, “It’s been obvious to me that you’ve changed. You’ve never said anything mean or even remotely belittling to me since we’ve started high school, you’re even in all my AP classes! And yet, I still avoided talking to you because of what you’ve done in the past, allowing that one image of you to be the only one I accepted. For that, I’m sorry… I should have given you a second chance long ago.”

A rush of relieved emotions washed through Kevin, and all he could do was stare slightly slack-jawed at Edd. That was the first time he’d ever tried opening up to someone like that, really saying how he felt, and in return he received acknowledgement for all the hard work he’s done trying to become a better person. It was simple, Edd couldn’t have known how important his words would be, but it felt wonderful merely being noticed. He wasn’t able to express his gratitude in words, so before he knew what he was doing Kevin swooped down and wrapped Edd in a big cozy hug.

At first Edd recoiled from the unexpected contact, causing Kevin to panic, but he eventually relaxed into Kevin’s arms, returning the hug. Edd’s body was warm and fit almost perfectly against his own, the subtle scent of chlorine mixed with lilac shampoo caressed his nose as Kevin allowed his chin to rest on the top of Edd’s head. He heard Edd sigh contentedly against his chest, his warm breath permeating the fabric of his shirt. Kevin wanted to stay in that position forever, but he knew he’d have to end their hug before he took things too far. It definitely wasn’t the right time for _that_.

“…Sorry ‘bout that,” he said after reluctantly pulling away. He could feel the heat radiate from his cheeks.

“Don’t be!” Edd smiled, his face a beautiful pink. “It was nice.”

Kevin grinned, “Yeah.”

“I’m glad we cleared the proverbial air,” Edd giggled absent-mindedly.

Kevin nodded and smiled, one weird tension between them gone as they walked in a shroud of pleasant silence towards the parking lot.

 

-o-

 

Once they reached the school parking lot, which was now almost empty, it was easy to spot Kevin’s big brooding motorcycle. He had really spent a lot of time restoring it to pristine condition, compared to how he found it as a beat-up junkyard wreck, it was a whole new bike. Kevin admired the long sweeping lines of the frame which he had hand bent back into shape, and was happy to see Edd doing the same.

“This really is a magnificent machine!” He exclaimed, fingers dancing over the seat and saddlebags. 

“Took a lot of sweat and tears to get what you see now.”

“Well worth it, seeing the result,” Edd said, eyes scouring the bike before glancing expectantly up at Kevin.

Kevin quirked his brow. “So, still wanna ride?”

“Most definitely!” Edd nodded exuberantly.

Kevin opened the saddlebag on the nearest side of the rear skirt, dropping his worn backpack into the cavity. He gestured for Edd to do the same.

“Alright, put your stuff in there and take out the helmet and put it on. Then climb on and hold onto me, _tight._ ”

Edd did as he was told and soon he was sliding up behind Kevin, wrapping his arms around his abdomen.

“What about your helmet?”

Kevin looked over his shoulder, only able to see a glimmer of Edd’s worried eyes through the helmet visor. 

“Don’t worry, it’s only like a 10 minute ride max. I didn’t exactly plan on this happening so Nazz still has my spare, next time I’ll be sure to grab it.”

“Next ti—?”

Before Edd could finish his question, Kevin cut him off by revving his motorcycle. He flipped the kickstand up with his foot and started maneuvering out of his parking spot. Edd’s arms reflexively tightened as Kevin began picking up speed, steering out of the mostly empty lot. Once they were out on Peach Tree Avenue he revved the engine again and took off down the road, the chilly wind tugging his short red hair back.

The sun was beginning to set, casting the town in long bluish-violet shadows. The imitation cast-iron street lamps in the manicured center median started to flick on one by one, ruining the light orange twilight sky. There were few cars driving around, mostly business people returning to their tidy faux-tudor houses lining the road in their mildly expensive sedans and SUVs. For a glorified upper middle class suburb, Peach Creek always looked oddly idyllic when it was mostly deserted.

Kevin eased into a nice cruising speed, and was happy to feel Edd’s tight grip lessen as he got more comfortable. He wanted to make the experience enjoyable, because he really was planning on a ‘next time,’ hopefully every day they had practice. As they neared the turn to their street, Kevin even thought he heard Edd laugh behind him, which had to be a good sign. Kevin had to stop himself from grinning, only because he didn’t want bugs in his teeth. Edd’s arms felt wonderful wrapped around his torso—comfortable and natural. For the first time in awhile things felt right, like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. This was how things were supposed to be.

He began to slow down, taking the slip lane gracefully, and rolled to a stop in front of Edd’s house; the first driveway on the left.

“That was exhilarating!” Edd exclaimed, easing off the bike—and his helmet.

“Quite an experience, right?” Kevin smirked, resting his elbows on the handlebars.

“Oh definitely, the wind, the speed; everything!” Edd was a little wobbly on his feet, which amused Kevin, but seemed to be able to handle himself. He retrieved his plastic bag and returned the helmet to its spot. “I have to take you up on that offer for another ride.”

“Actually, I was thinkin’ that I could take you home after every practice… I have to stay late for football, so no point in letting you walk home all alone. Sound good?”

“Sounds like a marvelous idea,” Edd said, hands anxiously picking at his bag of books. He looked up and met Kevin’s eyes, his extremely kissable lips forming a small smile, “Kevin, I’d like to thank you again for today… I’m thrilled that we cleared up everything between us. I’m looking forward to getting to know you better.”

“Yeah, me too.”

He smiled at Edd, eyes still on his lips. He could just do it, lean forward and catch Edd’s mouth with his own, expressing everything he wanted to say with one gesture. Edd’s mouth parted to allow his tongue to dart out, wetting his lips as it went. Kevin glanced up to see Edd’s blue eyes focusing on his own mouth, his pale cream skin tinted by the red setting sun. Kevin’s heart beat faster in his chest, this was really going to happen. He started to lean in, excitement thrumming through his veins.

He swore Edd began to lean in too, but the perfect moment was shattered by a shrill text notification.

“Sorry! That must be Marie making sure I’m walking home safely.”

Edd took out his phone and sighed, sheepishly looking up at Kevin.

“I-it’s alright,” Kevin rubbed the back of his neck, disappointed. 

“This reminded me of something actually,” Edd held out his phone to Kevin. “I’d like your number so we can schedule a time for me to transcribe your notes, I need them before our next quiz.”

“No problem,” Kevin fished out his phone and handed it to Edd. He smiled as he created a new contact on Edd’s phone, putting a flame emoji after his name so it would stand out. He also hoped it’d seem cute. “Here you go, all done.”

“Thank you—me too,” Edd smiled again, all honey and sugar, before handing Kevin’s phone back to him. They stayed there for a long second, looking at each other before Edd cleared his throat. “Well, with that I have to wish you goodnight! See you tomorrow, Kevin.”

“See you ‘round.”

Kevin watched as Edd turned around and walked up the path to his front door, lamenting their lost kiss. At least the interruption had led to them exchanging numbers, but they’d been _so_ close to kissing! Now he knew it would happen though, that moment wouldn’t be the last if Kevin had anything to do with it, he had to feel those lips against his own.

He sighed once Edd had shut the door behind him, kicked off from the curb and turned to park his motorcycle across the street in his driveway. Even though his father’s car was nowhere to be seen, the sense of dread that always accompanied Kevin arriving home rose in his throat like acidic bile.

He hated going home.

 

-o-

 

“Dad, I’m home!” Kevin shouted from the doorway, listening intently.

He knew his father wasn’t inside, but it was never a bad idea to check. When no response came, the house eerily silent as usual, Kevin let his tense shoulders soften and relax.

He shut the door behind him and locked the deadbolt. Stepping over to the side table along the foyer wall, he dropped his keys into a small ceramic bowl he recalled making in kindergarten. Various other sentimental objects littered the tabletop, old photos that were faded from light exposure, and even a beat-up softball he and his father used to throw around in the backyard. Kevin grimaced at the clutter, it wasn’t like his father cared about any of that crap, he wondered why it was all still there after so many years.

Kevin turned and went upstairs to his room, the only place in the house where he felt truly comfortable. It was neat and tidy, the way Kevin liked it, but not obsessively clean. It was a hodgepodge of tools, books, and sports memorabilia, but everything had a place and the floor was clear of clothes. The last vestiges of daylight filtered in through the window overlooking the front yard, making his usually bright room a bit gloomy. He flicked on the lights.

He kicked off his shoes and threw his backpack unceremoniously onto his bed. Kevin went to his closet and changed into his comfy house clothes, preparing to do his evening chores. He had to stick to a schedule if he wanted to continue doing well in class. Kevin knew he wasn’t exactly the best student, but he was determined to get accepted to college even if he didn’t get a sports scholarship.

He went downstairs and headed to the kitchen to prepare dinner, having to push the collection of empty bottles from last night into the recycling bin before he could use the counter. It was up to him to keep the house clean, his father was basically never home (a fact which Kevin had come to relish) and didn’t lift a finger when he did finally arrive. Kevin wondered if his dad thought the house just cleaned itself or something, because even though the furniture and fixtures were quite expensive he never treated them with any respect.

After the counter was wiped down, sticky spilled alcohol scrubbed off, Kevin opened the fridge and pulled out the plain noodles he made at the beginning of the week. Placing a big sauce pan on the gas range, he portioned out the noodles and went to grab a jar of red sauce from the pantry. He grabbed some spices and herbs too, crushing the garlic and chopping some parsley when he got back to the counter. Pouring the simple ingredients into the pan, he turned on the stove and stirred the pasta until it started to simmer. He then added some salt and black pepper, along with a pinch of cayenne pepper flakes—finishing it off with some cheese and olive oil.

It didn’t take long for everything to be done, he’d been cooking for years now and making pasta was quite routine. Kevin took out a bowl from the cupboard, filled it with steaming tomatoey pasta, and covered the pan. His dad at least knew how to reheat things, so Kevin always left enough food for him if he wanted it later. The stove off, napkin and fork in one hand, hot bowl of pasta in the other; Kevin started to head back to his room. As he passed the refrigerator, Kevin remembered to get an icepack from the freezer, his knuckles had been bothering him while he was cooking. Now he was ready to get some work done.

Upstairs at his desk, Kevin ate his pasta and skimmed over the chapters he missed that day because he had been distracted by Edd. He tried not to think about all the other shit he had to deal with at school, but the icepack on his right hand was hard to ignore. Kevin grinned, at least Micheal got what was coming to him—but he still didn’t know how his team had taken it. 

Though he had let his anger get the best of him, which had terrified him in the aftermath, he didn’t feel ashamed anymore. Coach was right, he had been forced into a situation and he had handled it to the best of his ability, he just had to try not to snap again. Maybe being open about himself, truly owning who he was, would stop the anger from building up like it had. 

He really hoped the guys on the team hadn’t judged him too harshly for the sudden violence, or for crying; most of them hadn’t known him back when he was a bully in middle school, so his actions probably seemed out of character. Sure he tried to portray himself as a tough but fair leader, but the majority of his teammates had never seen him truly angry before; not in the way Micheal made him. In those moments he was scared of himself, he couldn’t imagine what other people thought.

Kevin sighed and kept reading the textbooks laid out in front of him, filling in his notes with the stuff he missed. He kept the books open when he was done writing so he could look them over as he started his homework. Luckily they were only at the start of the second or third chapters in most of the books he’d been assigned, so the homework load was a bit lighter than it could be. After he finalized his chemistry lab, as well as beginning some paragraph responses for English, Kevin noticed his phone light up next to his computer where it was charging.

 

**The Green Menace:**

_hey dude_

_u there???_

_u didn’t come back to practice so i wanna make sure ur ok_

 

It was Nat, sending him a string of messages like usual. Nat was worried about him apparently, which made sense seeing as he hadn’t talked to him since before the fight; Nat hasn’t heard his side of the story. 

Kevin decided he needed a break anyway, so he entered his password and responded.

 

**Kevmeister:**

_It’s all good, didn’t get in trouble or anything lol_

**The Green Menace:**

_good!!!_

_that cumstain deserved it anyway lol_

_u were pretty badass tbh_

**Kevmeister:**

_I dunno, he made me snap_

_I thought it was pretty embarrassing_

**The Green Menace:**

_nooo man not at all!_

_all the guys were on ur side too_

_M was obviously outta line, like who asks for a fight??? pathetic lil losers thats who! :P_

_also just so you kno, sum of the guys r catching onto the gay thing_

 

That’s what Kevin was worried about, his reaction to Micheal’s accusation practically shouted the truth to anyone who was actually paying attention. He had partially avoided texting Nat earlier because he didn’t want to learn of his team’s reaction, but he definitely needed to find out before he saw them in the halls tomorrow.

 

**Kevmeister:**

_I kinda figured_

_How many are we talkin bout here?_

_And what do they think?_

**The Green Menace:**

_uhhhhh_

_the whole team lol_

_it didn’t seem like they cared, but u don’t really get to talk much in a pile of big sweaty men ;)_

_it doesn’t matter anyway dude, if any of them give u a problem just knock em out like M_

**Kevmeister:**

_Shut up lol_

_I don’t want to have to fight anyone, today was a one time thing_

**The Green Menace:**

_coulda fooled me big guy_

_but seriously, don’t give a crap about what they think, they barely even kno u_

_care about what ur friends think, u can always trust me and blondie_

**Kevmeister:**

_Thanks man, I know I can count on you and Nazz_

 

Kevin put his phone down, thinking that their conversation was over. He turned back to his homework. All he had to do was a few more responses and he’d be done for the night. He was staring at the blank notebook page in front of him, wracking his mind for some sort of unique insight or perspective to write about, when his phone lit up again. Irritated, Kevin picked it up and glared at what Nat had sent him.

 

**The Green Menace:**

_soooooooo_

_u gonna tell me what went on between u and ur lil cutie???_

**Kevmeister:**

_What are you talking about_

**The Green Menace:**

_don’t play innocent!!! i saw ur bike in the parking lot when i left, i know what that means ;3_

**Kevmeister:**

_I dunno what you're talking about_

**The Green Menace:**

_hmmm, riiiight_

_lets see what nazz has to say about this_

**Kevmeister:**

_Nat I SWEAR to god you better NOT be starting a group chat_

**Nazzinator:**

_What I miss??_

_You already told him about the team knowing he’s gay?_

**The Green Menace:**

_ya ya, now he’s trying to deny ditching practice to stalk his crush_

**Nazzinator:**

_Nat are you trying to use me as backup? I told you before that I’m not going to blindside Kevin again, he’s too sensitive!!_

**Kevmeister:**

_Omg, first off, I’m not sensitive but thanks for taking my side_

_Secondly, how’d you know about the team thing, I guess that means you know about the fight too_

_And thirdly, Nat fuckin SHUT UP!_

**Nazzinator:**

_Dude, own your sensitivity, because you obviously are <3_

_And I’m on the cheer squad? Y’know, where like two-thirds of the members have boyfriends on the football team? I don’t know why you're so surprised lol_

**The Green Menace:**

_we get it blondie, ur a real social butterfly, now can we get back to kev possibly smackin all up on sum pink delicious swimmer lips?_

**Nazzinator:**

_You were the first one to tell me Nat!! :/_

_But yeah, I want to know if Kev has made his move. Edd’s crush is totally you dude, I’m trying to get Marie to confirm but she won’t tell me any specifics!_

_All she says is that he likes some asshole_

**The Green Menace:**

_so thats obviously kevin, right?_

_tell us what went down!!_

**Kevmeister:**

_ALRIGHT! You fuckin harpies UGHH_

_We almost kissed, okay? I drove him home on my bike and it was magical!_

_HAPPY NOW?_

**The Green Menace:**

_i’m picturing it now… his hands all over ur rock hard abs… ur blush, his giggles… the wind tugging at both of ur clothes… ahhhh!!!_

_told u he’d say yes!_

**Nazzinator:**

_Both of you are so dramatic lmao_

_So… boyfriends??_

**Kevmeister:**

_I hope you know that you’re the literal worst Nat_

_I haven’t asked him anything yet_

_We’re just friends, but I’m like 90% sure he’s into me_

**Nazzinator:**

_90%? So what’s holding you back?_

_Don’t tell me you’re too nervous!!_

**The Green Menace:**

_u almost kissed but u didn’t ask him yet??? dude…_

_90% is the best ur gonna get_

_listen to ur friends, ASK HIM OUT!!!_

**Kevmeister:**

_Lemme take my time! I don’t want to rush him into anything_

_We barely even know each other anymore, I can’t just tell him outta the blue that I’ve had a crush on him for years. He’ll think I’m insane!_

**Nazzinator:**

_He likes you, so who cares about that other junk?_

_Just get it over with lol_

**Kevmeister:**

_Sorry guys, gtg_

_My dad just got home…_

_Ttyl!_

 

Kevin turned off his phone and set it back on his desk, both relieved and disappointed that he had to abruptly cut off the conversation with his friends. He sat still, listening to make sure his suspicions were correct. Kevin kept his bedroom door open when he was alone in the house so he could hear when his dad arrived, and now he was certain that he could hear the telltale sign of his father’s arrival; the garage door opening. 

That sound was the end of Kevin’s freedom for the night, it always made him cringe. It wasn’t like his father explicitly forced him to do things against his will, it was just that Kevin had to be another person around his dad, even more extreme then at school. He couldn’t allow anything his father deemed to be ‘weak’ or ‘fruity’ to slip through, he always had to act the way his father expected. Kevin supposed that in a sense he _was_ being forced to do something against his will, because if he didn’t meet his dad’s expectations for what a man _should_ be, he’d probably be beaten or kicked out. So he never failed to meet those expectations, for he never wanted to discover how his father would react. 

All he had to do was wait a little under a year, when he’d move into a dorm and start his first semester at college. Only then would he truly be out from under his father’s scrutiny. Until that time he could only be more himself around his friends, and apparently now at school, since his team now suspected his sexuality. Kevin found that he was hesitantly indifferent to what his team thought, as long as the news never got back to his dad.

The garage door slowly closed with a soft hum, and Kevin began to settle into his expected role. He heard the door to the garage in the foyer slam open, followed by obvious stumbling in the living room. Kevin knew his father would be drunk. The only reason he wasn’t home earlier was because every day after work he’d go to a sports bar overlooking the Peach Creek Promenade and drink until he could barely drive.

“Kevin?!” He heard his dad yell from the bottom of the stairs, “Get your ass down here!”

“ _Alright!_ ” Kevin shouted back.

He sighed and stood up from his chair, walking out of his room to pause at the top of the stairs. Kevin pushed his hands deep into the pockets of his flannel pajama bottoms and settled his shoulders. He took a breath and sauntered down the stairs, ready as he’ll ever be to face his father.

When Kevin got to the foyer, he immediately noticed that the coatrack by the door to the garage was knocked over, and his dad’s briefcase was laying discarded in the middle of the floor. He had to stop a grimace from appearing on his face as he turned to go through the archway leading to the living room, where his father was undoubtedly sitting on the couch. This was all part of the same odd routine, where his dad would sit there and ask about Kevin’s day, obviously disinterested and typically too drunk to care.

“Sit, boy,” his father pointed to the plushy armchair opposite his position on the couch. There was something a bit off about his voice though, he was obviously drunker than usual but that wasn’t it.

He sat across from his father, who was leaning listlessly against the arm of the couch, his suit a disheveled mess. His dad’s eyes were closed and he didn’t say anything. There was a tension in the air that made Kevin nervous.

“What’s up dad?”

“I got a call from your coach today…” his father slurred, an odd venom to his voice.

Kevin felt the panic rise in his chest, he told Coach not to tell! He fidgeted uncomfortably in the armchair, taken aback and utterly mortified. He breathed in and let out the air slowly. His father still wasn’t looking at him, so did he really know? This wasn’t the reaction he suspected, being ignored like this. Something wasn’t right, he couldn’t help but feel like the whole situation was off for some other reason.

He nervously licked his lips. “What’d she say?”

His dad’s eyes flitted open, causing Kevin to jump a little. “That you got into a fight, that you have to be careful with yer hand.”

Kevin let the tension in his body lessen, immensely relieved. Coach hadn’t ratted him out. He couldn’t completely relax though, because his father’s frighteningly green eyes were staring at him.

“You can’t go around doing shit like that Kevin, you don’t want to injure your arm and ruin your chances at going pro,” his eyes narrowed as he studied Kevin’s body, “You don’t look like crap though, so I guess you won?”

“Yeah, he was out in one punch.”

“That’s my boy!” His dad yelled drunkenly, a toothy grin adorning his face. “Glad you didn’t break yer hand!”

“My knuckles hurt like a bitch though,” Kevin smiled meekly.

“Hit em’ in the face, huh? That’s hell on your fists, lemme show you where to strike next time…” His father tried to stand up straight but ended up careening over, almost knocking over the lamp by the couch. Luckily Kevin jumped up and grabbed him in time, or else he’d have to clean up smashed porcelain. His father mumbled over and over, warm acidic breath assaulting Kevin’s nose, “…Here, lemme show ya…”

Kevin’s dad was a big man, heavier and taller than him. It was difficult holding him up, he was basically carrying all of his weight. His father’s stale scent; barely disguised musk mixed with alcohol, was repulsive and made the task even worse.

“I should really go upstairs and finish my homework dad.”

His father suddenly pushed himself away violently, stumbling back into a wall, jarring a framed family photo. “Not gonna let yer old man show you how to fight? Figures you’d be a pansy…”

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?!” Kevin was beginning to loose his temper, which he knew to be stupid because his dad wouldn’t remember any of this. He should just ignore his outbursts like usual.

“It means—“ His father hiccuped. “—That I know it was _you_.”

“Wha—?”

“ _I know it was you, Kevin!_ ” His dad yelled and lunged, trying to grab Kevin by the collar of his loose t-shirt, grabbing a bunch of fabric around his shoulder instead.

Kevin turned and ran, letting his shirt rip if that meant getting away from his father. His father was still yelling and attempting to stumble after him, but Kevin was too quick. He hurdled up the stairs and slammed his door shut, locking it behind him. He leaned against the door and breathed, hoping the thrum of his rapidly beating heart would settle.

“ _Kevin!_ ” His dad hit the door, the hinges creaking, “Open this _damn_ door!”

Kevin jumped back from the door, the wood shaking with each impact from his father’s knuckles. He shrunk away, backing up onto his bed in the corner, the sickening sound of flesh hitting wood filling the room. He hugged his legs, desperately hoping that the door would hold. He didn’t know why his father was so angry all of the sudden, maybe it had something to do with the weird vibe Kevin had picked up earlier, or it could just be a drunken tirade—but that didn’t matter because his father’s fists would hurt either way. 

His father had never actually gone this far before though, usually he just yelled and made a threat to get a point across. There were unpredictable mood swings and ‘playful’ banter that was just disguised harassment, but he could handle that. Kevin wasn’t used to actually being physically threatened, sure he worried that it could happen, but it never had; until now. It was terrifying, Kevin didn’t even know if he had it in him to defend himself against his dad, to actually hit someone who raised him—even if he was justified doing so. 

“Open the door Kevin…” His dad’s voice shakily wavered from the other side of the door, the insistent pounding getting lighter and lighter. “ _Please_ …”

“N-never!” Kevin shouted, “Go _away_ , leave me alone!”

The violent knocking ceased, but Kevin could see the door move a little as his father slumped down to the hall floor. He could hear his father’s sobs, which was something he’d never heard before; not once in his entire life. A shutter ran through his body and he hugged his knees tighter. He could feel his own cheeks get wet as he began to cry. His tears rolled over his cheeks and fell to his chest. He shivered, realizing that his shirt was torn from the shoulder down the side, exposing his front to his falling tears. He just wanted this to stop.

“…I knew it was you when I saw it, I _knew_ it was you…”

He could barely hear his father’s muffled words, but it was enough. He realized what this was all about; the magazine from the night before. That stupid, overpriced piece of glossy pornography he bought on a whim. That’s what caused all of this, a fucking _whim_. 

Kevin let out a jittery sob and rolled over, scrunching his eyes shut, wishing everything would just go back to what it was like before. He wished his mother were there to hold him like she used to, whispering soothing encouragements in his ear. He tried to hum the song that she’d always sing, but couldn’t because his throat was too tight, so he just tried to remember what it sounded like; but that didn’t work either, his head throbbing from all the endless crying.

So he lay there in silence, breathing in and out, trying to calm himself. 

He was okay, everything was going to be _okay_. Kevin kept repeating those words to himself, hoping they’d come true. His father might not even remember anything from that evening, like so many other nights in the past. Kevin _had_ to believe that to be true, he didn’t want to think of the other possibility. Now he knew for sure that his dad suspected the truth, that he had from the moment he opened the trash can, but his father _won’t_ recall this ordeal, this horrible confrontation. Kevin hoped that tomorrow he could pretend that nothing happened and just go back to living normally, hiding behind his array of masks.

But he knew that he couldn’t, that things have changed now. That night had revealed his father’s reaction to the truth; violence. Kevin knew for certain what would eventually happen, if his dad was in fact blackout drunk and had to re-comprehend what he already suspected to be true. Tonight was just a taste of what was to come, the precursor to a confrontation that Kevin never wanted to happen. He couldn’t let it play out like that though, ending in a brutal fight between him and his father. He had to change it somehow, but what could he do?

Kevin rolled over and opened his eyes. He didn’t know how to get out of the inevitable. The lack of control felt horrifying, but he couldn’t give up, he had to try. He wiped away his tears and looked around his room, the familiar posters and trophies felt safe, like home. Kevin’s eyes hesitated before looking at the locked door, wary of what could be behind it. A continuous seam of light outlined the door, the bright light in the hall contrasting against the dark wood. The fact that he could see that uninterrupted light was more soothing than he could describe; it meant that his father wasn’t standing out there, waiting. 

Kevin let out a breath that he didn’t know he was holding, relaxing as he cradled his face in his hands. He still didn’t know what to do, he couldn’t think of anything. He felt exhausted, his head throbbing, thoughts almost an incoherent sandbox that he didn’t have the energy to sift through. 

Rest, that’s what he needed. He had to attempt to sleep, hopefully everything would be clearer in the morning. 

Kevin got up and stripped off his tattered shirt, throwing it into the laundry basket in his closet. Next he eased over to the light switch by the door, his eyes never moving from the pooling seam of light; the reassuring reminder that he was alone. When he turned off the light he fled back to the safety of his bed, pulling the blankets over his body. When he settled, Kevin reached out to his desk next to the bed, grabbing his phone to set an alarm for the morning.

When he turned it on, his phone vibrated as new messages popped onto the screen. Two were from Nazz and Nat, but those didn’t register in his brain. He could only stare at the last message, sent only ten minutes earlier.

 

**Eddward Vincent:**

_Goodnight Kevin, I hope you had an enjoyable evening! Could Marie and I sit at your table again tomorrow? I don’t want to be a burden so I understand if you refuse, but know that today I had a lovely time with you and your friends. Sleep well and see you tomorrow!_

 

There was a little wave emoji after his name, which made Kevin crack a small smile. He shifted around on his bed so he could look out the window. The cul-de-sac was dark except for the occasional streetlight, no movement at all besides the gentle rustle of trees. Across from his house was Edd’s, which was almost identical to his own except for the paint job and minor decorative details. Only one light was on, which had to be Edd’s room.

Edd was over there, thinking about him. 

Kevin had the urge to call him and tell him what had happened, to ask to go over to his house and sleep; to be safe and without fear. It was a stupid, silly thought; but it came from desire, not logic. He wanted to see Edd, to be himself whenever he could; to not care about what others thought.

In that moment Kevin knew he couldn’t survive compartmentalizing himself for much longer. To solve his problems he believed that he had only one option in front of him—he couldn’t hide himself anymore.

 

 


	3. A Shift In Reality

Edd closed his front door, turning the various deadbolts and securing the multiple chain locks with anxious hands. Once every lock was in place he slipped off his shoes, walked up the stairs, and entered his room in a mystified daze. Depositing his plastic bag filled with supplies next to his desk, he sat down in his favorite plushy reading chair by the window, the setting sun barely visible over the roofs of the neighboring houses.

Kevin’s motorcycle groaned to life on the street below, he must be turning it around to head home. 

Once the noise faded Edd leaned over the side of his comfortable armchair, craning his neck to look out the window. Across the street Kevin stood tense on the stoop before his open front door, facing away from Edd so only the shock of his red hair was visible, along with the rest of his well proportioned backside. Kevin stayed there for a moment, before suddenly his tightly wound shoulders appeared to slump and relax. Edd watched as Kevin hesitantly took a step over the threshold, swiftly closing the door behind him. Edd continued to stare at the closed door before he twisted away from the window and sighed, further sinking into his chair.

He couldn’t believe he had almost allowed himself to kiss _the_ Kevin Barr. Edd flushed just thinking about it. Kevin was so intoxicating, Edd always found himself stuttering and loosing his impulse control whenever he was around that oddly mysterious boy. There weren’t many people who had that affect on him anymore, however it didn’t feel like an annoying weakness around Kevin. Instead he felt horribly giddy and excited when he was talking to his long-time crush, it would take awhile to get used to the effects of those emotions. He had the time to adjust though, because they were at the start of a friendship, which was something Edd had never expected to happen.

Edd ultimately hoped for something more. He had already planned on confessing his feelings to Kevin at some point during the year, if only to get over his ‘slight’ infatuation. But now he was too invested in what could happen to just mindlessly throw away their budding friendship, even if he had to endure the annoying perfection of Kevin’s face. His crooked grin, the artful spattering of freckles across his cheeks, the way his reddish-blond eyelashes fanned out when he blinked or closed his eyes; all were some of the most beautiful things he’s ever witnessed—Edd knew he had fallen hard. 

Having a little crush was one thing, but he hadn’t quite comprehended its true magnitude until he actually found himself in Kevin’s presence. No wonder he had been caught up in the moment, staring at Kevin’s full lips as he so effortlessly smiled down at him from atop his motorcycle. It could’ve been his imagination, but Edd thought Kevin had started to lean in too, the implications of that possibility still bouncing around in his mind.

Edd’s rumination was interrupted by a vibration in his pocket, the text alert that ruined his possible kiss sounding again, almost mocking him. He grimaced and pulled out his phone, glaring at the screen. It was enough that Marie didn’t like Kevin, but now her actions had inadvertently gotten in the way of the kiss he’s been waiting so long to receive! 

He unlocked his phone with a quick scan of his thumbprint and scrolled through Marie’s string of texts, eying them cooly.

  

**Marie Kanker:**

_Having a nice walk?_

_Are you okay?_

_Did those dicks from this morning corner you or something?_

_Omg, you’re dead aren’t you?_

_Okay, I’m getting in Lee’s truck to search for your body_

_Whoever finds this phone please call me, I’m Eddward Vincent’s emergency contact_

  

Edd huffed out a startled chuckle. He could never stay annoyed at Marie for long, especially seeing that this time she was only worried for his safety. After all, he’s the one who asked her to send those texts in the first place, just incase something _did_ happen to him when he walked home alone. For the last two years she had never missed a day, Edd always receiving her messages roughly 30 minutes after practice, halfway through his journey home. He was grateful that she humored him like this, it showed him that she took their friendship seriously.

 

**Eddward Vincent:**

_No, thankfully I’m not dead, so you can call off the search party! I just arrived home safely, sorry for worrying you._

**Marie Kanker:**

_You’re lucky this time buster, I couldn’t find the keys to Lee’s truck so I never managed to search any drainage ditches for your mangled corpse_

_Already home? What are you, a speed walker?_

  

Curse his honesty! He probably should have pretended to still be walking home, but that thought hadn't occurred to him until it was too late. He couldn’t tell Marie about the ride on Kevin’s motorcycle though, could he? Despite that his own mistrust of Kevin had slowly faded over the years, to the point where it was barely even there anymore, Marie was still highly wary of the football star. Edd had come to realize that she was very protective of him, most likely to make up for the times when she was his primary source of torment, and honestly she had been much crueler than Kevin had ever been. That didn’t matter apparently, for she had possessed an intriguing amount of animus towards Kevin and the other cul-de-sac kids ever since their conversation on the swings so many summers ago. 

Edd silently chastised himself for even thinking of hiding something from Marie, for she was his best and only friend—until very recently the only person who was ever there for him. So he was actually glad that he had accidentally backed himself into a corner, forcing himself to review the situation. The last thing he wanted was to jeopardize their friendship with lies and half-truths, even though her reaction would most likely be negative, he decided that he had to tell her the truth.

 

**Eddward Vincent:**

_Kevin gave me a ride home on his motorcycle, needless to say we went very fast, so I’m ahead of schedule. He also offered to take me home every day we have practice, and I accepted. No more walking home alone for me!_

**Marie Kanker:**

_That’s nice and all, and I know you have a big boner for that asshole, but don’t trust him too easily_  

_There’s something dark hiding there under that thick skull of his, don’t tell me you can’t feel it_

**Eddward Vincent:**

_I’ll admit that I have picked up on something ‘dark’, as you so eloquently stated, but I’m pretty sure that’s just him being nervous. Though it may sound surprising, I think he might reciprocate my feelings, and I’d appreciate it of you would stop being so downright rude to him._  

**Marie Kanker:**

_Surprising? It was completely obvious when he wanted to know why you were late to class, he was so nervous it was totally priceless! Who knew he could blush so hard?_

_Something still isn’t right though. And it goes deeper than just being flustered by your schoolboy good looks_  

_Plus, he’s a football player, you know how they can be_

**Eddward Vincent:**

_Actually, no, I don’t know how they can be. Please stop generalizing people!_

_Today was the first time in a long time that I’ve been bothered by anyone on the football team, and it was Kevin who came and helped me! I’m starting to think you might have something against him other than this ‘dark feeling’ you’re going on about._

_Do you seriously think he could like me? I admit it does seem unlikely._

**Marie Kanker:**

_He definitely does. And if I had any doubts before, they’re gone now that Nazz is asking me who you’re crushing on. Who else would she be asking for but him?_

_I just don’t want you to get hurt, he’s obviously hiding something, there’s a fakeness about him that makes my skin crawl_

_What if that whole thing this morning was all just a part of some plan to get you to like him or something?_

_I mean, you already do for some reason, but he doesn’t know that. That’s just how football players are, all manipulative and greedy, only caring about themselves_

_There has to be some ulterior motive, I don’t know how you can’t see it_

**Eddward Vincent:**

_I appreciate you worrying about me, but please stop this! How could you accuse someone of doing something so sadistic? For years Kevin has only been kind to me, and now that I’ve actually begun to talk to him and be around him, it’s evident that he’s even more different than I ever imagined. He even apologized for his past bullying! He’s Nazz’s best friend for heaven’s sake, don’t you trust her judgement? And now you tell me that he obviously likes me, how am I supposed to react to that along with everything else? There has to be some other reason for whatever it is that makes you so suspicious._

  

This continuous argument between him and Marie about Kevin was getting tiresome, they’ve gone over basically the same thing every time Marie noticed him glancing at his crush. Sure, for the longest time he was angry at himself for being so enamored with his bully, but as high school progressed Kevin had never once said anything hurtful or demeaning to him like he used to—if anything it appeared like he was going out of his way to be cordial and friendly. Still, it had taken Edd awhile to feel comfortable with his feelings, and to accept that Kevin no longer was the bully of his childhood. But even as he eased into their new reality, there were still those sneaking suspicions in the back of his mind that nothing had really changed. 

Those worried thoughts as well as Kevin’s apparent sexual leanings and popularity meant that he never even attempted to initiate a conversation, to discover the truth once and for all. But as those thoughts began to fade along with the painful memories, Edd had stupidly allowed himself to hope. Kevin never once had a girlfriend despite being arguably the most attractive guy at school; there was a time when Edd thought that him and Nazz were an item, but the silliness of that hypothesis had been revealed over summer break. The fact that Nazz was with Marie and still remained Kevin’s best friend showed Edd that at least Kevin wasn’t homophobic, and ultimately led to him secretly wishing for a possible relationship. And now that he had talked to Kevin and been around him for the longest time since they were children, those worried thoughts had begun to feel like they were going to disappear for good; Kevin was definitely different.

But there was some truth to what Marie had said too, there was something dark hidden there behind those hazel-green eyes. It was obvious when Kevin was silent, listening to what was going on, attempting to feign disinterest as he hung on to every uttered word. He was hiding something, but unlike Marie, Edd didn’t believe that whatever he kept hidden was necessarily menacing or purposely harmful. To Edd Kevin just looked frightened or worried, but nobody else appeared to notice this; possibly they were too caught up with his charming bravado and athletic achievements to care. Even when Kevin was his bully, Edd had always cared—it was hard not to when there was a subtle sadness and anger behind every biting word. He found himself caring even more now though, especially since Marie made Kevin’s alleged attraction sound self-evident and plain to see. Edd wanted to know what Kevin was hiding—why there was that undeniable pain imbedded deep in his kind eyes.

 

**Marie Kanker:**

_Okay there MIGHT be an innocent reason behind his glaring fakeness_

_But don’t trust him so easily, you don’t really know him or his motivations, even if it looks like he’s changed. Blind trust has gotten you into trouble before, don’t let him take advantage of you_

_And even if you don’t listen to my amazing advice, still let me know if he ends up being even more of an ass than I thought, you know I can take care of him_

**Eddward Vincent:**

_Glad I can gain your approval._

_Have I ever let anyone take advantage of me while we’ve been friends? I mean allowing someone to boss me around and really toy with my emotions like Eddy once did. You know I’m never letting something like that happen ever again._

_Trust that I can take care of myself Marie, at least in the emotional and moral sense. At the first sign of any manipulation I’ll let you know immediately. In the interim, please try to be nicer to Kevin, you’ll be seeing more of him (and Nazz) if he agrees to what I have in mind._

**Marie Kanker:**

_My begrudging approval, you mean_

_I know, I know, but you still always see the good in someone where there really isn’t any left. I wish that wasn’t a bad thing, but there are a lot of pieces of shit out there in the world just waiting to use someone as nice and smart as you_

_I guess I’ll try, but only if he’s on his best behavior too. And I’ll only be around him if Nazz is there, at least he hangs out with one cool person_

_And I assume what you have in mind is spending lunch with him and that other pretentious asswipe_

**Eddward Vincent:**

_You should probably practice being nicer now, while you can. It’ll take awhile to get used to it!_

_And yes, that’s exactly what I had in mind, I haven’t asked him yet though, so I’ll let you know what’s going on later. I think I’ve sat around long enough, I need to start my chores and homework for the night._

_Talk to you later!_

  

Before Marie could respond, Edd shut off his phone and eased out of his reading chair. Now his room was completely dark, only the orange haze from the streetlight in front of his house offering any illumination from his window. He enjoyed relaxing in darkness, all alone in his empty house. This was a place where he was safe, no threat from his life could penetrate these walls. Even in the darkness Edd was at ease, every corner of the house mapped out in his brain by number of steps; he could freely roam without the need to feel around. In truth, he felt more comfortable in his house when it was pitch black, that way if an intruder did manage to break in, he would have the upper hand by knowing the territory. Usually he would have allowed his eyes to adjust and his mind to wander while he sat cozy in his chair, but due to his conversation with Marie he couldn’t waste time dawdling anymore.

He had a routine and he had to stick to it.

First, Edd turned on the various table lamps and floor lights dotted throughout the room. He found overhead lights to be abhorrent in most situations. With the exception of a few precision-based tasks he never used any of the ceiling lights in the house; he had enough experience with harsh fluorescent tones at school, thank you. 

With his room now appropriately lit, Edd then made his way to the plastic bag by his desk. He knew he would dread the sight of all his spare binders and stationary in disarray when he opened the bag, but organization just wasn’t possible when using an amorphous sack as a replacement for his satchel. He laid all his classwork neatly out on his glass-topped desk, placing the backup binders for each class in the designated order outlined by his helpful labels. Once the bag was empty of work, all that was left was the balled soggy husk of his satchel, carefully enclosed in another plastic bag unceremoniously lying at the bottom of the first. 

When he felt his encased satchel, Edd had to keep his hand from recoiling. The plastic bag was disgustingly cold; the bag had kept the moisture from destroying the rest of his school supplies but had also ensured that his toilet-soaked satchel wouldn’t dry out. No wonder it was so cold. As he departed from his room, freezing bag in hand, he couldn’t help but frown. 

Micheal certainly knew how to irritate him. A physical altercation was what Edd had expected, and he could easily handle bruises, but destruction of his hard work—he had never considered that possibility. It was definitely worse than if he had been beaten up, a month of notes had been destroyed and his satchel rendered unusable until he washed it. Edd was sure that the loss of his notes wouldn’t hinder his quest for knowledge too much, but it was undeniably annoying, and the manner of destruction revolting. Hopefully Kevin’s notes would be sufficient, but he knew they wouldn’t be as organized as his own. Still, it was amazingly thoughtful of Kevin to consider such a thing, and that kind act had set the tone for the rest of the school day.

Edd knew his cheeks were flushing, even though it would be impossible to tell as he made his way to the laundry room through the inky dark of his house. Once he opened the door, he turned on the harsh exposed bulb with a yank of the chain, closing his eyes so they could adjust to the searing whiteness. He opened the plastic bag and dropped his satchel into the washing machine, careful not to touch the inside of the bag as he threw it away in the lint trashcan by the dryer. Edd then made mental note of the current time and duration the machine listed for the wash to be completed. He quickly did the mental math, plenty of time to enjoy a brief dinner.

He exited the laundry room and headed across the hall to the kitchen. Expertly avoiding the central island and bar stools, Edd found the switch above the colorful backsplash to the left of the sink. The under-cabinet lighting flickered a little as the LED bulbs warmed up, illuminating the speckled granite countertops with enough light appropriate for preparing a meal. He stood in the now light-filled room, debating what to make as he mindlessly rubbed the chilly countertop with his hand.

The kitchen was large and well stocked, with enough space and food to feed the family of four his home was designed to house. Though Edd rather enjoyed cooking he never had the time to do so on weekdays, he preferred to experiment with flavors and different ingredients on Sundays when he invited Marie over for dinner. Those days were the best, when the house held two voices instead of one, plus it allowed him to make a decent dent in the almost repulsive amount of food his parents kept stashed in the many drawers and cabinets throughout the kitchen. On a typical Wednesday like this however, Edd liked to eat a simple seaweed salad tossed in a sesame vinaigrette with a little low sodium soy sauce for taste; something he could finish well within the time it would take for his satchel to be washed.

Edd opened the new SmartFridge his parents had installed at the end of the previous school year, retrieving his pre-packaged salad and placing it on the counter. As he mixed the salad into one of his favorite glazed bowls, Edd’s eyes kept wandering over to the gleaming appliance. The refrigerator was a sophisticated piece of technology, quite easy to use and helpful in most cases. Using the touchscreen panel on the front, Edd could order food or other household goods to be delivered from a variety of local stores and businesses. He was even able to specify the time of delivery, so he could ensure that he was home to put everything away before it spoiled. It was a nice gift from Mother and Father, they knew how he loathed going shopping, and the saved time was a wonderful benefit. But perhaps what had led his parents to purchasing the undoubtedly expensive appliance was the cycling to-do list they filled with chores, which never ceased its scrolling across the top of the refrigerator’s touchscreen.

Even as he watched the screen from his place seated at the island, he could see the cycling light blue text automatically update as his parents added new items to the list. If he was honest with himself, Edd felt a little peeved that his parents couldn’t just text him what they desired him to do; that they had to find another medium to convey their wishes which helpfully prohibited a response. He supposed it made sense, because they weren’t actually communicating with him, but rather stating tasks that needed to be done around the house. Of course, since he had done all the chores for eight years he already knew every task they could request, and usually Edd had everything already done before it even appeared on the SmartFridge. But he still checked it, just to make sure nothing out of the ordinary was being added to the list.

Nothing odd appeared as the list finished updating, just typical chores which he had completed the night before. Edd was oddly relieved, now able to focus on enjoying his fresh salad. But his mind had other ideas as his thoughts started to drift to the source of his chores: his parents.

He knew he shouldn’t resent his parents for not being there; they had very demanding careers which meant they weren’t home for two weeks at a time, but that knowledge didn’t stop the occasional bout of loneliness he felt. He always felt it right after they left for another trip, they were most likely just now properly adjusted to the new timezone as they settled into their hotel in Toronto for their conference—he recalled that their flight had left Monday evening so his timing shouldn’t be too far off. At least when his parents _were_ home they would always do something special as a family, like going to a museum or enjoying an evening out at a fancy restaurant in the city, but then they’d leave only a few days later. They tried hard, and Edd knew that they loved him—that they were proud of him, but they were barely present in his life. Nothing could make up for not being there, because the only remedy would for them to actually _be_ present, there was no possible substitute. 

The loneliness his parents had accidentally thrust upon him had definitely impacted who he was as a person, but Edd decided that it was for the best, because he knew that if he saw someone else wallowing in a similar type of isolation, he’d be the first to try to connect and help them. He wasn’t sure if that would be the case if his parents had always been around, and if caring for others was the only silver lining to his situation, he’d gladly take it. Regardless of how he felt, loneliness was a part of his life, and it was better to come to terms with it in a healthy way than to sink further away from other people—which was always remarkably tempting. He knew that his empathy had been used by scheming individuals before, taken advantage of in hateful and cruel ways, but now he felt like he could tell when people were being honest and sincere. And even if he judged poorly, Edd knew that he was better than those who would use others for their own momentary benefit, which was a soothing thought.

Edd put down his chopsticks as he finished his salad, looking up at the SmartFridge display to discover how much time had passed. 

He quickly slid off his stool, collecting his utensils and bowl as he moved toward the dishwasher. He must have been lost deep in thought for so much time to pass in an instant, his satchel should already be done! After he glanced around the kitchen to ensure that it was indeed spotless, he switched off the light and went across the hall to the laundry room to start drying his hopefully-clean bag. He didn’t bother taking note of the timing for the dry cycle, he would retrieve his satchel when it was done in the morning before he left for school. 

Pulling the chain to the exposed bulb in the laundry room, Edd was once again surrounded by comforting darkness as he headed back upstairs to his room. He sat at his desk and pulled out the textbooks he needed for his homework, he’ll have to rely off them and the notes he took earlier in the day to do his assignments. The ordering and labeling system the books used were a bit counterintuitive and it took a minute or two for Edd to adjust to the reasoning behind their illogical structure. Though he enjoyed reading textbooks, there was a reason why he took such detailed notes when he was in class. He knew how his brain worked and learned, so he designed his own system to best help the process along; the textbooks on the other hand were _not_ designed specifically for him, so it made sense that it was a bit trickier to understand the material now that he wasn’t using his notes.

When he was nearing the completion of his last assignment, a simple review of the different parts of a cell and their various functions for AP Bio, Edd’s mind drifted to thoughts of Kevin. He still had to ask him if it was okay to eat lunch with him again tomorrow, a task that shouldn’t be too difficult. Still though, the thought of texting Kevin made Edd nervous. What if he was bothering him? He didn’t want to be an annoyance, in fact that was basically the last thing Edd wanted. Even though they were now friends, their relationship was tenuous at best, everything still fresh and new. Edd didn’t know Kevin’s preferred method of communication, he had only ever texted Marie or his parents, and he didn’t want his message to be misinterpreted. Maybe it was best to ask Kevin in person tomorrow.

Heavens, Edd frowned at his anxious thoughts, what was wrong with him? It was only a simple text message asking if they could eat lunch together, not some steamy love letter or confession. It’s not a big deal, and Kevin probably received messages all the time being at the top of the social totem pole, he should just text him now before he lost his courage. 

Edd fished out his phone from his pocket and turned it on, immediately greeted by various notifications and alerts. He searched through his short list of contacts, eyes drawn to a little flame emoji by the newest entry.

He smiled, because he had done something similar to his contact name in Kevin’s phone. It was pretty cute, and the tiny flame definitely represented Kevin well. It was nice to think that the emoji was unique to Kevin’s contact in his phone, but it was probably something Kevin did all the time. Even if that was the case, Edd still felt the stir of butterflies in his stomach as he typed out a message.

  

**Eddward Vincent:**

_Goodnight Kevin, I hope you had an enjoyable evening! Could Marie and I sit at your table again tomorrow? I don’t want to be a burden so I understand if you refuse, but know that today I had a lovely time with you and your friends. Sleep well and see you tomorrow!_

  

Edd sat with his phone balanced in his hand as he waited for a response. When a minute passed and none came he sighed and set his phone down, shifting in his chair to finish his homework. It was easier to distract himself with work than dwell on the possibility that Kevin was ignoring him, a thought which had horribly invaded his mind as he sat there patiently waiting. He knew it was ridiculous, but he couldn’t help it, all the worries that he had battled to be able to even send that message in the first place were now crawling back as he double-checked the cell diagrams he was working on. Only when his phone lit up right as he finished his work did Edd’s nerves finally settle, replaced instead by a overwhelming need to see how Kevin responded.

He was glad nobody was around to witness the embarrassing speed he used to snatch up his phone.

  

**Kevin Barr:**

_Of course you can, you can sit with us whenever you want_

_You’d never be a burden to me_

_Ever_

_I hope you sleep well, goodnight Edd_

 

Edd sat up and walked over to his window, phone in hand. 

_You’d never be a burden to me._ _Ever._ He kept rereading those words, his heart beating a bit faster each time they cycled through his brain. He flushed, Marie was right: Kevin must really _actually_ like him! There was still a chance that he was misunderstanding what Kevin meant, but that didn’t seem likely. Those words were sweet, and filled with emotion seemingly impossible to convey through text, but he could still feel it, the sincerity—the raw feeling, and maybe even a hint of something a little bit sad.

Edd looked out his window at Kevin’s house across the street, essentially a carbon copy of his own, its bright tones muted under the lone dim streetlight. There weren’t any lights on inside, but he swore he saw a curtain shift on the second floor, but that could easily be a trick of the night. All he knew for certain was that Kevin was somewhere in that house, and that he cared about him.

And that they had almost kissed. 

Edd smiled, hugging himself tightly as he slid into his reading chair. In that moment it seemed like he wouldn’t be lonely for much longer. He felt scared and excited for what could happen; all his anxieties and fears felt distant and foreign, almost unreachable behind his distracted thoughts, while the possibilities for the future felt almost infinite.

Kevin Barr liked him back.

 

-o-

 

“At least report this to someone if you won’t let me snoop around and find out who keeps messing with your locker,” Marie crossed her arms and looked at Edd testily as he continued to wipe away the new graffiti which had appeared on his locker overnight.

“And what exactly would that achieve?”

“Absolutely nothing, or maybe some weak investigation that wouldn’t get anywhere,” she responded quickly, like she had her next few lines already planned out. “Which is why you should let me look around and teach this homophobe a lesson in pain.”

Edd giggled, “Do you hear yourself sometimes? What forgettable action movie was that from?”

Marie smiled but quickly regained control as her signature frown contorted her face. She sighed and leaned against the locker next to Edd’s.

“None of your business. But you should really take this more seriously,” she said, pausing momentarily while she blew her bangs out of her face. “Hasn’t this been going on since like, what, around the time school started? A month takes some serious dedication Edd, someone has it out for you.”

“It’s only a bit of writing Marie… It’s not that big of a deal.”

That was a lie, it _was_ a big deal. Someone had been writing slurs on his locker every day since the first week of school, right before school started or right after it ended. Either way the first thing Edd saw in the morning was a different variation of ‘fag’ or some other more unusual term for a gay person written neatly on the vibrant orange backdrop of his locker. He hated it, the sight usually made him a bit melancholic—which wasn’t a good way to start a day of learning. What was worse however, was the fact that someone knew about his sexuality and was trying to use it to make fun of him, which only served to reinforce his desire to wait till college to come out. Luckily he had industrial-strength chemical cleaner and disinfectant wipes, so the vandalism always came clean off before anyone else could see it.

“God, you’re awful at lying to people you care about. And besides, you already told me last week that it was bugging you—and it should!” Marie exclaimed as she pushed off from the locker to join Edd in their standard walk to class. “The fact you tried to play it off also tells me that it’s _really_ irritating you too. You know you don’t have to hide stuff from me Edd.”

“Yes, I know. I apologize,” Edd sighed, looking around the deserted hallway for any other sign of life before continuing, “I’m just not wholly comfortable with discussing these things at school. I assume most people wouldn’t care about my sexuality, and I’m not going to any extreme lengths to hide it, but I don’t want to be picked on or singled out again. Someone could overhear…”

“Well someone already knows, and honestly how can they not with the amount of girls you’ve denied. And whoever’s doing this _is_ picking on you—writing hate speech on someone’s locker totally counts. Don’t deny that it makes you feel like shit either. Face it, you’re being bullied already.’

“That definitely makes me feel better, thanks Marie.”

“Hey, I was offering to help out, but you don’t seem to want that…” Marie trailed off and scrunched up her face in thought as something occurred to her, suddenly turning to Edd and excitedly whispering, “Didn’t you tell me that whatshisname, Matthew, Micheal—yeah Micheal, that he wrote something on your locker yesterday? It’s him! You saw the guy red-handed!”

“No, it couldn’t be him,” Edd confidently stated; at Marie’s cocked eyebrow he hurriedly added, “Of course, it _was_ him yesterday, but his handwriting was much to terrible for him to be responsible for the other more consistent vandalism.”

Marie’s questioning expression darkened into a tight grimace.

“This isn’t good. I bet the original douche monger who keeps doing this bragged about it or something, maybe that’s how a lightweight like Micheal got the idea to pick on you.” 

There was an unexpected pause as Marie’s words sank in. Edd curiously glanced to his side only to see his friend's face slowly open up again, her eyes alight as she smirked to herself. Edd waited for her to say something more, to reveal what had just popped into her mind, but she never did. That wasn't a good sign.

“Marie, please don’t do anything rash!”

“Who said I’d do anything?” Marie teased, doing absolutely nothing to reassure Edd.

Edd crossed his arms and pursed his lips. “You know, you aren’t very good at hiding things either. You can tell me what you’ve planned, I’d rather find out now then have to wait till after your inevitable detention.”

“I’ll tell you—just not now,” Marie grinned. “I need to do some recon first, but I’ll probably be able to tell you at lunch—if you’re willing to skip your date.”

“It’s not a date!” Edd hissed, opening the door to Mrs. Wells’ classroom with a hearty push. “We’re just having lunch. It can’t be a date if you and his friends are there, but that doesn’t mean I’ll miss it without knowing what you're up to first.”

“Well, I guess you’ll just have to wait and ask me after my detention then,” Marie said matter-of-factly as she sat down at her desk.

“You must really think I won’t like what you have planned if you’re so keen on keeping it a secret,” Edd responded cooly as he sat down. “In fact, don’t tell me, I don’t think I want to know!”

Marie rolled her eyes and shrugged, bending down to retrieve her textbook and notes, her lack of response effectively putting an end to their morning conversation. Which was fine by Edd, he had to get ready for class anyway. 

It was irritating that Marie refused to tell him what she was planning, especially after chastising him for not telling the truth. Also because whatever she was contemplating obviously had something to do with _his_ locker, and he’d like to think that his possessions fell under _his_ jurisdiction. He didn’t need her to fight his battles for him, though he would gladly accept her help if she only elaborated on an acceptable plan, but evidently she already deemed her plan inadequate by his standards. That worried him, her last secret plan involved giving the captain of the lacrosse team, Ryan Crosby, a black eye—so by extension this new plan probably also involved violence of some sort.

Edd huffed out an annoyed sigh as he bent down to get out his fresh school supplies from his clean satchel. They were the first to class like usual, him and Marie always started their walk to school earlier then necessary; Marie liked to be early to finish last minute changes to her homework and have time to draw, while Edd wanted to assure he’d never be tardy. He was grateful Mrs. Wells believed his excuse the day before, protecting his unblemished attendance record. Edd had long ago perfected a way to get what he wanted from teachers; the key was to win their trust and be courteous and polite, to actually be nice and listen to them. He didn’t like to manipulate his teachers though, because ultimately it was breaching the student-teacher relationship, but it wasn’t like it was his fault that he was late in the first place. Plus he had to come up with an excuse for Kevin. Either he had to lie or tell the truth and talk to the school administrators about what had happened—which he knew would’ve been pointless, so lying was the only viable option he had.

Soon other students started to spill into the classroom and claim their seats. As more and more arrived the burble of chatter rose to that of a torrent, the incessant babble a soothing white noise to Edd. Silence allowed him to think, but the sound of other people talking to one another always calmed him down, which was perfect before starting a class. Mind you, perfect as long as they stopped their talking when class actually began. 

Edd found that he was calm and ready to learn as he continued to look over the notes he took the day before, when the volume of conversation unexpectedly lowered throughout the classroom. He assumed Mrs. Wells had arrived, but looking up from his desk he was surprised to see Kevin hesitate by the door.

The first thing Edd noticed was that Kevin was wearing his old hat. The originally firetruck-red material was sun-bleached and faded, the vibrancy of the color mostly lost except for around the seams. Edd hadn’t seen that hat in years, and had almost forgotten how attached Kevin had been to it, much like how Edd had been inseparable from his own old hat. He wondered why Kevin was wearing it all of the sudden, mostly because the sight was oddly alluring; though it was possible that had nothing to do with the beat up baseball cap, Edd always felt his heart beat loudly in his chest whenever he laid eyes on his crush, hat or no hat. The hat definitely wasn’t helping though. Kevin’s fiery golden hair stuck out from around the sides of his baseball cap, even through some small holes where the material was worn thin, and Edd had the embarrassing urge to run his fingers through those short soft locks—but that urge was replaced by worry as Edd looked down to Kevin’s eyes.

They were red-rimmed and subtle purplish-blue bags had formed under the infinite depth of Kevin’s green eyes. Edd could see what appeared to be embarrassment and fear flash across Kevin’s face as his freckled cheeks flushed. It was then that Edd realized that a good third of the class had stopped talking and were staring directly at Kevin, who looked to be stuck with his hand on the open door. Kevin’s eyes met Edd’s and his flush deepened. He clenched his jaw in what had to be determination and walked across the room to his seat, ignoring the eyes and heads that were following his every move. When Kevin slid by Edd’s desk, they locked eyes again and Kevin gave a small, almost imperceptible smile, and it was Edd’s turn to blush. He heard Kevin breathe out a soft hollow chuckle, and the moment was over as Kevin sat in his seat behind him.

Once Kevin sat down, the third of the class which had stopped speaking began to whisper amongst themselves. Edd could see them hiss and mumble behind hands and notebooks to other students who were out of the loop—just like he was. He heard Kevin shift uncomfortably at his desk behind him, whatever was going on he was at the center of it. And by what Edd could tell, on the receiving end of something nasty.

What were they saying?

Edd glanced over at Marie, whose face was scrunched up again. She shrugged when she noticed him looking, she didn’t know what was going on either. He took a breath and turned around to look at Kevin, who sat rigid in his seat. He had his big hands intertwined together in front of him on his desk, one thumb gently rubbing circles on the other. His eyes stared blankly down at his hands, his face almost a steely emotionless mask. To Edd, he looked impossibly lonely and sad, something he had never expected from someone so well-liked and popular.

“Kevin, is everything alright?”

Kevin glanced up in surprise, only now noticing that Edd was looking. His mouth opened as if he was about to say something, but closed it before anything came out. Edd could see Kevin’s Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed nervously, his eyes glistening from what had to be unshed tears. It looked like he wanted to tell him something, but just couldn’t get the words out, his voice stuck deep in his throat. Edd had never seen Kevin look like this, at least not since they had become teenagers, and he wanted desperately to know what had happened. He wanted to help as much as he could, but he didn’t know what to do. He only knew that nobody deserved to feel as dejected and alone as Kevin looked at the moment.  

“Y-yeah,” Kevin swallowed and nodded gently. “I’m fine.”

Edd frowned. “Are you certain? You can tel—“

“Good morning class!” Mrs. Wells strode into the room and dropped her bag on her desk. “Today let’s begin by taking a short pop quiz!”

Groans echoed through the classroom as Kevin pasted on a forced smile, which did nothing to soothe Edd’s worries. Nonetheless Edd sighed and gently smiled back, turning around to clear his desk for the quiz. Hopefully classwork would distract his mind from the distress he felt rising in his throat like acidic bile.

 

-o-

 

AP Biology ended quicker than expected and his other morning classes began one by one, all the while Edd was constantly aware of the looks and whispers which followed Kevin around. He hadn’t been able to talk to Kevin again, to find out what was really going on, since their brief exchange before Biology; but he constantly glanced at Kevin from across their shared classes, just to make sure that he was alright. At first it appeared that he had pulled himself together, disregarding the heads that turned to look at him or the occasional snicker, but he wasn’t as vivid in his movements or facial expressions like he usually was in class. Edd noticed how Kevin was stiff, purposely holding his head high and his posture correct, quiet unless the teacher directly addressed him—never once cracking his normal lighthearted jokes to the students who sat close to him. In fact, nobody had said anything to Kevin in any of their classes, at least Edd hadn’t seen any exchange. It was like he was being ignored as a person while still being the center of his classmates’ incessant attention and rumor mill.

It was only during passing periods that Edd saw anybody interact with Kevin. It was always from a distance though, when Edd was out of earshot heading towards his locker or next class; but as always his eyes were drawn to the tall redhead when he noticed him on the edges of his peripheral vision. 

The first time Edd observed something happen was right after Biology; when he saw a group of three girls step in front of Kevin, blocking his path as their mouths moved quickly. What was said didn’t seem cutting or mean, because Kevin just averted his eyes and nodded, and the response the girls gave caused a strained smile to spread across his face. 

The next time wasn’t so innocent, one of the jocks from the lacrosse team sneered as he passed Kevin, his slash of a mouth spitting out something that had to have been vile. Edd saw how Kevin’s face darkened and his neck tighten, whipping around he said something that led to the lacrosse jock’s face to blanche and some of the surrounding students to chuckle. 

There were a few other brief interactions in the hall that Edd had witnessed, both apparently positive or negative responses to whatever the school was talking about. However nothing he saw gave Edd the information he wanted, the reason behind the odd behavior his classmates were exhibiting.

Edd knew that he could walk up to Kevin and just ask what was going on. He had yet to hear any of his classmates’ whispers, but whatever this gossip was about had to be profoundly personal to Kevin to elicit such a change in demeanor. As a friend, it would be better to ask him alone when nobody was gawking at him; hopefully lunch would allow for that opportunity.

It was during AP Chemistry, Edd’s last class before lunch, that he found himself with enough free time to really think about what was going on around school.

Marie was his partner, and they were _supposed_ to be comparing results from the lab they completed the day before in order to come up with a finalized lab report, but Marie was nowhere to be seen. Edd suspected that she was skipping class to do the so-called ‘recon’ her plan required. He had tried to get her to tell him what she was up to, but she still refused, and now he was left alone at their table as her trip to the bathroom hit the 20 minute mark. Their conclusions for the lab were the same, and he had already finished their report last night, so there really wasn’t anything else to do than theorize different possible scenarios behind Peach Creek High’s disturbing new interest in Kevin.

He glanced over his shoulder to the back of the room. Kevin was looking over his partner’s results and copying down their answers to another sheet of paper. He looked much better than he did earlier that morning, but maybe it was because he was occupied with work. Edd had noticed that with each passing class and stint in the hallway less people stared at Kevin. The whispering and mumbling had been noticeably lighter too, leading Edd to the conclusion that by now whatever people were talking about was becoming old news. So perhaps what was being discussed was some sort of new revelation regarding Kevin, and now that three class periods had passed most people probably already knew what was going on. Though he had to acknowledge that students _were_ still talking about it, just they weren’t as shocked or surprised as they were at the beginning of the day.

What could be so world-shattering to warrant such intense babble? 

Edd took out a fresh piece of paper and began to list the things he knew about Kevin to determine what could have changed. 

First, Kevin was the captain of the football team. Edd knew that the first game was coming up next Friday, a little over a week from now, so maybe it had something to do with that? But that didn’t explain Kevin’s reactions to the attention, unless something bad had happened to the team. He’d have to look into it further to determine if that might be a factor. 

Second, Kevin was smarter and more compassionate than he let other people believe. Edd couldn’t possibly see how that would cause any problems; that wasn’t something people were really mocked for if they were also popular and athletic, so that most likely wasn’t it either. 

Third, Kevin was undoubtedly attractive. Edd felt his cheeks start to warm as he quickly glanced back over his shoulder; yes, still as handsome as ever. Kevin had even more girls after him than he did, so maybe…

Edd’s eyes widened. How could he have let something so obvious slip under his nose?

Edd jumped as the aluminum chair next to him screeched over the linoleum floor, Marie sliding into it with a lengthy sigh. She didn’t look very pleased. 

“Enjoy your vacation getaway to the scenic girl’s restroom?”

“Can it, Edd,” Marie rolled her eyes and kicked her legs up to rest on the table. “Before you ask, yes, I was trying to iron out the details of my plan, but… It didn’t work out.”

“I can’t say that I’m shocked.”

“Whatever smart ass, but you might be interested in something I learned,” she said, leaning back in her chair, balancing it on two legs with her feet firmly planted on the edge of their table. “It’s about all this chit-chat centered around a certain football player…”

Edd briefly looked back at Kevin. “I don’t know Marie, I think I should ask him myself.”

“Come on! It’s actually pretty badass in my opinion, and I got all my info from Nazz so you know it’s not exaggerated or anything.”

Edd sighed, “I have a feeling you’ll tell me anyway, even though I don’t want to hear it.”

He had to admit though, he was pretty curious. 

“You bet!” Marie grinned. “Anyway, so I was looking for that ass who destroyed all your stuff yesterday—“

“Micheal,” Edd interjected.

“Yeah, him. I figured that he’d know who was behind the writing on your locker, and I wanted to politely ask him some questions.” Edd rolled his eyes, he very well knew what Marie meant. “But I couldn’t find him anywhere, so I asked Nazz if she knew what happened to him, since she’s a cheerleader and all.” Marie unbalanced her chair, leaning forward to shift in her seat so she was closer to Edd. She then continued quietly, “She told me he wasn’t at school today. But get this, it’s because Kevin knocked him out at practice yesterday!”

“What?!”  

Edd was surprised, he hadn’t expected that. Though, he did remember how angry Kevin looked on the walk back to Biology yesterday morning, and if he got into a fight at practice that would explain how he was able to be present at the pool. Kevin had said that there wasn’t any football practice yesterday; Edd had known then that he was probably lying, but Edd figured that he had just skipped it to come watch him swim, not that he had gotten in trouble for fighting. Edd grimaced, was Kevin really as different as he had originally thought? 

Marie frowned, “Hey, I know that look, wait till I finish to pass judgement—and that’s coming from me.” 

Edd exhaled, “By all means, please continue.”

“Okay, well Nazz said that the fight happened because Micheal called you… y’know. And he insisted that since Kevin didn’t like that word, he must be a ‘fag’ too,” Marie chuckled sourly, “Apparently Kevin snapped and punched that asshole right in the jaw, and he was out cold from that one swing! But everyone on the team saw, and put two and two together. Basically Kevin accidentally outed himself because he wasn’t able play off Micheal’s accusation—so now the whole school knows because football players can’t keep their stupid mouths shut.”

“And that’s why everyone has been staring at him like he’s some sort of oddity,” Edd whispered, feeling a bit guilty for quickly jumping to conclusions. Kevin was just defending himself, and essentially Edd as well.

“I have to admit, I now have some respect for the guy,” Marie murmured, looking to the back of the room where Kevin sat. “Maybe he’s not the _absolute_ worst.”

“I can’t imagine how he feels right now, I doubt he was even prepared to come out in the first place, and now…” Edd gulped, imagining if something similar had happened to himself. “I should talk to him.”

“Maybe that’s a good idea, Nazz said some other shit is going on in his life too. She seemed really worried about him.”

It was then that the bell rang, heralding the start of lunch. Mr. Fields jolted up from his slumped sleeping position at his desk in the corner of the room, yelling for everyone to turn in their lab reports. Soon Edd and Marie were out in the hall, heading to their lockers before making their way to the cafeteria.

Edd hoped that he would be able to talk to Kevin about what was going on, to show that he supported him; maybe even to tell him that he wasn’t alone, that he was gay too, though he was far from ready to officially come out. It must have been horrifying to come to school expecting a normal day, only to find out that everyone knew your deepest secret. The reaction the school had wasn’t what Edd expected either, but maybe the stares and whispers were only because Kevin was at the apex of the social pyramid. He wondered if the same reaction would occur if _he_ came out, though he hoped he would never find out. It wasn’t that he disliked his classmates, just that the vast majority weren’t very close to him, and he had no desire for friendly acquaintances to judge him differently because of one little thing about himself. It would be easier to start with a fresh slate at college, that way he wouldn’t have to worry about people he barely knew treating him any different; he’d know who to avoid right off the bat. That was what Kevin must be going through now, realizing who his real friends were. 

Edd wished that they were closer, that they weren’t newly minted friends so he would know how to comfort Kevin and show him that he cared. That he was there for him whenever he needed, even just to be a set of ears to listen to his problems. It occurred to Edd that maybe Kevin didn’t have that with anyone, though that seemed doubtful knowing Nazz, but he just hoped that he could do _something_ for him. He was a little wary because he didn’t want Kevin to view his desire to help as pity, or think that he was just pretending to care—they’ve been honest and sincere to each other before, but the emotions in this situation were so much stronger.

Edd had partially expected Kevin to meet up with him and Marie like he had the day before, but that wasn’t the case. It didn’t worry Edd at first, not until they were halfway across the raucous cafeteria and Kevin wasn’t sitting at the table with Nat and Nazz. Quickly scanning the large room, Edd couldn’t spot Kevin anywhere. Once Nazz and Nat noticed them, they started to look around too, they had no idea where he was either.

Edd swallowed nervously and took out his phone. He had to find Kevin, especially after what he just learned.

He hoped he was alright.

 

-o-

 

Kevin breathed in slowly, letting the air fill his lungs to capacity. He then let the air slowly filter out through his nose, hoping that it would take his emotions along for the ride, leaving him comfortably empty and numb. He repeated the process over and over until the throbbing in his head lessened to a point where he could hear himself think once more. Not that he exactly wanted to focus on his thoughts, but it felt better.

He knew he should have listened to Nazz and Nat, that he shouldn’t have come to school today.

One of the first things his friends told him after he explained what had happened last night was that he should stay home and relax. That class would be too much for him after what he went through, and that he needed the rest after getting so little sleep. But he didn’t listen to them, insisting that everything was fine, and that holding onto his normal routine would help him more than wallowing at home alone. Kevin wasn’t lying when he said all this over the phone that morning, or when he repeated it in Nazz’s car on the way to school, but he hadn’t expected that the day would turn out like _this_.

All those _eyes_ , following his every move like he was dangerous; burrowing deep into the back of his skull whenever he turned away, every look followed by whispers and hidden giggles. He could still feel them, even in the safety of the bathroom stall he was occupying. At the invisible stares he hugged his knees, letting his head hang between them as he stared at the mottled toilet lid beneath him. Yeah, today was already turning out worse than yesterday, and there was nothing he could do about it.

When he first stepped through the front doors and saw the heads turn his direction in the hall, he was confused. The looks they gave him were nothing like what he was used to, no smiles or irritating meaningless conversations, instead he saw a range of unusual emotions painted on his classmates’ faces. Curiosity and disgust, even some pity—nothing made sense until he heard some of the mumbles and whispers as he passed, the realization shocking him more than it honestly should’ve. He had known that his team basically knew that he was gay after practice yesterday, but he thought they were trustworthy. It didn’t even occur to him that the truth would spread so far so quickly.

Or that everyone would care so much.

The looks were too much for him at first, and he knew his facade was cracking under so much unwanted scrutiny. Suddenly he was an outsider, and he never had to deal with that before; he never realized how involved he was in all the annoying social bullshit at school until nobody would utter a word to him. Oh, they had no qualms about gossiping and spreading the juicy news or whatever, but they couldn’t even say a _word_ to him. He was surprised that anger didn’t overcome him then, right there in the hall before Biology, but instead he felt like he was shrinking into nothingness as he attempted to confidently stride to class. Even though it felt like everything was falling apart, he would _not_ give them the pleasure of some sort of public breakdown.

That almost changed when Edd had turned around and asked him if he was okay. Kevin had been thinking about his dad and how he hadn’t seen him that morning, his absence was normal since he had to go to work early, but still the lack of closure after last night was frightening to say the least. Edd had shocked him out of his thoughts, and the intense worry that disturbed his face—it was just too much, all of it. The stares, his father, the fact everyone knew, his crush so obviously worried about him; he wanted to tell Edd everything, but he couldn’t. His lie that everything was fine just appeared to make Edd more worried, and that just made him feel guilty. Why was he such a fucking coward? He could’ve told him the truth right there, just spill everything—but he supposed he knew why. _They_ were still watching.

Kevin took off his beloved hat, balancing it on his knee as he ran his fingers through his hair, trying to lose that feeling of being watched. He sighed and looked at the worn baseball cap, its bill was bent and in places the canvas threadbare, and Kevin couldn’t stop the silent tears which began to drip down his cheeks. 

He had put it on that morning because he thought it would comfort him after last night, that it would remind him of her. Hoping that some of his mother’s strength would somehow rub off on him through the last physical connection he had with her. His hat, her last gift to him before she got sick, was his most cherished possession, and it nearly killed him when he had to stop wearing it because it was falling apart. Kevin rubbed the soft fabric, knowing that today might very well be the last day he would ever wear the hat outside of his house. It was stupid that he wore it anyway, putting it in unnecessary danger, but he knew he needed it if he were to get through a normal school day. But today wasn’t normal, and though the hat was comforting it failed to give him the strength to dismiss all the whispers.

Even though Kevin told himself that he didn’t care about what people thought of him, today had revealed that declaration to be a blatant lie. He did care, and it was pathetic— _he_ was pathetic. Why should the approval of people who didn’t know him, or even care to _get_ to know him, bother him so much; so deeply?

He should have listened to his friends.

Kevin pushed his hat back onto his head, overcome with anger and self-hatred. He wanted to hit something, just to relieve the tension that he felt filling his body. His fists started tightening, but the dull throb of his knuckles broke his downward spiral. That pain, the raw redness that still adorned his right fist, reminded him of what anger could do—what it _had_ done. 

All of this had happened because of anger. It’s what led to the school knowing his secret, and he supposed it’s what led his father to attacking him last night; though violent homophobia was at the root of that incident. Kevin at least knew that his own anger was justified, that he should be angry that people wanted to belittle him for something he had no control over, but he couldn’t let it consume him anymore. He wasn't going to be a slave to the violence which hid inside his body. He was better than that in so many ways, he _had_ to be better or else there just wasn't a point to it all. When he was taken over by anger Kevin became a person he hated, did things which were stupid and impulsive. Things that made him feel embarrassed and filled him with regret. Above all, Kevin was determined to not let himself turn into his father, who long ago seemed to let anger and fear rule his life.

Kevin sighed and breathed in deeply, letting the tension he felt boiling under his skin out into the acrid air of the broken-down boy’s restroom. He felt his pocket vibrate again, interrupting his breathing exercise. Kevin ignored it like he ignored the downpour of earlier text messages he received. He felt guilty that he didn’t let his friends know what was going on, where he was and what he was doing, but he couldn’t face them right now. Even in text form.

Even if they were probably worried, because they actually cared about him.

Kevin frowned, deciding that he shouldn’t keep his friends waiting any longer. He reached into his pocket to take out his phone. Before he could unlock the screen fully, he paused. He thought he heard the light clack of the swinging bathroom door as it opened. He held his breath, nobody should be trying to use this bathroom, he thought he was safe.

“Kevin?” He heard Edd’s gentle, but almost panicked voice call out, “Are you in here?” 

Kevin exhaled. It made sense that Edd would look in the place where Micheal had taken him the day before. The fact that he was looking for him though, that made Kevin feel awful. He really hoped Edd hadn’t been looking for him for the last 15 minutes, but he knew that if the roles were reversed, he’d certainly be looking for Edd. 

He heard Edd’s defeated sigh, and then he was certain that Edd had been looking for him since the beginning of lunch. Kevin felt like a complete ass. Why was he so intent on isolating himself from people who cared enough to actually worry about him?

“Y-yeah,” Kevin swallowed and wiped his eyes, “I’m here.”

He could hear a relieved exhale of breath and Edd’s light footsteps over the tiled floor. Edd’s black converse appeared in the space under the door to his stall, there was a slight hesitation before Kevin heard a quick knock on the door.

“You don’t have to open the door if you don’t want to…” Edd paused, and Kevin could picture the conflicted look on his face. “B-but I want to know that you’re alright. We’re friends now, correct? You can tell me anything, I’m here for you.”

As Edd was speaking Kevin already leaned forward to unlatch the door. The way Edd’s voice warbled, and how his weight shifted nervously from shoe to shoe—all pained Kevin’s heart. His selfishness had caused Edd to worry, the least Kevin could do was to try to open up to him, explain himself to one of the few people who saw him as a real person; not just the role he filled. He shouldn’t hide himself anymore, not from him.

“How much do you know?” Kevin inquired quietly, looking down at his hands folded in his lap. He wasn’t sure what his reaction would be to seeing the sincere concerned expression on Edd’s face. He didn’t want to find out.

“Only the obnoxious rumors going around school,” Edd said, something indiscernible tainting his clear voice. In a much quieter tone he went on, “That you defended me, and because of that revealed a secret that you probably meant to keep hidden.” 

Kevin swallowed and let out a shallow laugh. “Yeah, that’s basically the gist of it…” 

There was a silence as Kevin heard Edd move closer to him in the stall, his body eclipsing the fluorescent light which illuminated Kevin’s shifting hands.

“Can… Can I ask you a question Kevin?” Edd’s voice was barely above a whisper, filled with tentative curiosity. Before Kevin knew what was happening, he looked up from his hands and met Edd’s eyes.

They were brimming with worry, hope, and embarrassment. Edd’s face was flushed a delicate pink, his hands toying with the hem of his large sweater decorated with vibrant red rosebuds at various points of bloom, his lips open and waiting. Kevin nodded numbly.

“Are you ashamed?” Edd whispered, averting his eyes. “Of being gay?”

“No!” Kevin responded adamantly. He was a bit shocked at how firm his voice sounded, even though he could feel a blush form over his cheeks.

“Good. Neither am I,” Edd said as casually as possible, looking down at his hands gently tugging at his sweater. Even though Kevin highly suspected that Edd liked him, the admission of his sexuality still took him by surprise. As Kevin’s blush deepened, Edd’s piercing blue eyes met Kevin’s green, his voice cutting through the air, “I have to wonder though, if you aren’t ashamed why are you in here hiding and not out in the cafeteria?”

“It’s, uh, I… You wouldn’t understand.” 

“Then explain it to me, _please_.”

Edd hesitantly stepped forward, his hand reaching out to rest on Kevin’s left knee. He could feel the warmth through his jeans, the delicate pressure as Edd’s thumb gently stroked the fabric. Kevin was sure he was bright red at that point, but the touch was soothing and helped him concentrate on the words he was forming in his mind.

“I just needed time away from everything,” Kevin began, looking up at Edd’s supportive smile. “They were all _staring_ at me Edd, constantly. I could feel them even when I was looking away, it felt like I was being dissected or something—and not in the way I’m used to. And everything they said, that they thought I couldn’t hear…” He gulped and blinked away the threat of tears. “It _hurts_ Edd, to know what people think of you. To hear it directly from their mouths, right in front of you like you didn’t exist. I guess I’m in here because I couldn’t deal with that anymore, even for another second.”  

“ _Kevin,_ ” Edd whispered, thumb making soothing circles on his knee. “Why didn’t you just tell us? Nazz and Nat are so worried about you. _I’m_ worried about you, heck, even Marie is worried! You could’ve just told us—you don’t have to suffer through things alone.” Edd’s voice hardened a little as he added, “You can’t let people make you feel isolated. When you feel that way always reach out to someone you can trust, that can help. Otherwise you’ll start to believe what people say about you… And that’s exactly what they want.”  

“I didn’t want to burden you guys with my problems, even if that sounds stupid. I’m just not that good at expressing myself either,” Kevin responded sheepishly. Edd was making him feel better, telling him things he already knew to be true. But opening himself up to people, even his friends, was easier said than done.

“I don’t know what makes you think that you’d be a burden to your friends,” Edd smiled and Kevin’s heart beat faster. “In fact, you said so yourself last night in that text you sent to me. I feel the same way about you Kevin, you’d never be a burden to me. And I think you’re actually pretty good at talking like this, at least when it’s me you're talking to.”

“But that’s it, Edd,” Kevin mumbled, looking down at his hands in his lap. He gave into the urge he felt since Edd had begun rubbing his knee; he lifted his hand and rested it over Edd’s. Glancing up at his crush he sighed, “It’s you. I dunno, I just feel like I can really be myself around you. That I don’t need to be something I’m not when we’re talking. You don’t know what that means to me.”

“I-I think I do, or maybe I’m just beginning to understand,” Edd said softly, his face turning a deeper shade of red as Kevin squeezed his hand. But he wasn’t pulling away. “I find you remarkably easy to talk to as well, I’m glad that you feel similarly. I am a bit annoyed that we haven’t talked until this week though.”

Kevin chuckled, which felt good. Though he didn’t bother correcting Edd, it _was_ hard talking to him in the beginning. “Yeah, I could’ve been bothering you in Bio since August!” 

Edd giggled, which crinkled the skin around his eyes in a way Kevin thought astoundingly adorable. When Edd opened his eyes, he noticed Kevin looking and his ears pinked. Edd slowly smiled as that expression Kevin couldn’t decipher, the one from the walk back to class the day before, appeared on Edd’s face. For a moment Kevin thought Edd was going to say something, but then that moment was gone. Edd averted his eyes, lashes catching the light, and coughed into his free hand.

“You k-know Kevin, I think people are beginning to accept that you’re gay. I noticed less people staring at you during class, and I heard some of our classmates refer to you as ‘brave’ when I was looking around school for you. Maybe this will all die down after a few days.”

“Maybe,” Kevin remarked, trying not to dwell on another lost moment. “After class there were a few people who told me they supported me, but that didn’t stop them from staring.”

“I think they’ll stop after awhile, once they get used to the idea.”

Edd tried his best to look hopeful and confident, but Kevin could tell he was still worried.

Kevin sighed, looking back down at his lap. He knew he’d have to leave the safety of the bathroom soon, but he really didn’t want to leave. Especially when Edd was tenderly stroking his soft thumb over his knuckles while their hands lay intertwined on Kevin’s knee. But he couldn’t stay there forever, even if that meant facing down all those eyes again.

“Edd, would you walk back to the cafeteria with me?”

“Are you sure? We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

_We._ For some reason, Edd referring to both of them as ‘we’ stuck in his mind. They were holding hands after all, what did that mean?

“No, it’s fine,” Kevin assured, breathing in deeply as he stood up. “I want to.”

“Alright,” Edd eyed him suspiciously, backing out of the stall. “But if you feel like you need to get away again, please let me know.”

A pang of guilt reverberated through Kevin’s body. “Of course, I will this time. I won’t disappear like earlier.” Kevin winced as he realized something else, “Uh, I should probably text Nat and Nazz that you found me, I really hope they aren’t still searching around the school…”

“It’s okay Kevin, I texted them right when I heard you in the stall.” Edd smiled up at Kevin, and ran his fingers across Kevin’s palm. He was so distracted that he hadn’t even realized that they were still holding hands. “It’ll be okay, I promise.”

“Alright then, lead the way.”

Edd pushed open the bathroom door, revealing the deserted dead end hallway lined with sophomore classes. Kevin felt Edd’s hand twitch from within the confines of his fingers, and he wondered if Edd was comfortable with holding hands as they walked down the hall. They hadn’t talked about it after all, it just happened naturally.

Kevin got his answer after a few minutes when they were halfway down the hall. A door began to open and Edd hastily withdrew his hand before anyone could see. He also took a step away from him, the retreating warmth causing Kevin to furrow his brow.  

Edd’s hand had felt so amazing wrapped up in his own. Perfect, if Kevin was trying to be dramatic, and now that it was gone he longed to hold it again. Unlike the heavy feeling Kevin got around Edd since the beginning of his crush, actually touching him was light and airy. It made Kevin’s heart race, and Kevin wondered if that feeling would happen every time they held hands; or if they would even hold hands ever again. 

Kevin pushed that depressing thought out of his mind. Even though Edd’s hand was gone, he was still there next to him. Kevin could still feel him there, he could still smell the subtle scent of Edd’s lilac shampoo, hear his soft breathing. Just knowing that he was there, and that he genuinely cared about him—Kevin was pleased to find that Edd’s presence was enough.

“Don’t worry,” Edd muttered as they were about to enter the cafeteria. “I’m still here.”

Kevin nodded, ignoring the stares he already felt, “I know.”

He was determined to get through this.

 

-o-

 

School on Friday had gone much better than Kevin had expected. Sure, mumbles and stares still followed him as he walked through the halls, but not nearly as much as the day before. People in class had even started talking to him again, though Kevin wasn’t sure how he felt about that. If they had stopped talking to him because of the very factual rumors going around, Kevin didn’t know if he wanted to pretend to be interested in what they had to say anymore. Kevin was certain that he had looked closed off and unapproachable the day before, so there was a chance that classmates who wanted to talk to him then didn’t feel like they could—there was no way to know for sure. 

What Kevin did know, or rather decided, was that he didn’t want to play the game of being Mr. Perfect Football Star anymore. He was going to remain on the team, because the game really helped him and Coach Rene was more of a parent to him in three years than his father would ever be, but he wanted to completely opt out of all the social expectations demanded of the captain of the football team. He wasn’t going to pretend to be interested in people he didn’t like, go to the parties which he basically loathed at this point, or change himself just to get people to accept him. All of these changes were going to take awhile to settle in though, it was much easier to _say_ that he was going to change than actually do it, especially since he had been pretending for so long. But really, it wasn’t that he was forcing himself to change, just that he wasn’t going to hide behind the image of the man his father or his classmates wanted him to be anymore. If anything he was trying to let his real self shine through, but he didn’t really know who that person would be; and honestly that was a bit of a scary thought. Who was he, really?

He had no idea.

It was very frustrating and confusing, but he figured that now was the perfect time to stop giving a shit (or at least try to) and actually explore who he was. After all, everyone knew his secret now, there was no point hanging onto all the things that he _wasn’t_ , not anymore. This was what he wanted, after years of forcing himself into a tight container that didn’t quite fit, he was finally given an opportunity to just let it all go. Yeah the cause of the opportunity was shitty and really embarrassing, but it happened. He only hoped that he could get over it with time, and ultimately that’s what everything would take—time.

He really hoped he had the courage to remain genuine and go through with it. He didn’t want to fall back into the pattern of lies that he had hid behind before, he knew that he could never go back; not when he had revealed everything to his friends. Maybe that would help push him forward.

A decent amount of his decisions to take action and stop hiding came from lunch Thursday, when Kevin had really tried to explain how he felt to Nazz, Nat, Edd, and yeah, even Marie. He knew he could trust them, they had spent a good amount lunch looking for him because they were worried, and he felt like he owed them something. Nat and Nazz knew a lot of what he was feeling, but during lunch he came to see that in a way he had hidden from them too. He had shut them out of his life, and that realization upset him deeply, but he was glad he had it. Otherwise, Edd had said in that odd knowing tone of his, how would he move forward? 

Edd was right, as usual.

Through whispers and low tones, he tried to make them understand, _himself_ understand, what was going on. Being open was kinda new to him, though obviously he didn’t reveal everything that was bothering him, some things were too personal. Like some of the aspects of his relationship with his father, or his searing crush on Edd. But by the end of lunch, he had felt much better, and the stares from the surrounding tables didn’t feel quite as important.

What really made him feel better though was texting with Edd when they had both gone home. They hadn’t talked about the hand holding, or their almost kiss, but instead they just went back and forth talking about things that interested them. Shows and movies, different books or music, even what subjects they liked at school; they continued texting until Kevin’s fingers were tired and Edd said he had to go to bed. Only after he said goodnight did Kevin realize that he hadn’t heard his father come home that evening. He tried to push the bubbling anxieties out of his mind as he attempted to fall asleep.

Early Friday morning the only sign that his father had even come home the night before was the tight wad of spending money he always left for Kevin on the coffee table in the living room. 

It wasn’t exactly unusual for his father not to come home before Kevin decided to go to bed, it had happened many times before, but the timing of this absence was worrisome. However the sight of the money was actually a relief. It didn’t cause that annoying feeling of being bribed like it usually did, instead the crisp roll of 50 dollar bills were a sign that everything was normal—safe. His father was still giving him the absurd amount of allowance he had been receiving since after his mother’s funeral. Kevin suspected then, even as a child, that his father was just trying to distract him from his grief, but that distraction had turned into routine at some point—which hadn’t stopped now. He still hadn’t seen his dad since the fight, over a day ago; normally that would’ve been a relief all its own, but even the sight of the money couldn’t ease all of Kevin’s worries.

He had to see his father at some point, and Kevin wondered how that would go. Did his dad remember what had happened or, more importantly, the reason behind it? The money led Kevin to believe that his father hadn’t remembered, just like he expected, but that didn’t mean dealing with his father would be any easier. He still had to hide himself from his dad, and once he actually got used to being open and true to himself he was curious if he could continue the facade in front of that man. Kevin at least had to hold out until his birthday, or preferably until he went away for college. He didn’t want to deal with his father’s reaction a second time, especially when he was trying to figure out who he was as a person.

Luckily Kevin was able to ignore his anxieties regarding his father, just like he ignored the occasional stare or whisper as the school day stuttered closer to the weekend. Classwork helped by occupying his mind, and Kevin threw himself at it with renewed focus, but what really got him through the day was what he had planned after school.

When they were texting back and forth the night before, Edd had asked if he could copy Kevin’s notes Friday after school. Kevin agreed and was excited to be able to spend time with Edd alone. He didn’t know what ‘they’ were, if they were a couple or not. It was now pretty obvious that Edd liked him and that he liked Edd back, and though things were moving so quickly and so much was starting to change in Kevin’s life, he wanted to talk to Edd about how he felt. If that didn’t happen it wasn’t _that_ big of a deal, Kevin wouldn’t force it, but he was still excited and a tad nervous for school to end.

Kevin breathed in as Nat continued talking, focused instead on changing into his uniform rather than listening; thinking about the last few days. His world had begun to spin upside down, and it felt like he wasn’t in control anymore. But maybe that was a good thing, maybe he should let things pan out along the lines already drawn. Whatever was going to happen he couldn’t bother worrying about it now, he had to concentrate on training for the upcoming game. 

He heard the locker room door open as he finished changing, his teammates starting to fill the room. Some gave him a curious glance or two, but most didn’t bother to look at him more than usual. Kevin didn’t know if that was a good sign or not.

All he had to do was get through practice, and then he could see Edd again.

 

-o-

 

“How was practice today?” Edd asked, readjusting his satchel as they began walking away from the pool half of the Gym. “You don’t look very pleased.”

“Huh? Oh, it was fine,” Kevin mumbled, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “Coach is pushing us really hard since we have our first game next week.”

“That’s against Citrus Peak right? I recall hearing that they’re really good.”

“Yeah, not as good as our team though,” Kevin hesitated, thinking about practice. “That’s not what’s bothering me.” 

“Are you going to enlighten me, or will I have to guess?” 

Kevin chuckled briefly, but ended with a sigh, “Micheal was at practice.” 

Edd quirked his brow, “Should he _not_ be?”  

“Well, yeah, he’s supposed to be there. But I was surprised to see him, I didn’t know he came to school today.” 

Edd’s mouth curved into a slight frown. “Did he cause any problems?”

“He always does, but I thought maybe today…” Kevin shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck. “When I first saw him glaring at me with that big purple bruise on his jaw, I felt _really_ guilty. But he quickly reminded me why I hit him in the first place.” He clenched his jaw, thinking back to practice. “He’s the one who started telling the whole school that I’m gay, and he’s turned a decent portion of the team against me. Not a big part, but enough for Coach to notice that we weren’t as cohesive as we used to be, and…” Kevin trailed off, grimacing.

“And?”

Kevin looked to his side, where Edd was walking closer than he had moments before. He didn’t look happy, in fact he looked a bit pissed, which didn’t happen often. The last time he recalled Edd looking even remotely like this was when Mrs. Harper refused to call on him because he already answered ‘too many’ questions. It made sense that Edd was mad, Micheal had bullied him just a few days ago, and Kevin suddenly felt anger on his crush’s behalf rise up in his throat again. Talking about that asshole probably didn’t help either of their moods.

“I think he’s trying to push me until I beat him up again, and I can’t let that happen. I know I’ll get in trouble next time.” Kevin looked down at the path in front of them, they were almost to the parking lot. He fiddled with the fraying straps of his backpack, fretting, “Maybe I should just quit the team before that happens.”

“You shouldn’t stop doing something you love just because of that imbecile,” Edd said, furrowing his brow. “I’m certain that you can avoid another confrontation.”

“I sure hope so, but now he knows how to rile me up. He was already trying to bait me again today. I really don’t want to hurt someone again, Edd.” 

“Well, why not bring this to the attention of your coach? She sounds like a reasonable person.”

“I don’t want to bother her—“

“Kevin,” Edd interrupted sharply. “ _Tell her_ , she’s there for a reason. If you’re really worried, she should know.”

Kevin relented, “Okay, yeah, you’re right.” He frowned, tired of the subject, “Can we please talk about something else? How’d your practice go?”

Edd appeared to light up, a small smile crossing his face. “Excellent! I think I’m really starting to know what I’m doing in the water. The last few years I’ve been decent at best, but over the summer I kept practicing on my own. Now I think it’s finally clicked, I even beat Dom a few times again today!”

“That’s really rad Edd,” Kevin said, smiling as he remembered watching Edd in the water. “I wish I could watch you practice more, give you the luck to beat Dom every time,” he teased. He then recalled that dissatisfied look Dom gave him on Wednesday. “Who is Dom anyway?”

Edd eyed him curiously, “Dominic Hernandez, the captain of the swim team? I thought you’d know him, he’s one of the best young swimmers in the state.”

“Heh, if you keep beating him, what does that make you?”

A serious blush tinged Edd’s cheeks, he turned his head to try to hide that gap-toothed smile. “Y-you should come to our swim meet next Saturday, it’d be great to see you in the stands again.” Edd ignored his compliment like usual.

“I’d love to,” Kevin beamed down at Edd, who was finally looking at him again. “You’re gonna come to the game next Friday, right? It should start after your practice ends.” 

“Of course! I was already planning on it.” 

As they continued discussing their respective sporting events, Kevin and Edd rounded the final corner of the path where it swerved around the edge of the auditorium, entering the parking lot. Kevin’s bike was parked under one of the shady trees in front of the steps leading to the main entrance, near a few moped stragglers. When they stopped next to his motorcycle Kevin took out his helmet and tossed his spare to Edd.

“I remembered to raid Nazz’s car for my spare yesterday, I think it should fit.” Kevin watched Edd place the neon pink helmet over his head, holding back a chuckle. “I hope you don’t mind the color.”

“I like pink,” Edd stated flatly, adjusting the helmet. “I’m honestly a little relieved, you don’t know how close I was to getting a heart attack when you started driving without a helmet last time,” he confessed, flipping his visor down before dropping his satchel into one of the saddlebags.

“Yeah, won’t be doing that again.” Kevin straddled his bike, waiting for Edd’s warmth behind him. “You remember the drill?” He asked when he felt Edd squeeze up on the motorcycle. Kevin could feel his pulse thrum along his neck.

“Yes, I believe so. Hold on tight?”

“Yup, hold on _tight.”_

When he felt Edd’s arms wrap around his middle, Edd’s hands searching for a place to settle as they ghosted over his stomach, Kevin felt the warmth radiate from his cheeks. What he would give to feel those hands on his bare skin… Before his thoughts betrayed him, he revved the engine and maneuvered his bike out of the parking lot and onto Peach Tree Avenue. 

The sun was just beginning to dip beneath the ridge of the hills to the west, painting the clouds a vibrant palate of pink and orange, the sky slowly transitioning from soft blue around the sun to dark navy far behind them. The open sky was one reason Kevin loved riding a motorcycle, and he could tell Edd appreciated it too from how he felt Edd’s helmet move and bump against his upper back when Edd looked up. As Kevin took the turn to their cul-de-sac he felt Edd tighten his grasp around him, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to get off the bike when they eventually parked in his driveway. The streetlights started to flick on as Kevin pulled the key out of the ignition, their soft electric hum filling the quiet twilight air.

“Please take off your shoes,” Edd said once they were through his front door, pointing to a shoe rack along the foyer wall. “We can set up shop in the living room, follow me.” 

Kevin nodded and obeyed without question, there was an authority to Edd’s voice that was typically absent—and a hint of something else. Edd went through the archway to the left and darted around the living room, turning on different lamps as he went. The rapidly fading sunlight from the wide front window was soon replaced by the whitish-orange glow of multiple different types of lightbulb. 

“Would you care for some refreshments before we start?” Edd asked, an anxious tinge to his voice.

“Uh, yeah, sure. What do you have?”

“I think I have some lemonade or orange juice—tea if you’d prefer,” Edd replied. His left hand was gently tugging at the righthand sleeve of his knit sweater. “And various kinds of rice chips or veggie puffs, if you’re hungry.”

“I think some tea would be nice actually.”

Edd blinked quickly, lashes flaying across his cheeks. “What kind? I have many different varieties.”

“Whatever you’d have for yourself.” Kevin flashed a grin, hoping to calm Edd down.

“Alright, I’ll be right back. Make yourself at home,” Edd said with a small smile, dropping his bag on the floor by the coffee table as he went through the kitchen door. At least in Kevin’s house that was the kitchen door.

Kevin sat down on the low beige couch along one side of the room, next to where Edd had placed his satchel. He opened his backpack and took out the notebooks Edd would be copying, setting them on the dark coffee table before him. Kevin leaned back and looked around the room, taking the opportunity to absorb his surroundings. He didn’t remember if he’d ever been in Edd’s house before.

It was clean, remarkably clean; the blue-grey carpet was absolutely spotless, and no dust was on anything he could see. The furniture was minimalist and stylish, obviously expensive, but if he could judge by the couch, all the matching armchairs and loveseats were probably just as uncomfortable. There were no photos on the walls either, just big prints of famous abstract paintings; a series of interesting tribal masks were set on stands above the fireplace, just under the flatscreen TV. The room didn’t seem lived-in at all, almost clinical and maybe a little bit depressing, like a doctor’s waiting room. Kevin wondered what Edd’s parents did for a living, judging by the room they had to do something that made a decent amount of money—but looking back Kevin wasn’t sure if he’d ever even _seen_ Edd’s parents. Only that silver Lexus coming and going every other weekend.  

“I’ll be just a moment, it’ll take a minute or two for the water to heat up!” Edd called from the kitchen.

“Take your time, don’t burn yourself!” Kevin called back. He hoped joking around with Edd would get him to loosen up from whatever funk he was in. He knew it helped _him_ feel better.

Kevin shifted on the couch, trying to get comfortable. He wondered if anyone had ever sat on it before. The longer he was looking around the room, the weirder he felt. It was the exact shape and size as the living room in his house. He figured that their houses might have the same layout, but it was still odd seeing the same room filled with very different furniture. Kevin wasn’t sure which he liked better. Neither, probably. Both felt severely oppressive in different ways.

“Here we go,” Edd said, placing a tray with two colorful mugs and an electric kettle on the coffee table. He placed a teabag in each cup and poured the steaming water from the kettle. It smelled good, tangy and sweet. 

Edd sat down next to Kevin, their knees barely brushing, and moved the mugs from the tray to sit in front of each of them on the near-black tabletop. Only after he put down a couple of coasters, of course.

Edd clasped his hands together, beaming, “So! Are these the notes I’ll be transcribing?”

“Uh-huh,” Kevin said, leaning forward to push the pile of his notebooks closer to Edd. “I dunno if you want to copy everything or not. I think only the notes from the last two weeks should be needed for any quizzes next week.”

“We’ll see.” Edd bent down and opened his satchel, placing multiple binders and various highlighters and pencils on the table. “Thanks again for letting me do this, it would have been quite annoying to piece together the necessary key points from our textbooks.” 

“I’m glad to help, I just hope they’re good enough for you. I’m sure yours were way more detailed.” 

Edd offered a noncommittal hum, picking up one of Kevin’s notebooks to cradle in his lap, eyes scanning each page as he flipped through it. Kevin suddenly felt very self-conscious, surely his notes were too simple to be of any help. 

“These look fantastic Kevin!” Edd exclaimed, flashing a quick smile. “I admit, I was worried, but it looks like you’ve been very thorough with the information. We just have different organization preferences, I think.”

“Thanks,” Kevin mumbled, blushing. He rubbed the back of his neck, it was a new experience being complimented academically by the smartest person he knew. “Just let me know if you need me to tell you what a word is, I know my handwriting can be crappy when I go fast.”

Edd giggled, a light and pleasant sound, but didn’t say anything. He leaned forward, taking the teabags out of their mugs and deposited them on the tray next to the kettle. When he retreated from the table he grabbed one of his binders and a highlighter, along with a couple of pencils. Only after Edd took a long drink from his mug did he begin to work. 

Kevin took his mug and sipped the hot tea, watching Edd. He didn’t really have anything to do except watch his crush’s eyes glide over each page of his notebook; Edd’s blue eyes digesting the contents as his right hand wrote out key phrases in his binder, his impeccable handwriting coming out quick and easy. Kevin supposed he could do his homework while Edd worked, but it was Friday and nothing was due until school next week, it could wait until later. Besides, it was much more interesting watching Edd in another one of his elements. 

He really was beautiful. Handsome in a way that really shouldn’t work, his features weren’t ‘perfect,’ but they were all unified by a softness that could only be described as _Edd._ His pale cheeks were tinged pink as his brow scrunched from concentration, one hand quickly moving to tuck back a strand of black hair that had fallen into his face. From this angle Kevin had a perfect view of Edd’s profile; how his pert button nose sat atop those pouty lips (which he just licked, fuck), which led down to the slight overbite of his delicate chin, his elegant and finely muscled neck disappearing into the sweater that hid Edd’s compact body. The graceful arc of Edd’s collarbone gently jutted out from the collar of his large sweater, and Kevin had the embarrassing urge to lick it, imagining the taste of Edd’s skin. Kevin knew he was staring hungrily, but once he had started it was really hard to stop, he hadn’t been able to really examine Edd up close in a long time. Not like this, anyway.

“Kevin? What’s this wor—“ Edd shifted to look at Kevin, his knee dragging along Kevin’s lower thigh. He must have seen the hungry look in Kevin’s eye because he stopped mid-question, the gentle pink of his cheeks deepening to a glorious red. In a soft voice, he whispered, “What are you doing?”

“Looking at you,” Kevin’s mouth moved before he thought of what he was saying. He could hear the huskiness in his own voice, and was instantly embarrassed. Kevin averted his eyes as he felt the heat of his flush spread. 

There was a soft intake of air from Edd, followed by the weight of his hand on Kevin’s knee. “Kevin, y-you can look at me. If you want.” His voice was so soft and gentle, like a caress. It was also filled with a huskiness that matched Kevin’s own. 

Kevin glanced back to Edd, and was surprised to see Edd quickly lean in, brushing their lips together.

It was unexpected and clumsy as their lips locked, but their kiss deepened as Edd surged forward, the notebook and binder on his lap dropping to the floor with a soft thud. Kevin brushed his tongue along Edd’s bottom lip, tasting the sweet licorice of the tea, and something warm and savory that could only be Edd himself. Edd kept leaning in, their chests now pushing together, and brought his hands up to cup Kevin’s jaw, fingers rubbing his bristly stubble. His lips parted to allow Kevin’s tongue access, the heat of Edd’s mouth surrounding their tongues as they wrestled together, exploring the taste and feel of each other. 

Edd whined in the back of his throat as Kevin reached forward and grasped Edd’s hips, hoisting him onto his lap. Kevin could feel the little grunts and noises Edd made reverberate through his mouth as their tongues mingled and danced, and was sure Edd could feel the same as he groaned, needy. They were pushing so close together now, as if one were trying to absorb the other. Edd’s hands moved up, knocking off Kevin’s hat to run his fingers through Kevin’s hair. It felt so _good_ , and Kevin couldn't help but gasp and thrust his hips and caged erection up against Edd. 

Edd moaned into Kevin’s mouth, and Kevin felt the bulge of _his_ erection scrape against his own, the denim confines providing pressure that was so tight but so sweet. Kevin’s hands slowly worked up Edd’s torso, slipping beneath his sweater to feel his warm skin. He was so soft but wiry, Edd’s lean muscle shivering against Kevin’s touch, his quick grunts filling Kevin’s mouth. Edd brought his hands down to Kevin’s chest and shoulders, curiously exploring the feel of his flesh through his shirt. Kevin had never been touched like that, so gentle and light, and he moaned when Edd lifted the bottom of his shirt and placed his searing hot hands directly on his skin.

Edd pulled back, separating their mouths, panting for air. Kevin realized he was panting too. He looked up at Edd’s flushed face, his small smile shy and content, his eyelids half-closed and heavy. Edd lifted his hand, fingertips ghosting across Kevin’s neck and jaw, looking down at him in awe.

“You don’t realize how long I’ve waited for that,” Edd whispered, his voice rough and breathy.

“I think I do; forever, right?” 

Edd giggled and his face broke into a wide smile, open and unreserved. Kevin suspected that he had a stupid grin on his own face, but he didn’t care. This was perfect. This is what he’s been dreaming about since freshmen year. 

“Exactly,” Edd said, fingers playing with Kevin’s hair, each gentle tug making his scalp tingle.

Edd leaned down for another kiss, smile still on his lips.

_Perfect_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has reached chapter 3, wow! Thank you all for the support, I’m having so much fun writing these two; I’m excited to continue this story. This chapter took so much longer to write than I expected, it took awhile to get Edd’s POV how I wanted, it was harder than I thought, and I’d be delighted to hear what you guys think of it. This is still mainly going to be told from Kevin’s POV, with occasional scenes from Edd, so I hope the perspectives work well together.
> 
> Just a heads up, I’m going to be starting my next semester at college soon so updates for this will probably slow down until December. I will still be writing it, just I won’t be able to dedicate as much time as I want to ensure a update roughly every month, which is what I’ve been trying to do. If you’re curious about progress between updates, feel free to comment, I’ll always reply so you guys know what’s up. I’m also thinking about writing some one-shots to experiment with different types of scenes (fluff and smut, mainly) for this story, so expect some of those too!
> 
> Again, thanks for all the amazing feedback, hope you liked it!


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